needs more help

Jessi - posted on 06/11/2009 ( 9 moms have responded )

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I am a 21 year old mother of a beauiful 2 month old baby girl and i feel overwhelmed. I had an emergency c-section and had to go back to work 6 weeks after i had her because my fiance is unemployeed and we couldnt make bills. i dont no what to do sometimes, i love my daughter to death but i feel that i am always working so hard between the baby and work and starting school again. i just wish my fiance would step up more but i dont no how to tell him that with out him getting defencive. Please help me...

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Jess - posted on 06/11/2009

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You have every right to be overwhelmed.. how come your fiancee doesn't work? Is he having trouble finding a job or just doesn't want to work? I really hope that you can talk to him about these things because the last thing you need is to have so much stress that you stress you baby out too.. good luck and try to stay positive.

Misti - posted on 06/11/2009

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Quoting Marcia:

Jessi, I'm so sorry for your situation! It is so unfair...six weeks is crap for maternity leave (especially with a c-section). I agree with Melissa, just be honest. I hope you start feeling better soon and things start working themselves out.



I thought you get 8 weeks for maternity leave if it was a c-section.  6 weeks after my c-section I was still sore.  Someone really needs to go back over maternity leave policy, because that is just not right.

Misti - posted on 06/11/2009

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Quoting Marcia:

Jessi, I'm so sorry for your situation! It is so unfair...six weeks is crap for maternity leave (especially with a c-section). I agree with Melissa, just be honest. I hope you start feeling better soon and things start working themselves out.



I thought you get 8 weeks for maternity leave if it was a c-section.  6 weeks after my c-section I was still sore.  Someone really needs to go back over maternity leave policy, because that is just not right.

Misti - posted on 06/11/2009

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I was lucky enough to be able to stay home till my baby was almost 4 mos but my husband lost his job and I found a job. I had to ask him to help me out, because I was just feeling overwhelmed. He was getting umenployment but I just needed help around the house, because I was working 14 hr days and when I came home I wanted to spend time with my baby. He ended up helping out a lot. He got a job and right after that my job ended up letting me go. But the best way is to be honest about it and don't sound like your lecturing him. Always ask for help whenever you need it though, because you don't want to be frustrated around your daughter.

Melissa - posted on 06/11/2009

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Quoting Marcia:

It is so unfair...six weeks is crap for maternity leave (especially with a c-section).


I find that so hard to believe! Six weeks is nothing. In Canada we get 17 weeks for maternity leave then another 35 for parental that we(moms) can either take all of or share with our partner.



I also agree with Sarah, try a more positive appoach rather than snapping at him for not helping you as much. Starting to "talk" about it by snapping will usually end up in a fight. Atleast that's what i've learned. If you are calm when you talk to him, he'll be less likely to blow up. And once he starts doing the little things more, bring up that you've appreciated the extra help, and remind him that you still aren't in 100% shape...

Melissa - posted on 06/11/2009

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Quoting Marcia:

It is so unfair...six weeks is crap for maternity leave (especially with a c-section).


I find that so hard to believe! Six weeks is nothing. In Canada we get 17 weeks for maternity leave then another 35 for parental that we(moms) can either take all of or share with our partner.



I also agree with Sarah, try a more positive appoach rather than snapping at him for not helping you as much. Starting to "talk" about it by snapping will usually end up in a fight. Atleast that's what i've learned. If you are calm when you talk to him, he'll be less likely to blow up. And once he starts doing the little things more, bring up that you've appreciated the extra help, and remind him that you still aren't in 100% shape...

Marcia - posted on 06/11/2009

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Jessi, I'm so sorry for your situation! It is so unfair...six weeks is crap for maternity leave (especially with a c-section). I agree with Melissa, just be honest. I hope you start feeling better soon and things start working themselves out.

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I would just start by asking him to do little things like change her diaper while you're doing something else like cooking, studying, or whatever. If he resists, all you can really do is talk to him about it. He may get defensive, but you also need to let him know that you need his help. Maybe try to approach it from the aspect of "I can't do this all on my own. Can you help me?" versus a "why aren't you doing your share?" approach.

Melissa - posted on 06/11/2009

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My best advice.... BE HONEST WITH HIM! Don't let him think you're doing ok if you're not. If you need help say so! Ask other family if they can help out at all. Don't be afraid to be honest and to ask for help when you need it!

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