New to being a single mom.

User - posted on 07/19/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

4

1

0

HI my name is Elisa i have a 3 and a half year old daughter named Allison who is my hole world. I am new to being a single mom and it is hard but i am lucky enough to have my family to help. my daughter is going through alot sence her father and i split up and her additude isnt all that great so any advice on making this transition easyer on her would be greatly appreciated.

11 Comments

View replies by

Britni - posted on 07/20/2009

44

14

2

hey mandy.. i have a cousin named many lee. so when i saw that you posted to this in my notifications i was like dang...why is she posting to this! so nice to see it was you. anyway, i was not abused. my case was just the opposite i was snowed in.. he acted like he was gonna take care of me forever. he would come over to my house in the morning before i left for work and check my oil and the tire pressurein my car, but the day we got married everything changed. i don't think he ever so much as changed a light bulb. we were getting ready to move and he up and walked out on me and my son when he was 1 1/2. i found out 2 weeks later that i was pregnant, so now my youngest will be 1 on aug 1st. we were married for 6 years in november and the divorce was finalized about a month ago.

i wanted to tell you that i totally agree that you should reassure her that u know she misses her daddy. sometimes it's so hard to, but so important! and make sure that nobody talks bad about their daddy in front of them b/c a blow to their dad is a blow to them. just wish we could protect them from everything!

User - posted on 07/19/2009

2

2

0

sorry I meant to say HEY ELISA. Britni as well. I'd luv to chat w/you guys! In understand too!

User - posted on 07/19/2009

2

2

0

Hey Erica! Girl, believe me I know what your going thru. I'm a divorced single mom of 3 beautiful girls and I'm 25. Faith my oldest is 6, Lexi is 20mths, and Samantha - 4mths. We were married for almost 7 years, seperated 3 times went to counseling over and over and finally last year he did something that was just really the last straw for me. So, I filed for divorce and we've now been divorced for a year. He was very verbally, sexually, and mentally abusive. He's also a control freak, manipulative and deceitful man. He could write a book on it! BTW, he was in a relationship w/another woman not even 2wks after our divorce was final. Neway...i would love to talk to you more on here about it. It's VERY long and complicated and would take up this page 10x over! LOL! If youd like to add me on FB maybe we could encourage one another. But to answer your question about your daughters attitude. Believe me girl I've been thru that w/Faith. Horrible beyond horrible attitude problems! Words shes said to me that cuts u to the core!! Other than God's grace I have no idea how I've made it this far. She has had an extremely hard time dealing w/all this. Not only that but he joined the Army and left her in December. Now lives out of state in TX. Three wks ago was the first time she's seen him since December! I've actually had to put her in counseling some. But God's really been moving and helping heal her poor little heart. She has drastically changed in the last few months. Just don't give up!! All u can do is reassure her that u know she misses her daddy. And It's ok to feel that! neway. I'd luv to chat w/you more about it!

Britni - posted on 07/19/2009

44

14

2

ugh! dang girl i thought i had it bad with my ex! of course mine's just a pathalogical iar and a coward. lol

the courts are a joke somtimes though. they seem to forget about things like that. that's terrible i sure hope he doesn't get her 50 50.

User - posted on 07/19/2009

4

1

0

tell me about it this is his second girlfriend sence we split up and he had allie calling tho other one mommy on mothers day... oh i wanted to kill them both but when they broke up allie kept asking for her kids and i had to explain to her that that wasnt daddys girlfriend anymore.. and now he wants her 50/50 but he works all day so she is sapose to stay with that girl.. hell no we go back to court the 31st and he thinks we are gona go in front of the judge which is fine with me caus that judg dosent like him he was late to court 3 times so obvously its a huge priority to him right?

Britni - posted on 07/19/2009

44

14

2

yeah i totally agree, and ask him what you are supposed to tell her when that girl leaves and her "sister" is gone?! that is so sad that his g-friend is yelling at her, omg i bet you just want to come through that phone. one of my ex's old roomates had a gfriend like that. he had his daughter every other weekend and claimed she was the world to him, but would let his gfriend scream at his little girl all the time. she even wet her pants some times she was so scared to ask her to go to the bathroom. the sad thing is that i don't think her mom was too great either. i always asked to watch her and i would play with her and get her away from his gfriend as much as possible. that is so hard, but atleast she has you. I guess just make sure that allison knows that is not acceptable and to tell her dad. some men can be so stupid can't they? what are they thinking, to stick with someone who doesn't absolutley adore their children?!

User - posted on 07/19/2009

4

1

0

Hey Britni thanks i am so glad to hear from people going through this.. the sad thing is that my ex is playing head games with my daughter and this new girlfriend i know nothing about her.. all i know is allie hates going over ther and every time i talk to her i hear that girl yelling at her so it makes me sick.. and they have her calling that girls baby her sister and i tell allie she dosent have a sister sence mommy cant have anymore kids( i had to have a historectomy after allie) that she probably wont. i know some people would think im a bitch for telling her that but if every girlfiends kids a sister she is gona be confused over the next 15 years

Britni - posted on 07/19/2009

44

14

2

Girl! i am with ya, i have a 3 1/2 yr old too and my divorce was just finalized a few months ago. My ex decided to move my son over to his girlfriends house for visitaiton every other weekend. It's crazy that there is nothing we can do about that, it makes me so mad b/c you are so right, they are not ready for things like that. Hopefully he dates decent girls that will be sweet to allison. That is the only thing we can hope for. And I know what you mean, my son had really bad behavioral issues. we split about a year and a half ago, and his attitude is already much better. I guess the best advice i can give you is to just make sure she knows that she can talk to you about anything. You are def not the only one in that boat, just hang in there it will get better.

User - posted on 07/19/2009

4

1

0

lla, thanks its just nice to know that somewhere out there other people are going through this. i mean im no stranger to divorce my mom did it twice and i remember how it was being a kid going through it and now im the parent so it sucks. the back and forth going to court thing sucks too. but what i dont get is how do you explain to a little kid why there is a new mommy at dads house on the weekends..this is his second girlfriend sence we have split up and i dont think it is right for my daughter to be around that so soon am i wrong in thinking this?

Ila - posted on 07/19/2009

2

9

1

Hi. First off, me and my soon to be ex husband split up when our daughter was 9 months old, so I have been a single mom since then, and I know that it is hard. Its hard finding that balance between discipline and loving them and not indulging too much to compensate for not having a father there. I really havent found that balance, but Im working on it...and I dont have any answers for you, all I can say is that I know what you are going through, and I am here to talk to if you need it!

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms