omg she just keeps lying.

Nicki - posted on 04/14/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My 4 year old lies and lies and lies. And i just don't know how to handle her anymore. Have tried taking her stuff away (that made it worse), tried grounding her(she didn't care), tried talking to her and she lied still. I even smacked her and she carried on to anyone that would listen that i was nasty to her. now she wants to move out. arrrh am at my wits end with her. help please.

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Nicki - posted on 04/15/2009

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Thanks for all the advice it has helped to make me understand that my hate of lying has stopped me from looking at the problem objectively and that made me realise that i am lucky that she did this so early. As i can now set a clear rule of no lying and my boys will have it in place before they get to this stage. We sat down and had a big talk last night when the boys were in bed and she told me that a friend at school doesn't get in trouble when she tells stories. And i explained that i wanted my little girl back. The one that i'm proud of and together we worked out punishments for bad behaviour and since it will be in place for all of them i think that she will try her hardest to follow them cause she helped make them. Thanks again to all.

MiMi - posted on 04/14/2009

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It helps to be consistant with the punishment.  If you try something different every week then they will not know what is coming when they lie.  I too do the point system, but I buy the little stars that the teachers use.  My son likes to stick it on the sheet.  But you have to stick with it.  It will only work if it doesn't change.  Spanking will only resort in them looking at you like your being mean, and sometimes makes behaviors worse.  Have you sat back and thought about why she lies, or how she even learned what a lie was in the first place.  Children copy what they see, even if it's off of the TV.  Monkey see monkey do sadly.  They don't know better, even if we look at them and say "You know better than that", their only kids, and no, they really don't know.  I baby sat this little girl, she was 8 at the time, but her mother had the same issues.  I used kids stories that spoke about why it's bad to lie.  Like the boy who cried wolf, and anything that I could make up.  I've found that sometimes examples can help when they don't want to listen to us.  Try finding cartoons that cover the issue.  Sometimes making it fun for her to understand may make her want to listen.  Good Luck!

Lina - posted on 04/14/2009

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i feel your pain!  My son not only lies, but then accuses ME and answers me back.  When I told him he was lying to me, he said "no, you are lying to yourself" .  that was the 1st time and I had no clue what to do.  We had him evaluated today for behavioral therapy.  I am excited to say that the therapist will start next week, to help me learn techniques to help correct these issues.  You should see if your health plan covers it.... especially if you have already resorted to smacking.  I too have smacked, but I do not like to, I know there is a way we can parent successfully without hitting.  Shoot, if Supernanny can do it, so can I!



 

Crystal - posted on 04/14/2009

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I understand exactly what your going through! My 5 year old son started lying too! Im hoping its just a phase. Its so frustrating! Im trying time outs in the corner. It takes a while for them to know you mean buisness and that lying is an unacceptable behavior but its starting to work. Once she is in time out, dont talk to her. Even if she geys out of her spot just put her back and say nothing! I find it has been helping! I hope things work out! Goodluck!

Jacky - posted on 04/14/2009

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Have you tried a points rewards system? I know it works for my five year old. You take the behavior that you are trying to change, and reward only for good behavior. The key is to reward immediately after the good behavior has been shown. Have her pick a reward that would be enticing for her. We do the movies. Every Sunday at our local theatre there is a "free" movie during the afternoon. Once he earns "x" amount of points, he can cash them in for his reward. You could even chose a number of different rewards each with different point values. It is then up to her to get the rewards that she wants/needs to get the reward that she desires. If she chooses to lie, she won't be rewarded with what she wants. Either way, her good behavior, no matter how small will be rewarded. Just a thought, and it may or may not work, but it might, and it sounds like anything at this point you are willing to try, just to not fight and argue anymore. The other thing is that she may just need more one on one time. I work full-time, and usually that is the reason for both of my boys' bad behavior, but even when I am home for long periods of time with them, sometimes, I get pre-occupied with catching up with things around the house, and neglect to take the time out for them. Anytime you need to vent, shoot me an email. I usually have it up all day jnkreis@yahoo.com Hope this helps you! ttyl Jacky

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