Need some words of encouragement

Mindy - posted on 06/23/2009 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I feel like I am losing my mind. I have two boys that are 1 and 2. I have stayed at home with them so far. I feel like a terrible mother. They drive me crazy. My husband is gone all the time working. I stay home, and attempt to take online classes. They have already torn pages in my expensive textbooks. I cannot take a shower without stepping around them in the shower. I cannot make a meal without fighting them to stay off the stove. I cannot eat a meal without them teetering on my knees. They will hardly sit down to eat anything. They would rather tear out anything in the cabinets to eat. And just forget about trying to go to a restaurant. I definitely cannot do anything for myself. I cannot take them both out in public without them pitching fit and wanting to run in different direction. I can't even go to bed without my 2 year old. They never stop. They go around pulling things out, tearing up everything, fighting with each other. Crying and pitching fits when they don't get their way. When it comes to naptime or bedtime, they hardly ever settle down, so I end up putting my 1 year old to bed crying, so the other one will calm down, which makes me feel terrible. I often feel like a terrible mom. I feel like I yell at them all the time. I feel like I treat them bad. I know I'm not that bad, but I just feel terrible. I just want to be happy.

I guess this is all my own fault.

Oh, and we are moving in a week, so the first thing I am going to do is get a job, even if it only pays for daycare. I cannot take anymore.

Am I terrible for feeling this way?

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Maggie - posted on 06/23/2009

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First of all, you are NOT a bad mom, you just have your hands full. However, I think the boys are in need of some touch love. Just some suggestions (so please no one bite my head off). When you are doing your classes, I suggest sitting them at the table with paper and crayons. Tell them that Mommy has some work to do and try and keep them engaged that way. If not, I suggest getting a sitter for a few hours to get your work done. Go to the library relax while you do your work. Your boys will be fine.
For supper time, you have to keep them off your lap. Your boys will not starve themselves. They will eat. I had to have the same argument with my 21 month old. There will be lots of screaming, and probably some food thrown but they have to learn to eat from their own plates at their own seat.
While you are in the kitchen cooking, (i got this trick from super nanny) get a piece of masking tape that says mom's and dad's only on it. Explain to them that while the tape is down, mom's and dad's are the only ones who can cross it. Say that while mom is in the kitchen it is probably too dangerous for them to be in there. This will definatly take some time for them to get used to.
For the shower you may have to get a baby gate and put the kids in their room (or a room if they are in separate rooms). Again explaining to them what is happening. They will most likely freak out if they are used to going in the shower with you. They will get used to it.
Bed time, this one is going to take a lot out of you and your partner but once it's done you will be sleeping easy. Again tough love. Pick a bed time. Get them ready for bed. Give them a snack, read them a book, brush their teeth, and put them in bed. They will fight you especially the 2 year old if he is in a "big kid" bed. He will like to get out of bed. The first time he does, say it is bed time (that is it) and put him in bed. And keep doing this but don't say anything else after that, let you body language show you mean buisness. For the 1 year old, if he cries that is ok. Mine cries sometimes still. I do not go in unless it is rediculous crying and put my hand on her back and tell her she is ok. Wait for her to calm down and leave the room. Or if I know she is just screaming for attention and there is nothing wrong (wet diaper, hungry, hurt or whatever), I simply ignore her. She got the hint and now goes to bed on her own no problem.
Good Luck with the move, if you do daycare, it may be just what the doctor ordered if all else fails. However what they do at daycare you will have to keep up at home.
You just need to keep things consistent and so does your husband. You can do this :) You're an awesome mom, and your boys know that.

12 Comments

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Sara - posted on 06/23/2009

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No..you have to have time to yourself! I work full time and I know that I couldn't handle staying home all the time. Bless you!

Audrey - posted on 06/23/2009

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Absolutley do not feel bad for feeling this way..Its normal and the best thing you can do is get a job..You will feel better about yourself and you will have adult interaction. You will enjoy the time you do spend with your kids much more, plus daycare is great for kids..They learn a great deal and get to meet new kids etc. Mine love it

Brittany - posted on 06/23/2009

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I dont think you are a terrible mom. You are trying to do your best and you have 2 little ones that are very close in age.



You have one that is going to go through the "terrible two stage" and your 1 yr old may end up going through it earlier.



