Needing outside opinions/recommendations please (rather long)

Shada - posted on 04/20/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Ok so this is rather long but I am trying to give everyone the whole picture of the situation of what is going on. So my baby daddy of my 3 almost 4 year old son is in prison and has not been in my sons life but 8 months of it. My husband has practically taken care of my son and treated him as his own. My baby daddy will supposedly be getting released at the end of May (which is when my son will turn 4). He wants me to just let him see his son and take him with him to stay at his house. Now he will be living 6 hours away with his mother who has anxiety issues, depression, and several other medical issues. I feel that I have to protect my son from him. I also do not feel that since my son has not gotten to know him that he should just be able to waltz back into my sons life and see him when ever he pleases. He also wants to come up here about a week after he gets out with his first child to see my son. I feel like he is just telling me this to get him to feel sorry for him and to let him see his son. He also tried to tell me that when he got out of prison the first time that he was depressed and could not find a job because he was not in his sons life (which I think is complete bs and he is just using that as an excuse not to find a job because he refuses to work at Mc Donalds...). And imo I think that he was trying to scare me because he was going to bring his whole entire family up here to see my son. Now the only reason I think this is because at first he asked me if I would be mad if he brought a girl with him, then he decided to change his story saying he would have his license by then. After stating this he then decided to inform me that his whole family would be there.

Also I informed him that he could not just come and go as he pleased. He needed to have some sort of plan and that there was no way I was just going to let him up and take his son all the way to his moms house. I had taken him to court the first time he was in prison and the judge awarded me sole physical and legal custody with him getting no visitation time. I told him that he needed to take me to court to see his son and get the order modified. I feel that he needs to get his own life straight first before he even thinks about coming up here to try to see his son or take me to court. Also my son knows that he has two fathers he just does not know who is biological father is.

I would also like to add that my son had seen his bio dad once for a couple of hours between the times he was in prison, and I did the supervising which I will no longer be doing since he tried to get me into bed with him (while he knows that I was/am married) and he has no respect for me or my boundaries. I am wanting advise/ peoples opinions about how they see the whole situation. Also my son is in counseling because of some things that happened when my BD went to prison the first time and considered it to be a joke and thought that I was just doing it to use it against him in court. So when he was up here to see my son he would not come to the appointment I had set up with them and the therapist because of this. It gets very frustrating because he does not want to take responsibility for anything and wants to blame everything on everyone else and makes excuses as to why he cannot do such and such. I just want him to prove to me that he wants to be the father he says he does. I am wanting to know if how I am feeling about/handling the situation is correct or if people think I am just trying to make life hard on him (as he says)?

2 Comments

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Caitlin - posted on 04/20/2013

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I think it's completely understandable. It's not good for your son for him to be going in and out of his life. If he really wants to be a father then he shouldn't have a problem proving he's responsible and ready to be a adult. Good luck

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