new single mom

Ajsa - posted on 11/08/2013 ( 20 moms have responded )

37

0

5

hey every one i am a 20 year old with a 3 month old who's father just left me out of the blue, what are some things you guys did to keep yourself busy and not thinking about there father, he has not been messaging me to even see her or ask about her. it feel as if he has got cold feet and is balling not just on me but on his child and i don't know what to do anymore cause when i ask if he want to see her i get called a bitch and get told i got problems are relationship was abusive at times but i just don't know what to do anymore and really need some help or someone to talk too... i just really need advice on what to do and how to get him to just see his child and what i can do to start getting some respect from him...

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Shawnteria - posted on 11/09/2013

63

0

12

where do you live?......and honestly and i hope you dont take this the wrong way but you can do better. you cant make a man be a man he has to be ready and you cant stress on trying to get him to come see his daughter or be with you for your daughters sake you have to be strong and stay above him. i know it sounds easier than it is but by letting him go and do whatever he's doing you will gain your respect from him dont get me wrong when he notices your not caring for him anymore and he's done having fun he'll come back but thats when you have to be strong dont take him back not the first time not the second either or the third even if you know eventually you will but if you really want your respect you have to make it clear to him that he's not needed he's only there because you want him to be. i know this all sounds like a game but if your like most of us young girls you'll take him back i just dont want you to make it easy on him because then he'll think he can always walk over you and you'll never get the respect you as a mother deserve. most people would just tell you to leave him which is right you should but i know you wont so thats why i just want you to gain your respect and build your self esteem hopefully in doing this you'll realize you deserve better and more.

goodluck

Katie - posted on 11/10/2013

26

0

1

He's not worthy of you or your child. Cut him out, fully, regardless of how hard it is. Your baby is young... This is the time to move forward, before the baby grows up and knows who he is and that he's missing. I hate hearing things like this, it makes my blood boil. I too was a younger mom, at 23, and although my fiancé and I are still together going strong I had my doubts at some points. I always felt ins m. HEART a sense of comfort knowing how many men there are in the world, and how many of them have no problem loving you and your child, even if it's a child with someone else. Never forget you are worthy of love, you are worthy of a man who respects you..if he doesn't know how? Someone else will...

20 Comments

View replies by

Lacy - posted on 11/16/2013

14

0

2

Anytime. If you ever need someone to listen or advice. Just email me on here. I am not perfect. I just like to help when I can. Hope all goes well. And if it ever comes time to walk away, I pray you have the strength to do so.

Ajsa - posted on 11/15/2013

37

0

5

That is true i think its time for me to put my foot down and tell him what is what and what is going to happen and how its going to happen.. thank you for your help.

Lacy - posted on 11/15/2013

14

0

2

I completely understand. It is hard. And it will be. He's trying to control the situation. You do what you want to do. Do not let him have control. That is a mistake I made many times. God made a woman out of the man's rib. Not to stand behind a man. But to stand beside him. As far as the mind games, You have to be the one to take a stand. You are the one allowing him to continue to treat you less than you deserve. Once again I am not placing judgment nor am I criticizing you in any way. I have been there. And only God can judge. It's up to you to put a stop to it. If you continue to allow him to play mind games and to control your life, it will be a never ending circle. It's up to YOU to put a stop to it. For your child and yourself. It all starts with you.

Ajsa - posted on 11/14/2013

37

0

5

Thank you and i get and understand what you mean, i wish i could just do that but its so hard when i tell him i want to find a job and he gets mad and says no dont stay home with her call me if you need something i will pay your rent for you i will pay for anything you need dont go get... and then one day he is treating me like we are still together then the next day like im nothing. i dont know if he wants to play mind games with me or if he wants to work things out.. he is trying to be there now but he puts me through hell when he dose see her

Lacy - posted on 11/14/2013

14

0

2

Hello. I am in a similar situation kinda of different but similar. I don't want to force advice down your throat because I am still learning myself. But I can tell you if there is abuse involved, you are better off without him. It will be hard. But you have a child now. That's what gave me the strength to walk away. Because I didn't/nor do not want my child subjected to that type of behavior. I am not judging you by no means. My advice......Walk away and let it go........Better yet run and don't look back. Time will heal all wounds. To help me deal with the pain of things I watch inspirational videos.......go to https://www.facebook.com/LikeTrentShelto...'s very inspirational and speaks the truth. God Bless You. And what ever decision you make I wish you the best!

