not a single mom but feel like one

Mallory - posted on 08/27/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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my boyfriend and I are still together but dont live together right now. we live like 25 minutes apart. he comes to stay on the weekends with me and our son but he doesnt seem to help out to much when hes here. i still have to wake up to feed our son when hes here and change his diapers and feed him throughout the day when hes here. i would think he would want to help me more since i take care of our son monday thru friday all day, all night by myself so the least he could do when he stays here on friday-sunday he could help me more with taking care of our son. it just makes me feel like a single mom sometimes even know we are together.

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LoriAnn - posted on 08/29/2009

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i kno the feeling my fiance and i live together and have twin girls.....and the last thing he wants to do is change a diaper or wake up early....there were many fights...and it took him realizing the girls (now 4months) smile when i walk in the room, and calm in my arms...and they are all around happier with me...it killed him to see theyd choose me over him even at such a young age...this made him step up (and the many embarrassing times in front of his fam when he couldnt get them to calm down)

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Amber - posted on 09/01/2009

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I live with my boyfriend, but he works such long hours. My son and I leave at 7am to start our day my son goes to grandma's and I go to work. My son goes to bed anywhere between 7-8 and his dad doesn't get home until at least 8 every night so he doesn't seem him all week long. I thought he should be excited to do things with him on the weekend, but no he wasn't. I have completely gone off on him and told him that I might as well be a single parent if I am going to do everything myself. After talking he really felt as if everything just is natural for me to do everything and he feels like he has no clue what to do. So I told him everything that he can do and I told him that he was going to be doing half of it. He has been ever since he does half of everything on the weekends. Half the meals half the baths half the getting up early in the morning and we are much happier. My son also responds to him so much more it is amazing the difference in how he gets happy when he is there now. I find it effective to go off some times to get my point across it works for me

Lesley - posted on 08/31/2009

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i have a awesome daddy and there are still times he takes all the things i do for granted and vise-versa...lay the law down to him! if he loves the both of you, he will have to step it up! all men are lazy, some are motivated, some are just not...men need a little encouragement and appreciation at times, reward his good behavior just as you would a child lol...just be like here's the deal sweetie and don't take no excuses...thinking of you!

Mallory - posted on 08/31/2009

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I have talked to him about the way i feel and that i would like it if he would help out more when hes here and he just started arguing with me so i guess im gonna be the one taking care of our son 24/7. im sure he will regret it later though when our son is more attached to me than him.

Bridgette - posted on 08/29/2009

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I know that feeling way to well. My husband who works a 2nd shift job and I take care of our son 24/7. When my son came home from the nicu he worked 3rds so naturally I would take care of him but it became to where my husband would come home and I would be up all night and day with our son feeding every 2 hours and watching a apena monitor every second. I wanted to scream "HELP ME" but I never did and our son is now 13 months and its still the same. I tried bitching at him and asking him and now Ive given up on it and just realized if I want it done then I will do it. Now Im not saying he's a bad husband or father because I stay at home with our son. He is very involved with Ethan but I wish he would help out more with out being asked. I dont have any advice except try talking to him but know your doing the best job you can. Keep your head up!

Amanda - posted on 08/29/2009

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my ex was just like that and now we are not even together and its a chore to get him to spend any time with our son its a realy shitty situation but you will get through it i did and now me and my son are better off because where not weateing arround all day for his dad to come around it is waht it is take it or leave it hes not going to change

Shauna - posted on 08/29/2009

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I guess I'm really lucky in the regard that my husband has always been much more involved than the average guy. He took off two months by taking advantage of FMLA, and I think that really helped him to know how much I have to do in order to take care of our daughter. I have to go back to work and because of financial reasons, he's going to stay at home with her during the day. I guess my biggest fear is that he won't teach her as well as I imagine that I would. But I think that it's definitely due to the fact that my husband went into the pregnancy knowing that I need his help, and to him, taking care of me is not a specifically monetary thing (like most guys who seem to think that bringing home a paycheck is all they need to do). I need him to be my partner. To stand side by side with me and support me while I support him back. I think that is the most important part of a relationship, especially when children come into the mix.

