No more "no"

Ali - posted on 07/15/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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My daughter has descided that her new favorite word is "no". Everything is "no mommy" or "no, daddy!" oftern with a punishing index finger in our face. Time out ussually works for other problems when it comes to disciplin. but it's just not getting the job done. I dont think she understands that it's ok for me to tell her no, but if she says it to me it can be disrespectful. Any one have any tips on how I can make her understand why its wrong? Or am I doomed to just have to wait this stage out as I am sure I will have to wait out many more in the future. Thanks moms!

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September - posted on 07/15/2009

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Quoting Holly:



Quoting Jamie:




Quoting Holly:

My 21 moth-old does this too. I just ignore her when she says it or I turn to my other kids and say something like, "Let's go play in the other room. We don't want to play with a meanie." She usually comes into the other room right after us and gives me a big hug and kiss and says sorry. I don' tknow if it's really helping since she still does the 'no' thing and the finger wave (which is actually pretty new for her), but it helps her understand that what she is doing is wrong. another thing we are working on is "mine" - she says everything is hers and won't share, and I treat it the same way as "no"

hope that helps!








I dont think you should be calling your child a "meanie". Then #1 your sending the message its ok to call names and #2 you can actually hurt your childs self esteem.  You could say her talking to you that way is not very nice. But calling a child  name should never be an option, honestly, kinda sounds childish yourself.










That's what works, so that's what I do. I don't think "meanie" is a bad or mean word or name and it doesn't hurt her self esteem. She knows that by doing that behavior she is being mean and it's not nice. You have every right to your opinion, but I think I have a right to mine too. My daughter does not call people names and she is a very happy well-rounded child. I am not harming her in any way and it is getting my message across. Sorry if it offends you, but that is how I am and that is how I choose to raise my children.





Maybe rather than calling your child a meanie you could simply say to her that she is acting inappropriately. As much as you like to think that calling names is not hurting her self esteem studies have proven otherwise. Just some food for thought....I would NEVER call my child names!!

Julie - posted on 07/15/2009

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I always just tell my kids,"You don't tell me no! You say okay momma!" My older ones got over it pretty quickly, my youngest has just started this stage.

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Jackie - posted on 07/15/2009

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My son went through that stage he'll be 3 next month, his new thing is no you shut up. I either ignore it or tell him that's nice you don't say that. (Cause of course he hears me telling my husband that multiple times every day).

Ali - posted on 07/15/2009

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Thank you soo much moms! This is my first day in the mom circle, and I asked a question and got so many replys within minutes!! I wish I knew about this group a year ago! thanks ladies! Everyone's comments were very helpful! :)

Jela - posted on 07/15/2009

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My son did the same thing for a while and what seemed to work was ignoring it and tried to tell him the word no less . I used other words and gave explanations to why he couldnt have or do somtehing.

September - posted on 07/15/2009

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Try using the word "stop" rather than "no". I've done some reading recently that suggested this. Remember your child will demonstrate the behavior you model. If you are repeatedly stating "no" it makes sense they will also choose to use this word. In using skills such as demonstration they learn by seeing what is appropriate. When you provide options you are allowing your child to realize there are potential options available to each situation. The answer does not always have to be no....good luck!

[deleted account]

Quoting Jamie:



Quoting Holly:

also, instead of telling her no I say "We don't do things like that in this family." (ex: she throws food on the floor from the high chair and I say "We don't do that" and she says sorry and doesn't do it anymore, for that night at least) It sems to work pretty well as that is how I got her to stop throwing tantrums :)

another thing i do is holding her big sister (6) as an example. I'll say something like "Sasha is being a big girl and eating her dinner all gone" so it's not really directed at Nadia (the 21 month-old), but she gets the point... plus she alwasy wants to be just like her big sister!

Good luck!






I also dont feel its a good idea to compare children. Each child is different and should be able to express themselves individually without fear of being judged. Instead you could say " Good job at eating your dinner Sasha" Then your not implying to the other child they are bad or a baby. Just a thought.





I'm not comparing, I'm holding her as an example. There's a big difference, especially when she looks up to her big sister as much as she does.



 



But, this conversation really has no point in being on this thread, so if you have any more critisizms of how I raise my children please just send me a mesage and I will reply to you there.

