NEED HELP BAADD

Magdalena - posted on 04/02/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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my 5 yr old and 9yr old are way out of controll and my new boyfriend is 48 and hes had it how can i punish them My 5 yr old does what he wants to not what we ask him to do ive done every punishment i dnt beleve in spankings cuz i tok them out of a abusive relation what do i do

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Magdalena - posted on 04/05/2014

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I have already tried all that and it got worse he would go for 3 days of being good then he would act like there was no tomorrow we have stripped him from everything and it just doesnt phase him now we g him spankings but still dont work

Jessica - posted on 04/04/2014

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Hi. I understand the not spanking thing and I think that's the right thing for you to be doing. You said you have a new boyfriend. Its possible that they are acting out so strongly because they are testing the boyfriend? I have two boys as well and when their stepdad and I moved in together it was like world war 3 around our house. They were constantly testing us. It was honestly like they wanted to be punished by the new guy just to see what he would do. My advice? I would try sitting down with the boyfriend and you two come up with a punishment and reward system together. Go over specific bad behaviors and what you want the consequences to be. For example: in our house when we talk back (mine are 4 and 6) we automatically loose a privilege for 2 days. With my boys its the video games or tv. I always give them a warning first. I say, okay you just talked back to me and that is not okay. That's disrespectful and we do not do that in this house. This is your one warning today the next time you talk back you will loose your TV for 2 days. Be clear with them on what the discipline will be and be firm, but calm. Do not let them get you riled up. Once you and your boyfriend have come up with the rules and consequences and what rewards you will give out for when they behave well, sit the kids down and have a family discussion. Talk to them about how their behavior has been lately and how you want to fix things. Let them know that you love them and there are reasons the behavior cannot go on. Tell them you need to be a family and that means that you all need to respect each other. Give them an opportunity to tell you anything that has been bothering them lately or if they want something changed. Then go over your rules and consequences and your rewards. All you need to do after that is follow through and be consistent. Which is a lot harder than it sounds, but the most important part of the whole process. I hope this was helpful!

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