The first step to trying to do something about it is to bring your guy on board with you. Talk to him, let him know what you expect of him; what you need from him. Help him to understand that part of being a father is actually being able to be involved with raising and caring for your children together.

If he's not willing to be a part of your life and help with responsibilities, he's no better than a paycheck with a penis. I think that a real man should be a whole person; not simply define himself by what he makes in a month. If he's not a partner, then you don't deserve to be a basically a single mom who can't even date!

Cassandra - posted on 08/29/2009

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i had the same poblem with my now ex as we had 2 kids together and we also lived together at the time and i would be the one stuck at home doing everything for the kids while he went and had fun drinking with friends and living a free life i end up saying something and said if things dont change he will be single as i felt like i was single and doing everything it all changed and he helped for like a month if that and then went back to it old ways so noow we are not together had havent been for over 3 1/2 yrs and he has his kids every second weekend and he has to look after them cos no one else to do it for him.
so talk to him and ask for more help let him know how u feel and say u want things to change and u want more help with bub
good luck

LoriAnn - posted on 08/29/2009

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they only want the babies when they r fun, i kno that also added to him wanting to be with the girls becuz now they were "fun" and they showed they appreciated what he did....spending time with them made his effort worth it....if he didnt see a reaction he didnt wana be with them...but us moms have to have good and bad sick and well pee and poop diapers!! lol

Mackenzie - posted on 08/29/2009

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I know how you feel. My husband and I had many a argument about the night shift especially. But when my 2nd was born and I was on bed rest he was forced to step up to the plate and when we talked about it later I found out he was more willing to help when he felt appreciated for doing what he did no matter how minor the task. Granted I know we want to feel appreciated too, but... my husband realized how important it is that his daughters know they can trust him to take care of them too...

Tiffany - posted on 08/29/2009

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I know how you feel - when my ex was around during the pregnancy and for the year after my daughter was born, my ex helped with NOTHING. While I was pregnant he wouldnt help me with things I couldnt do on my own, including putting on my socks and sneaker, so I had to wear flip-flops the last few months cause I couldnt reach my feet, and carrying the laundry downstairs to wash. And after my daughter was born he didnt do anything. And mind you, he WASNT working. I was the one up all night with her, fed her, changed her, took her to the doctor. And on top of that, right after my daughter was born, we got custody of his 5 year old daughter from his ex wife... And the entire year I allowed him to stay with me I had to take care of both kids (dont get me wrong, I did it happily). I took them all to the doctor for check ups and when they were sick, fed them, packed lunches, and even went to his daughter's parent teacher meetings cause he wouldnt go.



I dont know if youve said anything to him about it... I know that even when I did, it didnt matter. My ex wouldnt touch a dirty diaper... and the rare times I made him because my hands were full, he gagged the entire time... Real mature, right. But thats why he's an ex... (Yet has the nerve to fight me for custody now that she's 3yrs old).

Cindy - posted on 08/29/2009

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Have you tried talking to him? I have a friend whos husband never helped out with their baby. She didn't want to talk to him about it because he worked a full time job but If you say something and expalin how you feel maybe it will help. Maybe it won't do anything but you deserve some help with your baby because he is both of yours! Your baby is both your responsibility. He needs both his parents!

Amber - posted on 08/29/2009

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I agree with Loriann. My husband never helped me at first about a month ago when our daughter was 4 months old, my husband didn't like that our daughter only liked me. It really made him think that he wants his daughter to smile at him and love him so now he helps more but still doesn't get up with her feed her but does bathe her once in a while

Tray - posted on 08/29/2009

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i know how u feel me and my partner live together but when my daughter first arrived 11 months ago i was getting up every night and looking after her all day but it felt like he never spent any time with her. But i talked with him or maybe argued with him but he takes more responsilibility now during the nights we have set days and nights where we have quality time with her and duties during the night.

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