Need some marital advice

Kimberly - posted on 05/02/2013 ( 11 moms have responded )




My husband and I have been married for 7 years, been together a total of 10. I know I love him & vice versa. But I do not want to sleep in the same bed or bedroom with him. Most of it is because he is a champion snorer. I simply do not get any sleep if we sleep together. Part of it is because for the hour I watch tv before falling asleep is my alone time. I am a stay at home mom. Between taking care of my very active 5 year old,


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Nadia - posted on 05/21/2013




As long as both of u are comfortable it shouldnt be a prblm ,i dont sleep with my husband either and we are fine.

Jessica - posted on 05/17/2013




It's not a necessity that couples sleep together, it's rather modern concept really. It used to be more common for couples to have their own rooms and visit each other when they wanted to be intimate. My mom and stepfather slept apart through most of their relationship because of his snoring and being a very active sleeper (he would flail and hit in his sleep on occasion), it never really caused a problem with their relationship. There's nothing inherently wrong with sleeping apart.

Lauren - posted on 05/10/2013




Kimberly, if you're having a hard time not sleeping in the same bed (as it sounds), then have him go to the doctor to see how he can combat his snoring. My dad wears a simple mouth piece that makes all the difference. I personally can't imagine NOT sleeping with my husband. We cuddle, and I wake up in the middle of the night and look for him. When he goes to work before me some days, I miss him.

I think sleeping together is not a necessity, of course, but I think it's a valuable opportunity for intimacy (not just talking about sex). But it seems like you want to. Maybe find a way to help him with his snoring (the doctor) and find a way/set time/whatever so you can have your time by yourself, but you can still come together after. I always remind myself that in an instant, he could be gone, so I try to take advantage of any opportunity I have to share space and time with him--and hopefully help my marriage too!

Deanna - posted on 05/10/2013




My husband is a huge snorer too. For most of my second pregnancy, he slept on the couch. You may have to get him to the doctor. My husband was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea and now has to sleep with a CPAP machine (a breathing apparatus with a mask for his face). Things are back to normal. He has been back in the bed since we brought baby home. He wears it pretty much every night and we both get sleep. No more snores.
Don't feel bad. I did kick my husband out of the bed. And it got him to the doctor to get checked out. :)

Shannon - posted on 05/07/2013




I could have written your post! My husband and I have a normal loving marriage, but we rarely sleep in the same room because of his very loud snoring and us being on different sleep schedules. He also travels during the week, so we are accustomed to sleeping solo. He goes to bed earlier since he's used to getting up early while on the road. Since our girls usually sleep in until 8/9 am, I am used to going to bed later, since I get my chores done at night once my girls are asleep. So, when my hubby is home, I usually end up falling asleep on the couch watching TV. Our sleeping schedule doesn't interfere with intimacy in our marriage. I think that as long as you and your husband have a healthy sex life and neither of you seem bothered by sleeping separately, then I don't see an issue. After all, you're just sleeping.

Tammy - posted on 05/07/2013




Same thing happened to my brother; his wife couldn't sleep cause of his snoring. So, he had some kind of surgery done to correct it and the wife is back in their bed.

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I don't really think it's a big issue if his snoring is preventing you from sleeping. My husband and I don't sleep together because I work nights and even if it's a night I'm not working I try and still stay on the night schedule. As long as you guys are happy and he understands why you are doing it I don't see it as a big deal

Denikka - posted on 05/07/2013




I would agree with the others. Not a huge issue unless it's made into one. My grandparents haven't slept in the same bed for decades because my grandpa snores and has restless leg syndrome (basically his legs randomly twitch during the night). They sleep in the same room, but have their beds separated.

Definitely get him checked out though. It could be anything from a partially blocked airway, deviated septum (especially if he's ever had his nose broken) to more serious issues like sleep apnea. Most, if not all, of those problems can be fixed, so it's definitely worth looking into :)

Jordan - posted on 05/07/2013




My husband can rattle the walls while he's asleep too. I totally understand what your going through. Snoring can be a medical condition associated with sleep apnea, which is what I think my husband has. If you can stand it, watch or listen to him sleep. If he has a short burst of not breathing and then takes a huge breath he probably has sleep apnea. Does he sleep no matter what position he's in or just on his back?
I would talk to him about it and, maybe if he's open to it, go have it checked out. Having sleep apnea can be dangerous. I hope this helps and good luck!

Firebird - posted on 05/02/2013




My dad is also a champion snorer. When I was a kid he earned his nickname "The Bear" because of how loudly he snores. My mom rarely sleeps in the same bed with him. This is hardly something that requires counseling. It might not be a bad idea, though, to try to find out if there's something that can be done to stop his snoring.

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