other people's kids and other parent

Jaime - posted on 08/06/2009 ( 22 moms have responded )

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I just need to vent for a minute... I understand that there are different parenting techniques, different families have different values, and different children behave differently and learn at different speeds. I also understand that kids are just kids and are not perfect. What I do not understand is why, when we have been at the park, museum and pool this summer, why it seems like children do not have or do not use what I thought were basic mannersand social skill and why it seems like parents are not supervising their children. How am I supposed to teach my 2 year old to, for example, take turns and not slide into smaller children at the bottom of the slide (and he actually is understanding this concept) when he is constantly being run into by larger kids or cut in front of when he is waiting his turn. And where are the parents of these children? Some are even encouraging their children into pushing past him and cutting in line. He gets so confused! And what about the children that are just plain mean and rude when my son simply goes up and introduces himself? Yelling at him to go away when all he has done is say hi? Sometimes the parents are sitting right there and completely ignore their child's behavior. Other times the parents are nowhere to be seen. I am not talking about older kids... I am talking about 3, 4 and 5 year olds.

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Emma - posted on 08/10/2009

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We're having this problem on our estate at the moment. There are a few of us that will recognise when our children are in the wrong or misbehaving and punish them appropriately and fairly. But there are those that refuse to see that their children are not little angels like they think. We have a young lad that has a habbit of hitting, swearing and generally being a menace to the younger children but his mother fails to do anything about it. My son most certainly isn't a little angel but I will try my hardest to correct any bad behaviour and he will be brought up with manners. Manners cost nothing as they say!!!

Betty - posted on 08/09/2009

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When kids do this I walk right up to them and ask them who their parents are and tell them to deal with their son or keep him away from my child. I don't care if they get mad at me because I don't want to be friends with them anyway but most of the time they tell me sorry and correct their child. Some even thank me. I would want to know if my child pushed down a baby while I wasn't looking.

Brittany - posted on 08/09/2009

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I completely understand where you are coming from. A lot of parent's these days either don't care or are just to lazy to teach their kids manners or respect for others. The kids are the ones controlling the situations. A 2 year old needs boundaries and limits and a lot of the parents these days just don't care. You are doing a great job teaching your child to wait their turn and to be respectful to others. I wish there were more people out there that would do the same.

Stevie - posted on 08/08/2009

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Quoting Marta:

That's why I wait to take the kids to the park until my hubby gets home. We have a 3 month old daughter who often decides to wake up and feed when we're out and about so I don't want to risk having to let my boys (aged 3 and 2) "fend for themselves". I'm always up for chatting with the other moms but I do so while playing with my kids. A mom got very argumentative with me when one of her kids came up to her and tattled that my son had pushed him; what he failed to mention was that he was the first to push and this boy must have been close to 6 yrs. I had no problems getting up in her face and telling her what's what; she was so shocked to hear that her little angel pushed a little toddler simply because he didn't want to wait his turn. There have been times where I've VERY sternly told other kids what they should and should not do. I've found that a lot of parents have become very lazy and (I don't mean to offend anyone) I personally blame it on waiting until they're in your 30's by then you're pretty set in your ways and well children require a lot of fluidity and energy. It makes my blood boil!



lol i like you haha right now i dont see myself doing that but i know i probably will when my son gets older and that happens nothing wrong with it to  mee haha i think more moms need to be a bit stronger in a subject like this and the "neglectful" parents need to pay more attention to their children

Marta - posted on 08/08/2009

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That's why I wait to take the kids to the park until my hubby gets home. We have a 3 month old daughter who often decides to wake up and feed when we're out and about so I don't want to risk having to let my boys (aged 3 and 2) "fend for themselves". I'm always up for chatting with the other moms but I do so while playing with my kids. A mom got very argumentative with me when one of her kids came up to her and tattled that my son had pushed him; what he failed to mention was that he was the first to push and this boy must have been close to 6 yrs. I had no problems getting up in her face and telling her what's what; she was so shocked to hear that her little angel pushed a little toddler simply because he didn't want to wait his turn. There have been times where I've VERY sternly told other kids what they should and should not do. I've found that a lot of parents have become very lazy and (I don't mean to offend anyone) I personally blame it on waiting until they're in your 30's by then you're pretty set in your ways and well children require a lot of fluidity and energy. It makes my blood boil!

Tabitha - posted on 08/08/2009

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I know what you mean...If I see a child acting up, or cutting in line in front of my child I just nicely tell them what they are doing and why it was wrong. I would never yell or dicipline another child, but I do say something. If their parent isnt there to say something, and you're a responsible adult, I would def say something.