Ndugga - posted on 11/14/2013

10

0

6

U have to be very strong because it is very hard being both mom and dad to a child but its not impossible. My son is 11months today and his father he only seen him about 3 times. It makes me sad that i cant give my boy a worthy father but i do my best to play both parts. Just get a job(if u dont have one now) & focus on your little one. I would rather have my son fatherless thab a "father" thats not worth the title. Anyway i cut the father off and he isnt in our lives at all. Try that.

Eliza Louise - posted on 11/12/2013

3

0

0

Be strong lovey, you have to be now because u have a treasure in your hands that needs your love. I have been in a similar position and no matter what your age it's painful and hurts and is hard to control your head to be there for u and bub and not to dwell on what 'dad' should be doing. It's easier said then done but rise above his pathetic decisions and follow through your own path

Ajsa - posted on 11/12/2013

37

0

5

im not at all, and i see where you are coming from and i do all that cause i want to find the person that i feel in love with, he say's i changed to much and i am not the same person that he feel in love with...

Mathandise - posted on 11/10/2013

24

0

2

I agree with Shawnteria Willis.She is right by saying you cannot make a man to be a man.In a first place he knows very well that he has child why must you remind him of his responsibility.Is his duty to see his child is his duty to take care of the child why must he be reminded of the obvious?I had a young sister who was in the same situation where the boyfriend leave her for another woman.When the child was born the bf acted innocent how he wanted to be his family.My young sister forgive him and that only lasted for a weeks.The child is 3 months he only came to see the child 2 times when she was 2 weeks.I know is hard but i think the best is to let him go.What make him to leave you in the first place?He decided to leave when you most needed him.Hope no one is offended by my commend.Give it time and all will pass.

Ajsa - posted on 11/10/2013

37

0

5

see at that point id be telling him off and what a shit dad he is.
he has said not matter what i or baby need that he will help
but he seems to be in his own world, i have talked with him mom
and she is trying to get us to work things out but its so hard when
we are both trying to make it be our way or the high way

Jaylene - posted on 11/10/2013

5

0

0

That's good!!! I'm in the middle, some days I don't want him to eff off, and other days I just feel like she needs him.. My baby daddy doesn't pay child support in two years has prob seen her a dozen times.

Jaylene - posted on 11/10/2013

5

0

0

Let him see her as he pleases. That's what I do! I let my baby daddy come in and out. And one day they will need to explain there actions to their children

Ajsa - posted on 11/09/2013

37

0

5

yes i know this, i will be the mom and the dad that she needs in her life, she has so many people who love her and if he wont step out there are many men out their who will take care of this little girl as there own... not that im looking or anything,,,

but he has finally asked to see her so im happy he is trying to have a relationship with her

Jaylene - posted on 11/09/2013

5

0

0

You can't make him see her, As much as you want the baby daddy to be there and as much as you try & guilt if won't work. My daughter is 2, I left him for reasons when she was a month old, I've always had am opener door towards him. I've tried over n over for him to have a relationship with his daughter. Don't loose sleep, just know that your daughter & your bond is going to be very stronger

Ajsa - posted on 11/09/2013

37

0

5

thanks, at this moment we are just talking about that baby and what is best for her and i have lost a lot of respect for him, so if we do get back together i don't want to be moving in with him and i want to take things slow, he needs to grow up and see that it takes 2 to make a baby not 1... but when everyone says leave him they also says dont let him see his kid and i cant do that not to her or him cause when he dose see her he is all over her and loving her...
and i live in Vancouver

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms