Need advice on my husband please!!!

Tabitha - posted on 01/31/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )

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Ok so im always honest with him about everything and in return i always thought he was doing the same...well come to find out hes been keeping all kinds of stupid pointless lies that shouldnt mean anything but when they come out finally its like omg hes been lying to me all this time just over that!...i just dont know why he tells me one thing then goes behind my back keeping the truth from me and then when the truth comes out and i find out hes been lying he expects me not to be mad or upset!!!...i mean i dont know what to do...its like if he will lie about the simple things what else will he or is he lying about someone please shed some light!!!

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OLD AS - posted on 10/16/2013

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Oh to be young again. I thought I would way in on the fibbing aspect. Just to be up front with everyone I'm as old as dirt and half as smart. It's terrible these day to not have someone you can trust. When I was a young man married to a women ahead of her time and not yet out of school and at a point became here custodial spouse and yet I was barely over 18. She for what ever reason picked me to love and trust. I in turn told those little white lies that really didn't amount to much of anything I thought at the time and still don't to this day know why I did lie. I guess at the time it may have been something in me that still want to be on top of the Idea I knew something or held in my passion a trueth that no one else knew. I was young, stupid and most of all ashamed that I couldn't cope with the idea that I was responsible for other lives beside my own. In dealing with the men in your lives, I can only say this, you ladies do have it together and most men just need a little time to catch up. You should sit them down and have those talks and let them know how you feel. That is a must. Don't get up set if the noise you are making in their eyes streams in one ear and out the other. The words you speak are seeds and seeds need cultivation. Before long the seeds will grow into a brain and you will only sit back and bask in what you have created. Yes we men are slow to do many things in the eyes of women. My wife was a quite one and never forceful, but I always knew when she was straightening me out and sending me down a path I needed to be on. The one thing she did let me do was allow me to some times think it was my idea, But we both knew. In closing the softer side of a women's tone is always more productive in what she wants and deserves then a loud up front approach. So with that love your men and keep the weeds from the garden. I have 7 kids and 18 grand kids all of whom keep me young.
OLD AS DIRT
You all might ask yourself why I decided to put something in here. Just surfing, my legs don't work that well these days.

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Tabitha - posted on 02/01/2010

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thank u ladies....im goning to try and sit down with him when he gets home from work tonight and see if i can get a better understanding of what is going on here...thank you for the advice it helped me clam down...lol...i do like the idea of a counselor...im willing to try anything to make it work

Amanda - posted on 01/31/2010

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He probably has security issues. Maybe let him know no matter what is going on you want to know and you won't get mad or up set. I understand about the whole not knowing what else is he lieing about or gonna lie about. Thats normal. Ya think ya can trust someones word then it comes back to byte you in the butt. be straight up with him and honest with him. Let him know you want the truth no matter what it is. let him know your there for him and your not gonna angry with him. Most people who lie in a relationship isn't secure enough with there other half. They need to understand there is nothing wrong and you trust them, your there for them. It's not always the case but it usually is. You need to show him you love him unconditionally no matter what mistakes or crazy things he does. maybe he needs to go to a counselor to talk about some of his issues. I know no one wants to talk to a stranger about their problems but it might help.

April - posted on 01/31/2010

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I have had some experience in this and if you don't sit and talk with him now and really feel comfortable with his reasoning or explanations then it will only get worse. In my experience when the little lies start there is something else behind it that he is not telling you but like Becca said, I don't know what he is lying about so it's hard to give advice to a point. If you feel that he is still being shady though when you confront him, maybe try marriage counseling and try to decide if he's giving your family and marriage a 100% and if you can live that way. I know it's hard, just don't let it get as bad as I did, we had a REALLY rough 4 yrs and once I finally got up the nerve to leave then he opened up and did a complete turnaround and made me and our kids his # 1 priority.I guess it took me leaving for him to open his eyes but I hope it doesn't come to that for you. Don't know if anything I said helps but I wish you the best and good luck with everything!

Becca - posted on 01/31/2010

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Sounds like you have your pickles in the wrong jar with your husband...Well I may not be the greatest person on relationships....But Here is what I can give to you...I would be furious with my husband even if it is the littilest lies...He is keeping things from you that he should be more open with...I mean you guys are married its a commitment you guys made when you tied the knot you know...that is the most main greatest strength in a marriage is honesty...i don't know what he lies about you didn't really mention it but if its stupid little pointless lies than you need to sit down with him and say hey your a dad...the father of my child or children if your going to continue on lieing to my face for no reason than its not going to work...im sorry to say that hun but by a little experience if someone lies to me for no reason and they are just pointless little lies than he isn't making his commitment on being honest and just hiding that can loose trust and honesty...and that's a big thing to loose trust me...keep your head up and just sit down and talk to him about it say hey why are u lieing i know u are don't say you aren't and if he doesn't give a full honest answer than yeah he isn't doing his job right

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