Need to get over the disappointment of a second c-section.

Danielle - posted on 08/15/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Hello ladies,
In two weeks I have been scheduled for another c-section.

With my first, I had a horrible experience.
He was born via emergency c-section when he was discovered breech, had passed a stool while still in womb, and was showing signs of distress.
For the first 2.5 hours of my sons life I didn't get to see him. Everyone in my family got to enjoy my baby before I did. Even people I am not particularly fond of, like my mother, got to hold my baby before I did. I didn't even know his weight until over an hour after his birth.

Anyways, shortly after being discharged I ended up with a UTI, and my incision also got infected and opened up once we were home.
I was discharged from the hospital a day earlier than I should have after the birth of my son, and couldn't breastfeed as a result of the high amounts of I.V treatments I needed to receive because of the severity of the infections. For the first two weeks of my sons life I was in and out of the hospital emergency for my I.V treatments and this greatly affected my bonding with my baby.

I am now 37 weeks pregnant and my doctor thinks that once again I am carrying breech.
I am trying everything in my power to turn him with exercise.
The doctors will not manually turn him for me because of my short stature and the fact that I already have had a previous c-section. He says because of my height, and limited space in my womb it will greatly increase the chances of uterine rupture, and thinks that it will be very unlikely that it will be possible for him to turn even if I were a candidate for the procedure because of my height.

I am devastated!
This was my only chance to be able to experience a normal birth.
I wanted to be able to hold my babies after they are born. I want to see them covered in goo, and blood and have that instant bond with them when they are placed on my chest. I wanted to feel the satisfaction that I played a key role in how they are brought into this world. I feel like a failure.
I wont ever get to have that birthing experience I so desperately crave, and it makes me really sad.

I need to feel better about this situation. I am afraid it will affect the bonding process with my baby. Has anyone else dealt with this situation and the disappointment of having repeat c-sections?
How do you deal with the people who make remarks like:
"you're so lucky you never had to push it out" or "it would be so much easier".. I am trying to deal with my sadness and I keep hearing remarks like that and it makes me want to scream!

Please note!!
I know that some people can not conceive at all and that I am lucky to be having my baby. It has taken my husband and I three years to conceive so we are thankful for this opportunity to be parents again.
I am just upset that this is something I will never be able to experience.

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Sandie - posted on 08/15/2012

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I never had a c-section but 3 years ago my son was born with the aid of forceps, after a long induced labour, because i was 2weeks over due, he also went into distress and passed some meconium which he sucked into his mouth, I ended up having an epidural which I didn't want, and as a result couldn't push effectivly, hence the forceps. Because he had meconium in his mouth he was taken to NICU and was in an incubator for 8hours before I got to hold him, I was taken to see him briefly but missed out of the immediate skin to skin contact and breastfeeding immediatly too.
I was gutted for a long time and felt that I had failed to birth him properly, it took me getting pregnant with my daughter and going to antenatal classes to realise that the chain of events that led to that outcome were not my fault.
I went overdue with my daughter and it looked like the whole chain of events was about to repeat itself again, and I was devestated. Luckily I was able to have a less invasive type of induction and basically did it myself, I was able to get the labour I'd wanted in the first place (mostly) and had the skin to skin, and feeding and no after effects of drugs because it was drug free. Although the labour was great, my placenta got stuck so for a couple of hours I had the worry and pain of that to deal with.
There's still a chance things will go your way (I'm told placing frozen peas where you think the baby's head is can make them squirm away and turn out of breech position sometimes).
My son's labour was awful and difficult, my daughter's labour was easy but the after part was hard, but bonding with them has been the same, breastfeeding has gone ok with both, and I love them both the same.
You have done an amazing job of keeping your babies safe and healthy whilst inside you, if they have to come out via c-section then unfortunately you will have to go through with that for baby's safety, but the bonding and love will still happen. Don't put yourself down or doubt the importance your role has played, you are amazing to have carried them for so long and kept them safe.
Good luck with your labour/c-section, whatever happens, be proud of yourself. Fingers crossed this little one turns for you. xx

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