Stevie - posted on 08/08/2009

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oh i know how you feel the first time we took our son to the public pool we were in the baby pool my son is just about 9 months and i think he was 7 months then or somewhere around there and we were there when the pool said 10min break and a few of the older kids quite a bit older than 3 probably youngest maybe 6 or something and they came to the baby pool and the parents were around and did tell their kids {kinda} not to splash so much there is a baby in the pool {go figure lady its a baby pool not a kids pool} and the kids just about hit my son i couldnt believe it and all she did was say dont splash and then she yelled at them and made them go over to her and she just said sit here for a min and then when they got back out to play again before break was over they just went back to splashing and then we got into the big pool just so he could experiance it and there were kids throwing basket balls and splashing and there was like no parents around...the second time was much better though the big kids didnt go in the baby pool when break was called but still there was no parents anywhere to be found i dont understand why parents act different when school is out than when it is ...

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We have struggled with the same issues, and the only advice I can give is to stick you your guns, and use the "bad examples" to your advantage. We have spoken to kids and parents alike, and sometimes it's like talking to a wall, but it doesn't stop us. We do this to our own friends' kids who misbehave when we are together. Just don't forget to remind your child every time how proud you are of him and how big he is, and he will know which kind of attention he wants.

Lisa - posted on 08/08/2009

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I hear you on this one. And another thind I hate is when parents let their kids play outside without supervision. Especially on the front sidewalk where they could go out in the road or get kidnapped. I once was on my way to work at 11pm and say some little boy... about 3yrs... riding his tryke. There was no adult anywhere to be seen!. I went to work and called the police. I just can't stand some people.

Jamie - posted on 08/07/2009

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I see it, parents not parenting thier kids, I have no problem bitching the parent out and telling them to control thier child. But thats just my personality. I also have no problem correcting another child if a parent wont do it.

Jen - posted on 08/07/2009

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Believe me I know what you mean. I work with 3-5 year olds in the mornings and some of these kids behave horribly. The sad thing is that most of the time it's not their fault. It's the parents who haven't taught them to behave properly. My daughter has been saying please since she was 13-14 months old and thank you since she was 17 months and she's only 20 months old. We've only been to a few public settings and haven't had a problem yet, but I dread the day an older child comes and pushes her over for no reason. I hate to see how I react because I have little patience for parents who sit on their butts and watch their children misbehave. I think a lot of it has to do with poor discipline. Since everyone is starting to move away from spanking and more towards time out I don't think people perform time outs properly and so their kids think it's ok to get away with everything. My daughter is at the age where she's testing her limits and she's quickly learning that mommy and daddy aren't going to let her get away with it. She's sits in time out and then does what she was asked to do or goes right back to time out. My husband always teases and says that there should be an IQ test for being a parent because most of it is just common sense.

Jaime - posted on 08/07/2009

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It is so nice to hear everyone's comments! Thank you!. It is nice to know I am not alone on this. It's tough because correcting other children's behavior is soo taboo anymore. Jeanine mentioned that it is worriesome because you don't know how bad it iwll be in school when you aren't there to protect them... Unfortunately I do know because I work in a school and have to deal with many such problems as they arise. Keep involved in your kids' lives!

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I used to stand up close to the climbing equipment, but I found that my kids would end up being too busy making sure I saw every little thing they did so I started sitting on the closest bench.



My older son is extremely shy so if I am too close he won't reach out to other kids socially.



I make sure I am within ear and diving reach if the need should arise. I've always been the mothering type when other kids are around though. My kids already know how to use their manners and know how to be safe when playing. At one place I lived there was a ditch at the end of my driveway and older kids would constantly ride their bikes in it to jump it like a ramp, only problem is that they would land of the road with no safety gear on. I continuously told the kids that if they jumped in that spot I would take their bike away and they would have to get mom and/or dad to get it back.

It only took one kid to try it, I walked over to him and took his bike away and told him sternly to get his parents. He ran away crying (he was like 10 at the time!) his mother was furious until I told her that I am simply keep the kids all safe and I gladly gave her his bike back. She thanked me kindly and all the way back to their house I could hear her yelling at him to never do something so stupid ever again (she knew about kids jumping the ditch but because she lived around the corner she had very little idea that he was doing it as well) From then on while I lived there only the kids who didn't live in the neighbourhood would jump it since they didn't know the rule. But all the kids would still come to stop by at my place to play or be nice to me when they went to the park next to us!



I think we as a society really need to go back to the day when the community pitched in, you know the days when you could go out to a friends house and everyone kept an eye out for everyone. Not only would manners improve but safety would be as important as it used to be!

