Need help trying to figure out what to do about child support dilema

Renee - posted on 03/11/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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So last week, my daughter's father broke it off with me, saying that he feels like we just don't connect and he's not in love with me (if that wasn't a knife to the heart, then I don't know what is). I guess that's good that this was all figured out now and not years from now when our daughter is way older to where it can really hurt her (she's 21 months old now). So now we're trying to figure out some kind of child support. He has a really good career, but I know that he's paying off a ton in college loans and is paying a mortgage on his house that he bought when the market was good and the house was really really inflated on price then also. Now my situation is that I'm back living with my parents, who live in a small 2 bedroom apartment. I share a room with my daughter, share my mom's car, and work part time on the weekends. Never got to finish college and I just feel stuck. I'm going to be 24 and I don't want to be living with my parents. They are a huge help though, but they're in their mid 50s, it's time for them to settle down and not have to worry about helping me raise a toddler (but they adore her and they don't mind babysitting).

So the plan would be that we would sit down and figure something out ourselves and write it all down and get it notarized. Her father and I are trying hard to keep good terms, he is an excellent father and adores his daughter so I really don't want things to get nasty and be forced to go to court and all that stuff. However I'm being told by my parents and other people that we should take care of this in court. I don't want them to make it so that he's dead broke just so I get a pretty penny. We haven't worked out the numbers yet, but I'm just so confused. I feel in my heart, doing this outside of the courts is right, but when other people, including my parents are telling me to get the court involved, I feel horrible about it. I just don't know what to do and I'm just lost. It's already been such an emotional week for me and then having to worry about this is just making things worse and I don't know what to do anymore.

Thank you for your time ladies. I really needed to vent/get advice from people who aren't biased

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Cutemommy - posted on 11/15/2013

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People change your not helping him your stealing your daughters finances. By that I mean she deserves what her father makes. My husband has another child I made him out himself on child support n before we got married. I know it's hard but he has a responsibly to your daughter and you as well you have the right to get back on your feet. Don't feel bad it's bit like your some one night stand you are someone that was there fit a long time you deserve all that and more. You don't want him to take advantage and leave you guys struggling.

Ashleyparker721 - posted on 11/14/2013

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I feel you should go to court I understand you may be thinking about his situation, but now it's really about your daughter. you need all the help you can get right now.

Amanda - posted on 03/11/2010

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You should go to the courts that way everything you discussed between the two of you is "legal" and "in the system". So if down the road sometime something does happen you will always have that to fall back on. You can come to an agreement and the judge will just confirm it...It shouldnt cause any problems. You just want whats best for your daughter.

Monicquea - posted on 03/11/2010

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I have received similar advice about child support. However I work things out with my child's father in the matter of child support. I chose to do things that way b/c I believe that will be in the best interest of my child. She needs to know and see that both her parents are committed to her welfare. So, my advice is to try to work things out with him on your own if at all possible. However if for some reason he doesn't stick to his end of the bargain then I would take him to court.

Nycholle - posted on 03/11/2010

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If you two can be adults about it and talk it out between yourselves maybe all you need is a third party that isn't emotionally involved here to help you two with the paperwork. If on the other hand you think that the two of you can't play nice with each other about this situation then it is smarter to go through the courts. And no it's not about you going after a pretty penny. It's about you doing what is right and getting what is fair for your daughter. I had no choice but to go through the courts (divorce and me and him did not get along at all).

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