It might make you feel bad for putting them to bed crying, but they will only cry for so long before finally giving up and going to sleep. They will soothe themselves to sleep. Everytime you put them down for nap or bed time, the crying will get shorter and shorter...promise.



When you want to take a shower, either wake up b4 they get up, so you can have your alone time, or while they're napping, or after you put them to bed. It kinda is hard to have to change your routine, but once you get them in a routine, it'll be easier :)



About the fighting them while you cook and eat....while you cook, put them in the living room with pots and pans to play and bang on, then eat dinner together. If they're eatting in their high chairs, while you eat, then they cant climb on you :)



I hope these can help you :)



Good luck and stay strong. You may also want to look into a local mommys day out so you can get a few hours of YOU time. Every mama needs her time :)

Amanda - posted on 06/23/2009

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No, you're not terrible for feeling that way. I have three boys (7, 6 and 7 mths) and when my oldest were little it was exactly like what you're going through right now. What worked for me was to build and keep a routine. It structured a lot and helped me get through my day. When your husband gets home, let him take some of the stress off of you so you can at least go take a shower. I've never been married and have no extended family so I had to do a lot on my own. You're doing a fine job right now just focus and try not to get overwhelmed. Hope this helps.

Amelia - posted on 06/23/2009

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You aren't terrible at all! Most people don't realize that being a stay-at-home mom is hard work. I know I didn't until I was one. I feel the same way sometimes and I just have one child at home who is 2 years old. Maybe you do need to go back to work, for your own sanity. Thats what my husband says I should do. But if you love and take care of your kids you aren't a bad mom.

Richelle - posted on 06/23/2009

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You're a great mother if you weren't you wouldnt feel terrible! and remember its temporary! They will grow out of this stage and soon the 2 year old will be old enough to help you with the other.

Guggie - posted on 06/23/2009

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aw man i feel for you! i only have a 7mo daughter so i guess i can't even compare...but i know how you feel sometimes. we just moved and i'm taking online classes too.



hey have you checked out



www dot bigwords dot com? it is an awesome search engine for buying the cheapest textbooks. try it and you could save hundreds!



age 1 and 2 are really tough ages. take a break if you can! see if there's a teen who can help for an hour or so. just having someone to distract them so you can take a shower will help you know?

Charissa - posted on 06/23/2009

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I have 3 kids. A 4 year old 18 months and 4 month old. I understand the way you feel my husband is not home much and I am with the kids all the time. I think the way you feel is some times normal. I do not think that makes you a bad mom. I think what might help you is a night out with friends or with your husband. you could get a friend or child care company to come to your house and watch the boys and you go out and have a great time. time to your self is so helpful. It will do you good to have some me time and can help you deal with the kids better it gives you more controll to deal with everyhting going on around you. good luck with the move maybe some change will doyou and the boys some good.

Elizabeth - posted on 06/23/2009

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I have the same feelings. My hubby is an over the road semi driver so i am at home all week with my kids. My son, Dakota(7), has ADHD and is very hyperactive and my daughter, Cheyann(3), is always wanting mommy. I have tried to find a friend that I trust to take the kids for 2 hours a week just so I can get a shower or clean the house a little.

Stephanie - posted on 06/23/2009

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I have a three year old and a newborn...sometimes I feel as though I'm very hard on connor (3) because Olivia (newborn) takes up so much of my time...just remember to take deep breaths and maybe find some local parenting classes..not that you are a bad mom but they really help with the Anxiety and the feelings of going crazy...they also help with the time management and disipline in a more effective way!! Hope this helps and good luck...do get a job even if it's part time it helps with your self worth I did after 2 years of being a stay at home mom and it was fantastic..I got to feel like an adult again and socalize with them too!

Kim - posted on 06/23/2009

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Dont feel terrible!! Children are full on!!!

I may not have advice that fixs all your problems! But the best thing I did was put my babies in a routine.... I got up early one morning so there sleeps were earlier!

My four yr old is in bed at 7pm and my 1 yr old at 6.30!

The sleeping in your bed thing, In australia we have a community health centre we can call for advice... if not a parenting book may have some tips!



Maybe your children play up because of their close age they didnt get alot of alone time with mummy.... maybe try and put aside some time for that! I know it all can be hard but chin up!



My advice is not professional... I am also just a young mum too!

I hope it all works out for you!

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