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I agree! It seems as though some parents just dont care. They would rather chat on the phone text or ignore their kids all together! This sometimes happens when my son and I (he just turned 2 on Monday) are at the mall in the paly area. He isn't very fast and he is just learnign to climb and be adventurous. I always am "A Hug Away" and watch very closely at him and the other children and their non existant parents. In one instance, a 4-ish year old child was about to launch my them 1 yuear old down the slide, and me being right there, quickly corrected him by say (VERY LOUDLY!) we all take turns and we all have to be patient, so please wait for your turn. THAT got the moms attention! :) I will say things like that in a very sweet motherly voice, but very loudly so everyone can hear and if I am EVER confronted (which has yet to happen) I know that everyone heard exactly what I said and that I was being icky sweet about the way I put "Being Polite". I do recall a very dear friend of mine was at the mall playing with her boys and another kid (whos mother could've cared less of course) had a play gun... not a good combo.... actually POINTED it at her youngest, he was 2 at the time, and let me tell ya that gun went flying across the play area!!! ROFL She launched it away from her sons face and it dissapeared, then she very sternly told the boy NO that is not nice, and walked over tot he mother who was STILL not paying attention even after that, and scolded her like a child about her sons behavior and how terrible of an idea it was to allow a toddler to bring a fake gun to a public area with other kids! hehehehe I LOVE that girl, and I would've done the same thing, but I wouldn't have been very nice to either of them! You have to stand up for your kids now these days, and it sucks, but if my kid is about to be hurt because of some ignorant "Mom" can't discipline her kids and they act like wild animals, then everyone is ganna know it! And they can go somewhere else, like the dang zoo! *WHEW* sorry I can get a lil fiesty when talking about this subject! :)

Kylie - posted on 08/06/2009

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When i take my kids to the park i always get involved and keep a close eye, some mothers let their kids go play and sit down and chat and drink coffee and let their kids run free and yeah, they are normally the older or overweight mums. I have no problem telling other peoples kids to take turns, stop running up the slide etc. Kids like it when you get involved, i always get other peoples children talking to me and saying watch me watch me. I think the most important thing i can teach my kids is to be kind and courteous and use manners where appropriate, i get surprised by how often people say oh you daughter has lovely manners! i don't think shes over polite she know please, thank you, excuse me and sorry ..all children should know when and how to use these..people with manners go along way in society.

Deidre - posted on 08/06/2009

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Yes, I at times feel like I am watching other children (and I dont know who their parents are) when we go to play places. My daughter is 14mo and LOVES people so she is ALWAYS going and trying to be around the older children (over two). One thing I do though is remove her from whatever situation that may become a problem before a problem actually occurs. She usually goes right back over to the kids playing too rough though.

I also try to let her go by herself at times though. I always know where she is, I'm always watching (it's usually no more than 5ft away from me, but that is a huge distance at these play places, I can't always keep her from getting hurt). I want her to be able to learn to do things herself, without always relying on me and she loves the freedom. I do my best to be within 1ft from her though if she goes up to another kid and seems interested, so that I can intercept if she gets too excited and 'hits' them (she flails her arms when she gets excited or wants something). So, I can understand moms that let their kids go on their own but what drives me crazy is when a child outright hurts another kid and the parent is NOWHERE to be found. At least if my daughter accidentally hurts a kid I am RIGHT there to tell her it wasn't nice and to apologize to the other child, no matter what the age. And I take her away from the person she hit.

I'm sorry that some kids have told him to go away when your son is trying to be friendly :( That is really sad and would uber upset me. I would try to tell my child though that there are other kids to play with and 'lets go over here'. Distraction is key and I try to do it all the time (I know my daughter is a year younger but hopefully that will work with your son as well).

Cindy - posted on 08/06/2009

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yes thats true Jeanine! and it usually is the older parents...i had my 1st at 22..2nd at 24 and just had my last at 25..and my children are very well dressed..polite, considerate children. Maybe it has to do with the energy that young parents can exude when playing with their kids. age has nothing to do with whether or not your children have good/bad manners...inevitably they learn from their role models - their parents..and some play centre mums lol are not setting a good example when a child needs it most..in the first 5 years

Jeanine - posted on 08/06/2009

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I agree totally with you all .. I wonder sometimes ..? I know iam a young mom and people think i would be the one doing this but i find its mostly NOT all but most of the older parents that just let their child behave the way they want . I try to teach my child to share, take turns, play nice etc . Generally have good manners....But other children and their parents dont seem to follow that same ..idea.. They dont think anything is wrong when their child is bring mean, pushing , and not being nice to other kids ... It really upsets me and makes me worry so much more now that my child is starting school ... what is going to be like when im not there . Its frightening sometimes because you just dont know how bad it COULD get when your NOT there you know . .

Cindy - posted on 08/06/2009

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Jaime..we have the same problem lol..i have 3 kids now and i find that alot of parents in our area dont pay to much attention whilst at parks etc..they usually go with their mummy friends and chat and leave their kids to fend for themselves.

Its worse at those indoor play centres...which i no longer go to because i think its unfair that you go their to have fun with your kids...and you end up spending the whole time looking after sometimes even telling others kids off because their parents are too involved with their coffees!!



Park time for our family is a fun time for ALL of us...not just a place to let the kids run around while we relax.

Jaime - posted on 08/06/2009

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That's exactly what I do! I feel like I am the only one at times. Especially when I go with a group and my child is asking me to play with him and I am the only one not sitting on the benches. Then I end up feeling like I am doing something wrong, like being over protective, by playing with, supporting and teaching my child.

Lyndsay - posted on 08/06/2009

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I completely agree! I see this all the time. My 2 year old can climb up the monkey bars to get on the play structure, but I still stand there behind him just in case he slips. Other parents sit on the bench, chatting away amongst eachother, not even bothering to watch where their kids are going or what they're doing.

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