September - posted on 07/15/2009

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I think that it is a stage that she is going thorough. Although you can play your part by using the word "stop" rather than "no". I've done some reading which suggest not using the word "no" Remember your child will demonstrate the behavior you model. If you are repeatedly stating "no" it makes sense they will also choose to use this word. In using skills such as demonstration they learn by seeing what is appropriate. When you provide options you are allowing your child to realize there are potential options available to each situation. The answer does not always have to be no....good luck!

[deleted account]

Quoting Jamie:



Quoting Holly:

My 21 moth-old does this too. I just ignore her when she says it or I turn to my other kids and say something like, "Let's go play in the other room. We don't want to play with a meanie." She usually comes into the other room right after us and gives me a big hug and kiss and says sorry. I don' tknow if it's really helping since she still does the 'no' thing and the finger wave (which is actually pretty new for her), but it helps her understand that what she is doing is wrong. another thing we are working on is "mine" - she says everything is hers and won't share, and I treat it the same way as "no"

hope that helps!






I dont think you should be calling your child a "meanie". Then #1 your sending the message its ok to call names and #2 you can actually hurt your childs self esteem.  You could say her talking to you that way is not very nice. But calling a child  name should never be an option, honestly, kinda sounds childish yourself.






That's what works, so that's what I do. I don't think "meanie" is a bad or mean word or name and it doesn't hurt her self esteem. She knows that by doing that behavior she is being mean and it's not nice. You have every right to your opinion, but I think I have a right to mine too. My daughter does not call people names and she is a very happy well-rounded child. I am not harming her in any way and it is getting my message across. Sorry if it offends you, but that is how I am and that is how I choose to raise my children.

Jamie - posted on 07/15/2009

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Quoting Holly:

also, instead of telling her no I say "We don't do things like that in this family." (ex: she throws food on the floor from the high chair and I say "We don't do that" and she says sorry and doesn't do it anymore, for that night at least) It sems to work pretty well as that is how I got her to stop throwing tantrums :)

another thing i do is holding her big sister (6) as an example. I'll say something like "Sasha is being a big girl and eating her dinner all gone" so it's not really directed at Nadia (the 21 month-old), but she gets the point... plus she alwasy wants to be just like her big sister!

Good luck!



I also dont feel its a good idea to compare children. Each child is different and should be able to express themselves individually without fear of being judged. Instead you could say " Good job at eating your dinner Sasha" Then your not implying to the other child they are bad or a baby. Just a thought.

Jamie - posted on 07/15/2009

1,488

41

234

Quoting Holly:

My 21 moth-old does this too. I just ignore her when she says it or I turn to my other kids and say something like, "Let's go play in the other room. We don't want to play with a meanie." She usually comes into the other room right after us and gives me a big hug and kiss and says sorry. I don' tknow if it's really helping since she still does the 'no' thing and the finger wave (which is actually pretty new for her), but it helps her understand that what she is doing is wrong. another thing we are working on is "mine" - she says everything is hers and won't share, and I treat it the same way as "no"

hope that helps!



I dont think you should be calling your child a "meanie". Then #1 your sending the message its ok to call names and #2 you can actually hurt your childs self esteem.  You could say her talking to you that way is not very nice. But calling a child  name should never be an option, honestly, kinda sounds childish yourself.

[deleted account]

also, instead of telling her no I say "We don't do things like that in this family." (ex: she throws food on the floor from the high chair and I say "We don't do that" and she says sorry and doesn't do it anymore, for that night at least) It sems to work pretty well as that is how I got her to stop throwing tantrums :)



another thing i do is holding her big sister (6) as an example. I'll say something like "Sasha is being a big girl and eating her dinner all gone" so it's not really directed at Nadia (the 21 month-old), but she gets the point... plus she alwasy wants to be just like her big sister!



Good luck!

[deleted account]

My 21 moth-old does this too. I just ignore her when she says it or I turn to my other kids and say something like, "Let's go play in the other room. We don't want to play with a meanie." She usually comes into the other room right after us and gives me a big hug and kiss and says sorry. I don' tknow if it's really helping since she still does the 'no' thing and the finger wave (which is actually pretty new for her), but it helps her understand that what she is doing is wrong. another thing we are working on is "mine" - she says everything is hers and won't share, and I treat it the same way as "no"



hope that helps!

Carrie - posted on 07/15/2009

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if you ignor it and don't give her attention when she's doing it she'll soon stop, but praise for good behaviour. and if your going to tell her no give clear instuctions like No and a reason why. rather than just no

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