Not sure where to go from here -

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

Ok - my story is long, and a little bit unbelievable - but true. I'm looking for advice.



My husband and I started trying to have kids in 2006. I suffered through three miscarriages, before we finally got a viable pregnancy. In order to achieve this, I was on chlomid, and also had to take progesterone, and have shots each week once I was pregnant to make sure everything went as it should.



During pregnancy, I developed hypertension. I was induced two weeks early, but had a beautiful, healthy baby boy.



During labor, I was given antibiotics because I was a strep B carrier, A standard procedure. Unfortunately, about two weeks after giving birth, I noticed that my stools were changing. I ended up with a severe C-Diff infection, which can cause (and did) bloody diarrhea.



Everything they gave me failed to work in clearing it up. I dropped 60lbs in a matter of two and a half months. At the same time I was batteling this, I also had a herniated disc in my back that needed operating on. In order to even get out of bed, I had to be on high doses of pain killers (which were no treat to come off of.)



I was admitted to the hospital on two different occasions. During the first, they thought I just had C-Diff. During the second, I was admitted with Pancreatitis from the medication I had been on, and it was found that I have Ulcerative Colitis. I life-long disease, that causes chronic, bloody diarrhea.



Luckily my body responded to the "last-resort" drug used to knock it into remission. I take over ten pills a day now to keep it in remission. While a future pregnancy may cause the symptoms to get better, the drop in hormones after birth could cause a flare-up again.



My question is this. Do I try to have another child? Or does it seem to anyone else that God may be trying to push us in the direction of adopting our next child? My husband and I both have no problem with that. Am I wrong to be scared to death of being pregnant again? Or is it worth the risk? I just know my little Markus is the light of my life. If I had to do this all again - for him - I would. I just don't want to do it all again, and not win my battle this time - and leave my family fending for themselves.



Any thoughts/ input would be great!

5 Comments

View replies by

Tracy - posted on 04/17/2009

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Hi michelle, my cousin was in the same sitution as you and she didn't no what to do after having her little girl and in the end decided to adopt a baby boy who she loves just as much as her little girl.A 6 weeks after adopting she found out that she was pregnant she had manage to concive naturally the pregnancy an birth went well an she now has twins a boy who was 5lb 1oz and a girl 4lb 8oz.

Amie - posted on 04/16/2009

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If I was in your shoes I'd adopt. I couldn't imagine leaving my family behind to fend for themselves as you put it. I want to be there to see them grow and start their own families. I want to be the crazy old gramma that they laugh at. =) Adoption is a wonderful thing and doesn't mean the baby isn't any less yours.
If God does want you to go through it again though you'll know. Everyone has their own personal relationship with him, whatever they call him. You'll know the choice in your heart more than anyone will be able to advise you on what to do. So look deep and think hard, the answer will come to you for yourself and your family but it sounds like you're already leaning towards adoption if your scared of what might happen and leaving your family behind. Best of luck with your decision.

[deleted account]

Thanks for the input and advice. It's just so hard when you have one doctor telling you it's ok, and another telling you don't even think about it. I'm horrible at making decisions in the first place - I like to make other people happy - but this is something I have to deal with. My husband and family understand. The really hard part is that I'm not supposed to beon any birth control either. So it's a very big decision to make. Once I decide to not have any more children, I'll probably have the Essure procedure done - which is a lot less invasive than having your tubes tied. It's just so hard to make a definate decision!



It does help getting other people's opinions though - especially opinions of women who have had children. I like to tell people that labor was the easy part! It was everything else that was difficult!



Thanks again for the advice!

Joy - posted on 04/16/2009

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It seems a bit dangerous to try again. Adoption is always a wonderful choice. Sometimes a surprise pregnancy happens, even in an impossible situation so you may want to wait a little while before you decide. A coworker of mine was never supposed to have children and had several miscarriages but somehow she did get pregnant naturally and everything turned out alright.

Jamie - posted on 04/16/2009

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My thought is, if it something that may leave your child without a mom then dont do it. Or whats the joy in having a new baby if your to sick to enjoy him/her. If I was in your situation I would adopt. I hope things get better for you.

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