need advice on my 4yr old

Jenny - posted on 09/11/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

36

30

2

he is out of controll hurting his younger brother and now his started trying to do that same to his 2 month old brother ive had problems with my 4yr oldnow for 2 years i cant cope anymore apart of me keeps wantign to hurt him everytime he stressing me out ive seen a socal worker there no help i dont no what to do anymore i dont want him ...

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

What you need to do is find out why he is doing this, he may be young but there is a reason. First take him to your doctor and see if there is anything physically wrong with him, there are many disorders and illnesses that can make a child behave this way.



once that is done and hopefully it comes back negative then check out what may be bothering him at home. it could be as simple as not getting enough attention (some kids need a lot more than others, and they are normal typical children) It could also be that he feels the need to compete with his siblings, and since he is too young to really do that he strikes out physically. There could be a lot of possibilities as to why he does it.



Now what I suggest you do in the meantime is when he does this take him by the hand a few steps away from where it happened, continue to hold his hand give him your toughest mommys angry face and state boldly "we do not hit in this house!" continue to hold his hand for another minute or so but after saying that do not look at him.



He is to only get attention when you tell him and that is it. Do this each and every single time he hits, make sure you hold his hand (or wrist) so that he cannot get away and totally ignore him for a minute or so. Then calmly tell him once he is ready he can go back and play (or whatever it was he was doing before the incident)



You are going to have to be more stubborn than he is, he will eventually get the idea that his whole world is going to come to a complete stop if he behaves this way.



Also when he is playing and you see something come up where you know he will hit start giving him suggestions of what to do. If you know he will hit because of a toy then step in and take the toy away when they go after the same toy, then ask him how he could get the toy without hitting. You will have to give him the answers for a while before it sinks in and praise him each time he tries a different way of dealing with things.



What I did is if I knew my child wanted something the other had I told them that they had to find a toy that the other child may want to trade for the toy they wanted. That way they had to be creative and think long before about not only what they wanted but what the other person may want. I had to point out their favourite toys out to each other for the first few times but now (at 6 and 7 yrs old) they know right away how to solve the problem.



So find out why (and yes there is always a reason) he could be tired, hungry, bored, wanting a toy someone else wants, worried that someone will take something of theirs, you name it there will be a reason.



You may have to try this for a week or so before you see any results, I know that means more stress but it will help in the long term (I was a single parent for four yrs so I had very little support to work with) my kids still fight but now I just have to remind them of what to do.

12 Comments

View replies by

Jade - posted on 09/11/2009

39

9

5

Quoting Bonnie:

thats no god that ur family 2 tired ... ummm i dont really know what to say toher thantry and get some one into help u we have support groups over here and some come out to your home they did for me .... and it was a great help ... have u explaind to him how u feel and how delicate the baby is ? ....maybe he is acting up to get ur attention ... maybe he feels hes not gettong his share ... maybe try and have one day with him to ur self if one of your family members could have ur other ones that are maybe not such a handful ! or if thats not possible try half an hour ... thats all i can suggest hope it helps !



i agree with bonnie here, if he the oldest it would make sense that he is feeling left out especially now u have another child, i only have 2 but one gets so much more attention due to disability that my oldest sharted lashing out and now i get restbite but instead of using it for my time i use it to spend time with just me and my son, spend a couple hrs a wk doing things that he really enjoys, and see if makes a difference

Bonnie - posted on 09/11/2009

353

135

109

sorry i didnt want u to take it that way just a suggestion .. boys hey :)

Jenny - posted on 09/11/2009

36

30

2

we do praise him his such a good kid at school the teachers say his nice to the other kids

ts just at home his like this ive seen doc and 3 different pedritions and speech and OT to rule out all that kind of stuff the doc said it could be ADHA im not 100% sure

Bonnie - posted on 09/11/2009

353

135

109

also mellisa did u suggest lots of praise and notification ? ... just thinkin .... :)

Bonnie - posted on 09/11/2009

353

135

109

thats no god that ur family 2 tired ... ummm i dont really know what to say toher thantry and get some one into help u we have support groups over here and some come out to your home they did for me .... and it was a great help ... have u explaind to him how u feel and how delicate the baby is ? ....maybe he is acting up to get ur attention ... maybe he feels hes not gettong his share ... maybe try and have one day with him to ur self if one of your family members could have ur other ones that are maybe not such a handful ! or if thats not possible try half an hour ... thats all i can suggest hope it helps !

Jenny - posted on 09/11/2009

36

30

2

when i give him time out he laughs at me and walks away when he gets a smack he turns around and says no i cant smack me i do love him but at the moment i cant deal with it anymore i have support my family they cant help with him there tired they cant handle him either

yes im married and still with there father his not much help he works grave yard shift and sleeps most the day

Bonnie - posted on 09/11/2009

353

135

109

im very sorry to hear this but of course u want him deep down inside4 u love him ... do u not have any other support or help around ? i suggest u see someone differnt not a social worker maybe ur doctor ! do u live in aus ? if so there are a few resourse for that kinda thing ! ive just got the one so i wouldnt know what it would be like ! are u with the dad ? hopefully he is helping u ! im sorry u are experiancing this. my mum had 6 kids but lost a baby when i was 13 i had a brother that was 2 weeks a babby sister that was 1 and a half and a baby brother that was 2 and a half and a brother that was 6 so it was full on in our house hold .... hope all works out wich it will !

Bonnie - posted on 09/11/2009

353

135

109

im very sorry to hear this but of course u want him deep down inside4 u love him ... do u not have any other support or help around ? i suggest u see someone differnt not a social worker maybe ur doctor ! do u live in aus ? if so there are a few resourse for that kinda thing ! ive just got the one so i wouldnt know what it would be like ! are u with the dad ? hopefully he is helping u ! im sorry u are experiancing this. my mum had 6 kids but lost a baby when i was 13 i had a brother that was 2 weeks a babby sister that was 1 and a half and a baby brother that was 2 and a half and a brother that was 6 so it was full on in our house hold .... hope all works out wich it will !

Fauzia - posted on 09/11/2009

2

16

0

Jenny, he is your Son. and i know you dont mean it when you say you dont want him!!!



Have you tried sending him away??? to a obedince school?? aor to saty with a family member??? have you tried punishing him when he behaves funny??? i find with my three year old that if i do implement rules and punish her when she is naughty she tends to behave a bit better!!!

Bonnie - posted on 09/11/2009

353

135

109

im very sorry to hear this but of course u want him deep down inside4 u love him ... do u not have any other support or help around ? i suggest u see someone differnt not a social worker maybe ur doctor ! do u live in aus ? if so there are a few resourse for that kinda thing ! ive just got the one so i wouldnt know what it would be like ! are u with the dad ? hopefully he is helping u ! im sorry u are experiancing this. my mum had 6 kids but lost a baby when i was 13 i had a brother that was 2 weeks a babby sister that was 1 and a half and a baby brother that was 2 and a half and a brother that was 6 so it was full on in our house hold .... hope all works out wich it will !

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms