paying grandma to watch grandkids

Karin - posted on 11/04/2011 ( 52 moms have responded )

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I was baffled by some of the responses to paying Gran to watch the grand kids. i think there is a big difference between caring for a child full time 5 days a week from 7-7pm and babysitting for short term occasions. I think from some of the people who left messages here that it should be done for free and out of love is taking a lot for granted. It's not just babysitting!! The grandmother caretaker is not only responsible for changing diapers and feeding, she is a person who will help shape this little child's life. It's a human life; not slinging hamburgers at McDonald's, which would pay more according to what some of you believe is fair pay. I would take this job very seriously.

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Brenda - posted on 11/13/2012

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I pay my mom for watching my kids Mon-Fri 40 hrs a week. I even pay her if I'm on vacation. If I get a paid one so does she. I see it as more of helping out and the money I give them seems like it goes back to the kids. They take them to weekly trips in the summer like the zoo, water park, and six flags. My parents won't even hesitate to keep them on the weekends and I don't pay them then. I think the ones that don't pay granparents who take care of them full time are taking advantage of their generosity. My parents are in the retirement stage and I am sure they would love to be out and about doing their own thing but they choose to stay with their grandkids. So to me I have no issue paying them. It's half of what I would be paying at a daycare and my children love it.

Mil - posted on 11/06/2012

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This totally depends on the situation. I was on my job for 21 years, and had heart failure, and had to take early retirement; not because I was ready to retire, but because my heart now only functions at 30%. My daughter and her husband had a daughter in 2009. She lost her job in 2010, but decided to go back to school the past August. In the meantime, she they had a son in 2010. When she went back to school (full time), they asked if I would take care of the kids, and they would pay me a little something since I only get disability.



Hate to be long winded, but trying to show that it depends on the situation. Now, for a year and a half straight, they drove my car so the husband could have a way back and forth to work. Initially, he was using it until he got his car repaired. I happened to have my son take me by their house one day, and it hit me, his car was no where in sight; mine sat in the driveway with NO bumper. We're talking about a 2008 PT cruiser. Gave him one week to buy a bumper and have it put back on car. Things were good for another few month. Finally took it back after year and half because went to get some papers out one day and he had been hauling lawn mowers, tools, crushed the bottom up into the right rear door where it wouldn't open. In this time, they somehow put about 20,000 miles on it and never had the oil changed, tune up, NOTHING! Also found out car had been running hot, so now it is on my to have it put in the shop to find out why it's running hot, air not working, etc.



Now, they have their car, I am riding around with my son, since my only income is disability, I have a car payment, house payment, utilities, groceries, etc. They will pass my house to go to the grocery store, out to eat, and post pictures on Facebook, but will not once ask, Mom, do you need anything from the store, or Mom, do you want us to bring you something to eat......



Trying to keep it short, so I will give you the final kicker. With him working at a temp service, about one month ago, they were approved for $500.00 month food stamps. Daughter said she would let me get $30 or $40 worth of food since I keep the kids. Well, they went to the grocery store, of course they put a picture on Facebook showing them grocery shopping, and I haven't even received a slice of bread. Then this morning at 6:30 a.m., the kids are dropped off, no one bothered to tell me they were sick. So I have a 2 year old and a 1 year that have thrown up on my couch, pillows, bed, floors all day. I've used every towel in the house, and it's only 2:3o p,m.



With all the grocery shopping, they brought food for the kids today.................ramen noodles! Oh, and my hours are from 6:30 a.m. - somewhere from 5:30 - 7:00 p.m.



And I shouldn't be paid?????????????????????????????? Wow!

Karin - posted on 11/04/2011

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i still don't get the attitude that day care is worth spending a big chunk of money and gran's day care is worth a lot less? You would rather pay a stranger more money than the grandparent??? Personally i think it's just the opposite. One on one attention all day long?! What would a nanny in your home cost? i don't even know. I'm not saying gran would accept that much money, but come on, i would offer. LOVE rules.

Shannon - posted on 11/10/2012

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I'm always shocked and annoyed by how many parents use and abuse their children's grandparents for childcare. I believe that it is a generational trend unfortunately. I'm ashamed to say that it is becoming more and more apparent to me that my generation just expects everything. First off, I would never in a million years allow my parents to watch my girls on a regular basis without compensating them. If they were to refuse payment, we would certainly show them our appreciation in another form. For example: sending them on a fun vacation, buying them a want that they wouldn't buy for themselves ordinarily, or pitching in on cleaning their home, doing their landscaping, etc. Simple demonstrations of thoughtfulness like this, in order to remind the grandparents that we are so very thankful to them.

I could not live my life receiving anything without giving back. My parents and my in-laws love and support through the years is more than enough for me. But then again, those are just the principles that my husband and I find to be acceptable.

I understand that certain families fall on hard times, even when they've done everything right. For those families, I have the utmost respect and compassion for. Unfortunately, there are also parents out there that are using this recession as a crutch. I agree with some of the previous posters regarding the lack of preparation and poor decision making by some parents.

Denikka - posted on 11/04/2011

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I absolutely think that if gran is a regular care giver, then she should be paid.
If it's a rare thing, or more specifically if gran is ASKING to watch the kid/s, then not so much. But 3 days a week, every week, any kind of regular schedule, then gran absolutely needs to be getting compensated. Maybe not QUITE as much as a regular daycare, but a reasonable amount.

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Shannon - posted on 11/13/2012

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So...why then did you feel the need to delete your original post? I was simply taking the side of your child's grandparents. Perhaps you don't see things the way I do, but your post sounded very rude and ungrateful. You started out by pointing out that your MIL begged for a grandchild, but now she's greedy for wanting to be payed for services! Well, my MIL begged for grandchildren from the minute that my husband and I began dating at the age of 17. I am so thankful to her each and every time she babysits my kids, but she only watches them IF she wants to, which doesn't interfere with her job....or if I have a doctors appointment that isn't kid friendly. Personally, if she were to ever watch my girls routinely or full timne, I would absolutely pay her! And if she didn't accept my pay, I would be sending her on a 1st class trip! My husband and I are 29 and we have 2 little girls, by the way. Neither one of us were born with silver spoons in our mouths. I have watched my husband work 70 hour/week jobs, traveling 4 days a week for years, just to put food on the table. During the times when it wasn't economical for me to stay home, I worked any and all types of jobs that I could to add income. I'm not exactly sure what you and your husband do for a living, but I made roughly $35,000/year as a nanny and my sister makes $25,000/year as a preschool teacher. Both of us were able to bring our kids to our jobs. I'm only adding this info to our discussion because you brought up your finances. I know how tough it is to find a good job. Heck, my husband has worked 3 different jobs during the last 4 years, just trying to climb the ladder. Before job #3, he was turned down by no less than 4-5 companies, after making it to the second interview. Its a tough world we're living in and I'm sorry if I seemed brutal, but I just get frustrated with families who spend more time complaining about their life situation, then they do trying to move up in this world. By the way, I have conceived twice on birth control, once with the morning after pill, so I know all about life's little surprises!!

Shannon - posted on 11/13/2012

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Amanda-I don't mean to necessarily insult you, but your financial troubles are really not your MIL's problem. She and her husband have the right to use their money however they choose. You DO sound greedy when you talk about how much money they have vs. how much income you and your husband acquire. I'm sure that they've been working for decades to get to the point where they are financially stable. This doesn't excuse you feeling entitled to free childcare. You are a prime example of what I was addressing regarding our generation feeling entitled. You chose to have a child and that child is your responsibility...not your MIL's! When are people in our generation going to wake up and do better?

Shannon - posted on 11/13/2012

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Amanda-I don't mean to necessarily insult you, but your financial troubles are really not your MIL's problem. She and her husband have the right to use their money however they choose. You DO sound greedy when you talk about how much money they have vs. how much income you and your husband acquire. I'm sure that they've been working for decades to get to the point where they are financially stable. This doesn't excuse you feeling entitled to free childcare. You are a prime example of what I was addressing regarding our generation feeling entitled. You chose to have a child and that child is your responsibility...not your MIL's! When are people in our generation going to wake up and do better?

Lakeshia - posted on 11/11/2012

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I have a part time job so my mom can watch my son between 1 to 5 days a wk. I can't afford to pay her bcz I'm a single mom but I do supply her with good. And I supply him with his own good and drink. If I can help her any other way I can.

Janessa - posted on 11/10/2012

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I just have to post one thing. I know I personally would never ask family to pay me for watching their kids, but if you are asking a Grandmother to watch your children consider some things. I say this because of a situation that is close to home for me. Is the grandmother unable to work because she is watching your children, and if so is that a problem, is her husband able to make enough money to support them, or would it help to have the extra money. Is the grandmother failing in health, even if she is not, remember that she is older and it is a lot harder to watch children now than when she was younger. I for one would never just assume that my mom or my mother-in-law should watch my kids for free, I would at least try to repay the favor in some way. Anyways, just some thoughts. Good-luck

Holly - posted on 11/09/2012

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MIL This is terrible to read. You should be paid and they should be leaving food... and they should pay to fix your car. What a terrific grandma you are. I hope they appreciate you in some way. hugs!

Holly - posted on 11/09/2012

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My mother babysits and what I'd consider nannying (word?) for several of her grand kids. When I want to go to a movie or something little my mum does it for free. We're talking less than 4 hours unless she wants them to spend the night. Sometimes we'll bring her dessert or something as "payment" but if we tried to pay her like a teenage babysitter I'd insult her.



Now when she watches the grand kids in like a nanny situation instead of a job they pay her. They pay her less than a daycare would get but that was all up to her and she's happy to watch her grand kids over having a job. So it's awesome if your parents can afford to watch your children for free but I think if you know your parents can't afford it than you should pay them. There is a difference between taking someone's generosity and taking advantage of someone. If you can afford to pay someone you should especially if they need or could use the money.

Gina - posted on 07/31/2012

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Finally, someone with good sense. The greedy hateful attitude of some posters who obviously think a grandparent is some lower form of life needs to wake up and move into the real world. I quit work six years ago to keep my new g-daughter in order to keep her out of a daycare situation. I never asked to be paid. My problem is my daughter in law is the most ungrateful and greedy person you could imagine. I not only keep my precious g-daughter but I also buy most of her clothing. I provide her food and about $70 in gas each month to take her to school and pick her up. During the rest of the year I provide her transportation to my home and all other activities. I am not complaining about any of that but it sure would be nice to get a simple thank you from my son and his hateful wife. They both make a great deal of money, live in a new 3000sf home and drive the best automobiles. She has invited me to lunch in these 6 years only twice and then when the tab came, she sat there until I picked it up. This is the kind of love only a grandparent could have to put up with a nasty spoiled person who learned early how to ride a free horse to death. My son did try to do a bit better and would offer to take us to dinner but the looks she gave him said it all. When her out of town mother comes the red carpet is rolled out and she can open her purse and wine and dine her. I have even had to go and help her clean her ever filthy house because a clean house means nothing to her. It gets so bad at times even she can't stand it anymore. Why buy a beautiful new home and turn it into a pig pen? All these things I do for my g-child and I know she loves me very much. My husband recently had surgery and they did not offer to help us with anything, even though my husband is always the first to help them with anything. I guess I am just trying to blow off some steam and boy, how I am fighting hating my own daughter in law! My poor sweet g-daughter will be ashamed to invite friends over when she is older due to the filthy home she lives in.

Katie - posted on 04/30/2012

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I think it's so ridiculios for people to think grandparents that are paid to keep their grandkids are less of grandparents and think it's a shame.

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If the grandparents are babysitting the kids full time, then i think they should be compensated. Watching children on a On and Off situation is different. When they get the kids on a weekend for example i do not think they would expect to be compensated. However if their over at their house full time everyday all week, you definitely should

Marcela - posted on 04/29/2012

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I think it's offensive to think that grandparents don't have a life other than caring for grandkids and not compensate them for babysitting on a regular basis. I do agree that family should help each other out, but if you would pay so much money for child care anyway, why not pay some to your parents who not only care for your children, but love them so much? Obviously we wouldn't pay them as much as child care, but at least a stable amount every week. I think it's a win, win, win situation. Granparents can earn some extra cash, parents can feel better about where their children are and they save money, and kids are being cared for by family. Since when is it our parents responsibility to raise our kids for us? They already had us, raised us, and did their job. Now it's our turn. And since we have to work, at least we should compensate them to care for our kids. Of course, if it's a once in a while thing, like date night, I'm sure most grandparents would do it for free (as they should). But both sides have to be loving and considerate.

Jamie - posted on 12/20/2011

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I think every family is different. If Grandma is financially very comfortable and doesn't want to be paid, I don't see anything wrong with that-

Even if Grandma doesn't want to be paid for watching her Grandchild, but the extra income could help her, I think it definitely is a great idea. Especially if it is her full-time job!

If I had to find a full-time caregiver for my child (or even a babysitter) I would way rather pay top dollar for a family member that I know cares about my children, than paying that amount for a stranger.

Ashley - posted on 12/20/2011

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My mom watches my niece and nephew 5 days a week, while there parents were working. Where they are my brother can apply for a government grant that gives money for family members watching the kids. it doesnt pay much but mom suggested it as it costs more to drive the 30 minutes to my brothers house to watch them. Its just to compensate for her travel expenses. I dont think shes making an unresonable request especially with it being her duty to take my nephew to and from school, plus clean house, plus pick up the little essentials that they might need. Now when she has them on the weekends, she would never ask for anything. Personally, I feel if grandmas watching the kids all the time, then yes one should offer to pay her, whether she accepts or not. If she doesnt, maybe set that money aside and purchase a gift, ie a holiday down the road to show your appreciation. I feel bad asking my mother in law to watch my daughter even occasionally, which i know isnt a problem, I would never expect her or my own mother to watch my child full time. I feel its too much of a burden for them. They raised theyre children I dont feel they need to raise mine. Now of course these are my feelings and opinions and everyone is different!

Nicole - posted on 12/15/2011

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if she is a certified care taker- if its what she does for a living then of couse she should be paid. i have a friend who sends her daughter to her mother in law while she worker he MIL is a certified family day care provider and cares for other children aswell. i pay my best friend to look after my son as thats what she does for a living

Jennifer - posted on 12/15/2011

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My mother charges my sisters and I to watch our children. I don't find this a problem at all. She is a certified caretaker- takes CPR classes and is well trained in case of an emergency. I don't find it odd to pay my mother for taking care of my child. Even-though, we think they would offer out of the kindness of their heart. We parents, should realize that its not cheap to raise children or easy. And, we shouldn't expect other people to take care of our children at no cost. I feel, that my mother, did not have my daughter or my two sister's children. So it's not her responsibility for her to watch my child for free while I go to work daily. When you are paying someone as it's a job, they are not going to cancel on you unexpectedly, they aren't likely to go on long vacations, they will take it more seriously than just my parent doing me a favor. I would rather pay my mother who has help raised my daughter for the last 5 years, than pay a stranger. And honestly, when my daughter grows up, She needs to realize that her children are not my children, they are her responsibility. I will take care of my grandchildren on special occasions, but I refused to be used as free babysitting. I'm going to live my life.

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I think it can go both ways and you would have to get a understanding with the grandmother. If I was working and had a good income and could take care of my son, pay the bills, and take care of myself and still have money to save n spend I would pay my mother to keep my son. I was debating on the same situation too because I'm in school and my mother is going to keep my son everyday while I'm in school. But I have no income and she still is expecting me to pay her when I get refund checks from school. I feel like I shouldn't have to give her anything or pay her. I was looking for a part time job and even with a part time job I dont think I should have to give her anything because the little bit of money I get from that will be going to doing for my son and I. Just talk to her and express your feelings to her and if she believes you still should pay her then you either pay her or find another babysitter.

Ashley - posted on 12/12/2011

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I have always paid family when I was in need of childcare. I currently pay my mother in law to come to my house and put my son on and off the bus. Granted we have a strained relationship, however, it makes her feel needed and it is better for my son to get to be at home everyday. When I had my sister in law watch him I also paid her, she only took the cash when it was a regular basis thing, when she was keeping him to spend time with him or if we just needed a sitter while we ran to the store she never would take the cash I offered. My mom has also watched him, mostly on weekends, she has never wanted paid, she always refuses, however, she has been offered when it was on a regular basis for work.

Elissa - posted on 12/10/2011

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It's my honest opinion that your child is going to get much more personal care from their grandparent. A daycare isn't going to have the love and best interest for you child in mind as you their grandparent would. I would GLADLY pay my mom or dad to watch my son over a daycare anyday[= Just because better care ( and spoiling [= haha) is given. Though I'm not knocking daycares at all. My mom would never charge me to watch him while I worked. But, I am going out of town for two days next year and she has offered to watch my son for me. I plan on paying her since it is recreation. She would never let me pay more than I could afford, BUT if I had the money, I would pay her much more than I minimum wage job would, because I'm getting top notch care for my baby[=
Thank goodness for gramma and grampa=D

Katie - posted on 12/03/2011

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I work full time as a teacher and when I went back to work my son was 5 months old. It was impossible to get him into a daycare at that age (In Ontario we get are entitled to a 1 year leave and most day cares don't offer spots for infants under 6 months)... my Mother went out of her way to quit her job so that she could take care of him. OF COURSE, I'm going to pay her for doing that. She doesn't ask for much (way less than she was making while she was working) but she has him full time. I would be paying a lot more if I could have gotten him a spot in day care and he LOVES his one on one time with his Grandma, as she does with him. If I need her to watch him on a weekend or for some other reason besides work, she would not accept money. I don't see a problem with paying her. In fact I wouldn't allow her having him 40 hours a week without paying her.

Amanda - posted on 12/03/2011

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both my mom and my mother in law babysat while i was at work and i paid them....theres a difference to pay them while ur at work making $ (then i pay) or just for a night so you can enjoy a nite without kids...than i dont pay.

Janese - posted on 11/18/2011

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Grandparents must be paid!!! Payment can take many forms. The point is to not make them feel like you are taking advantage of their kindness. Remember it is your child!!! If I go on a date, my date usually compensates my mother or grandmother. If I just need me time, I would pay her. They always say "Baby, you don't have to do that," but they appreciate it. You can even fill up their refrigerator, offer to take them to appointments and sit with them. Good Luck!

Angela - posted on 11/17/2011

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I believe it is fair to pay grandmother. My sisters mother in law watches my niece three days a week and they do pay her, I'm not sure of the amount but she left her small part time more of a hobby job to watch after her so I do believe it's fair to help with her income. My other sister watches my niece once a week as well, she is not paid for doing this per say , but she is a college student and my brother in law helps her with any of her needs, oil changes on the car, a book for class as needed, a bag of groceries (the girl is so tiny we all try to fatten her up by buying her groceries all the time) gas money when she's short , things that normal families do but I think this is more helpful than giving her money that she would go to Starbucks and blow. But in short if it is something that granny is doing on a regular scheduled basis than yes she should be paid, and if granny is uncomfortable with it take the paid money and put it in a future nest egg for baby.

Tracey - posted on 11/17/2011

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Hi My Mom and sister have my son 3 days a week wilst I work, I do pay them but its not a load, as my mom Its only to cover he petrol to collect and bring him home at the end of the day as i supply everything, and my sister has the same but as she doen't drive she spends it on my son anyways, Like if she goes to town and buys his dinner out of it or treat and even takes him to a playgroup for the day, They Only get £10 a day, But like i said its still spent on my son or a little help to get them to collect my son :) so I dont mind too much :P

Bethanie - posted on 11/09/2011

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Kacie, if you were paying attention to the rest of my comment, I was living as a single mom on minimum wage and still managed to pay my bills, including an $800 child care bill. I did this by forgoeing unnecessary expenses like going out for the night. I didn't cry about my luck in not being able to find a job that payed the bills. And just so you know, I didn't start off as a single mom, I thought I was going to be in a two income family, so it didn't turn out as planned. I have never received one dime in child support, so don't think that I had that to fall back on. I did, at one time, have to look for another job, as the one I had didn't give me enough hours to pay my bills. I looked for this while still working my current job. What I'M tired of hearing is people complaining about their lives and expecting other people to be the ones to step in and fix their problems for them. As I'm an adult, I expect to be treated as one and would never expect my Mom to be a full time caregiver to my child without giving her anything in return! She has already raised me and loved me, how am I showing her that I appreciate that and return that love by taking advantage of her?

Lacy - posted on 11/07/2011

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my mother refuses to take any money for watching any or all of my children, so are started giving my kids money to say they were going to take grandma out of ice cream or to get a burger as a way of saying thanks for giving my husband and I some one on one time! my mom got a huge kick out of my sons buying her lunch and they enjoy the extra time together? is that wrong of me to do?

Nadia - posted on 11/07/2011

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Definitely if u expect grandparents to be caregivers full time they should be paid. If I ever ask a grandparent to watch mine I expect to pay them as I would a regular sitter, however I think if they ask to watch them once in a while then that is fine and no pay is necessary. Sad thing in our family is one set of grandparents wants 40-50 dollars each time they offer to take mine, plus gas money. Needless to say they don't go there often, as they drive 8 hours to see one grandchild for free and don't even stop when we r only 40 mins away. :(

Pamela - posted on 11/07/2011

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Kacie if it's 'that close' most reasonable people wouldn't risk it. And if something catastrophic did happen then the family should probably downgrade some things like housing and when they do have 'extra money' it should be saved for a rainy day or to better the situation instead of being spent on a night out.

People who are truly strapped for cash can't afford to go out, it's just how life is. I'd rather sacrifice my dining out to properly pay the person I expect to essentially 'raise' my kids for most of their waking hours in a week.

But that's just me, I want to ensure quality care for my kids over a fancy meal in my tummy. And while grandma will do the best she can it won't be as good as it would be if she was happy about doing it.

Tanaea - posted on 11/07/2011

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I agree and disagree with the aspect of paying the grandmother to watch the child, I agree only if it is ongoing and scheduled at least to offer, I disagree because if you don't have it to spare and your unable to pay them it will cause a problem in most families, that is why I would rather take my children to day care because I believe family should help out if they are able to. I'n my case it is sad to say but my youngest daughters grandmother is money driven and very vindictive she expects to be paid even when she asks for my daughter, I have no problem with offering or helping out, but when you constantly ask for money and then say I will not watch her if you don't give me money is just wrong. Or if her father or I asks for her to watch our daughter for an hour just to run some errands she wants us to pay and then buy her groceries and then she will turn around and not watch her if we have no one to watch her to go to work which will cause a problem within our jobs again I have no problem with helping but taking advantage of a already bad situation is wrong.I've had bad dealings with family and watching my children, I understand that family should also be paid because they are in need also but when you ask for help because you are in a bind then that's when the love of family should out weigh the money hungry tendencies. Well not everyone can have a happy, helping, loving, family. However I do thank God that my two oldest children their Grandparents from day one have helped me with them and wouldn't think of asking for money though I do offer and help with food, and they will also help with the youngest if need be however, I don't want to burden, but they still ask for her.

Kacie - posted on 11/07/2011

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what about people who can afford a child, then the economy effs up and people get laid off/fired and then they cant afford a family any more!? its not just about "before you start a family", its everything that can happen afterwards. not everyone has a 100% stable job! hell, there is no such thing as a 100% stable job anymore!

Pamela - posted on 11/07/2011

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Kacie that was a bit of a thump comment. I think what Bethanie meant is that people should be more realistic with their budgets. Kids cost a lot of money, I too often wonder why people have kids and then complain about how much they cost. For my family we have a seriously look at our financial future before making the decision to add to that (with a baby or anything else).



If you're unlikely to have a job that pays enough so that you can put that child in daycare then you need to think about that before getting pregnant and decide not to have a baby you can't afford, get a better paying job or look at the possibilities of being a stay at home parent.

Kacie - posted on 11/07/2011

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"I think if your jobs pay so little that, between the two of you, you can't afford daycare, it's time to start looking for some new jobs, or think about one person staying at home"

yes, because good paying jobs are just everywhere and will hire anyone! ::rollseyes:: most of us live in the real world and take what jobs we can get. Not everyone has the luxury to just up and quit their current job and get another one that pays more in an instant. also, not everyone has the luxury to live on just one income (we're lucky we do, but thats besides the point) its just attitudes like the quoted that piss me off. i would NEVER tell someone they should get a better paying job or someone stay home when they are working hard enough at what they do to keep what they have and lucky enough to even HAVE a job when so many people dont and are having a hard time getting a job because the job market is shit right now!!

Bethanie - posted on 11/07/2011

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To be honest, I was just as surprised by all of the responses to paying Grand to watch the grandkids as Karin was. My mom will watch my daughter the occasional night, but I would never think of asking her to provide full time care without offering a REASONABLE amount of payment. I think that the grandmother in question was only asking for $80/week. That's just $16 per day, approximately $320/month. The daycare that I had my daughter in was $800/month, I think that is enough of a break, especially for two working people(I was a single mom at the time that I was paying $800, making just a little over minimum wage). I think if your jobs pay so little that, between the two of you, you can't afford daycare, it's time to start looking for some new jobs, or think about one person staying at home. I find that people don't seem to prioritize their bills, and honestly wouldn't blame anyone for being mad at me if I told them that I couldn't afford to pay one of them, but then turn around and go out for a date night, which probably costs about the same amount that the grandmother was asking for for one full week of daycare. Yes I believe that family should be there for each other, but it works both ways. If your mother has been there for you for your whole life, shouldn't you be there for her too. I don't think that taking advantage of someone in your family is showing that you love them very much!

Jessica - posted on 11/07/2011

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I do not believe that it has anything to do with the quality of care. When we go visit my Mom, we will ask her to watch our daughters for a bit so that we can see a movie with my Brother and his fiance, or something like that. We do not pay her for this. But, my husband and I are both in the army (I'm reserves), and at one point we considered doing a new job training together. We arranged to have our daughters live with my Mom and we would pay my Mom monthly, because we were asking her to stop her job search and be a SAHM (Grandma) like my children were used to. I think that if you are asking a family member to watch your children on a full time/regular basis, then you should at the very least offer to pay them. If a family member has asked if you would pay them to watch your children, then you most definitely should, or find someone else. But my personal opinion is that no family member should be asking you to pay them unless it is on a regular basis, because it then becomes their job. My mom has never asked for money. The only time we discussed it was when she thought they would be living with her and she would be paying for all their food, clothing, toys, activities, everything.

Chrystal - posted on 11/07/2011

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My girls' grandma sits them, 5 days a week while I work, if I had to pay for day care and school drop offs then I couldn't afford to work so I'm extremely grateful to my mum for doing this, and yes, I pay her. Unfortunately not as much as I'd like to, but I pay her a set amount and then whatever else on top I can afford. I'd be lost if she didn't mind my girls.

Tinker1987 - posted on 11/06/2011

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When my 11 month old goes to my parents house,one day a week i do not pay them,that is their thing to do they enjoy that day a week to spend time with their grandson...if i were to get my mom to watch my son a few days a week while i went to work, i would most definetly pay her,she may not accept but i would feel id have too,she lives 15km out of town so she would be travelling to my place so i would at the least chip for gas!

[deleted account]

I agree with Kelina, it really depends on the situation. If my mum & dad were to watch her on a regular basis, we would not pay them. Reason being, they don't need financial compensation and my dad is home all day anyways. We would help them with things around the house and they would appreciate that sort of thing. Same thing with FIL, they're financially doing ok and they're home all day.

If grandma was needing financial help and giving up other work, then yes we would pay her. It's one thing if gma lives with you and you're paying for her to have a room, utilites, food etc, but to work FT and suffer because she can't afford her bills it's not fair.

My great gma has raised her great grand children and the mother pays rent, bills and food. Covers all needs of gma and children. Even though gma doesn't get 'paid', the premise is the same, her needs are being taken care of.

Christina - posted on 11/06/2011

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this is how i see it. if you need a sitter, you pay them, so why just because if they are family is it different?
i will always pay my mom to whatch my child, somedays she says dont worry about it, and i apperict it, but i always have the money ready. it is her time she is giving up to whatch my child for me. i know she loves being with her grandchild so she has no problems with it, but i always make sure she is paid and if she refuses i take her shopping or out for dinner to thank her for it.

Jodi - posted on 11/06/2011

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"a grandma who takes money for looking after their grandchild is wrong."

Well, I think anyone who uses their mother as a daycare service for their child and expects it should be free is wrong :)

Note the word "daycare". Quite different to occasional care.

Kelina - posted on 11/05/2011

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I think it depends on the family and the situation. In my family, We actually had both sides-my mom would never have asked anyone to watch me without paying them, and probably would have exoected to be paid to watch her neices and nephews. However, when I had to watch my niece and nephew for several weeks, i didn't expect to be paid. That was my sister, they are my family and I love them. I probably wouldn't have said no if she wanted to pay me but i also never would have asked. However I also knew my sister didn't have the money to spare. Her hubby was in hospital for something they couldn't find and she couldn't afford to take time off work. If you can afford to pay grandma why wouldn't you? Wouldn't you at least offer? At the very least for food? So why wouldn't you expect that? Especially if they qualify for subsidy. then it's technically not you paying it's the government and family members are usually better about taking that money. But I'm rambling. If you're expected to rework your whole schedule for the week, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask to be paid, even if it's just $10 - $20 a day. But really what it boils down to is how would you feel about taking money from a family member? Especially if you knew they didn't have it?

Nicola - posted on 11/05/2011

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honestly a grandma who takes money for looking after their grandchild is wrong. My mum worked full time and i went to my grans everyday and she never took any money for it that what family does they help out and my mum occasionally looks after my daughter but never would she take any money from me

Pamela - posted on 11/05/2011

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I think anyone who watches my child on a regular full time bases should be paid for that.

I can see why you'd expect to pay a daycare more though. 1) Grandma should want to be around her grand kids, she has biological ties and drive to take care of them. She is family and usually if family does something for you they will do it for less. (This is all assuming gran doesn't actually run a full on daycare, if she does then you should pay the full rate as you are taking up a spot she could be making full pay with)

2) Daycare workers spend YEARS and $1000's ($10,000 where I live) getting an education that allows them to provide more than just a home atmosphere which helps prepare young ones for school. Everything from following the rules, taking instruction from adults who aren't family memebers, building that comfort of being around other adults, learning child to adult and peer to peer social skills...etc.

Gran should get paid but there is a bit of a difference between babysitting and daycare. If she has an actual daycare then she should get paid what a daycare gets paid.

For date nights (which is all we ask of grandparents) they gladly do that for free. They love spending time with the kids.

Jodi - posted on 11/04/2011

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Well, I think we should pay them. Hate to say it, but if my kids want me to become daycare to my grandkids when the time comes (which probably isn't so far away now that our oldest is 19). then I would have to forego other work to do so. We have our retirement to save for too. Many grandparents are not *old* and retired, they are still young enough to earn money and save for retirement. I certainly don't think it is our *right* to expect grandparents to do it for free. At the very least, it should be offered.

Marli - posted on 11/04/2011

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I feel that even though having a child being watched by a family member in a loving caring environment is great for the kids. It builts a relationship between them. On the other hand, I preffer child care, because they are being taken care of by a profesional that is trained in CPR, nutrition and will keep a daily schedule, including educating them and keeping track of their development. But if the grandma will take care of them she should get paid something. Specially if she is including food and other things.

Karin - posted on 11/04/2011

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i suppose maybe i was wrong to think getting paid for 60 hours a week was acceptable. Something didn't feel right about it. But the commitment is huge and it means giving up all my freedom during the work week. So i guess i need to think about it a bit more. Thanks for all of your input.

Medic - posted on 11/04/2011

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I personally do not think family should charge eachother. I had my niece almost 24/7 from the time she was a few months till she was almost three and I would never have charged. My parents watch both my kids whenever I need them too, ie: work or school, and ask to have them also. They would never let me pay them. My grandparents watched us on a regular basis and never accepted a dime from my parents.

Kacie - posted on 11/04/2011

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I second what September said! neither of mine or my husbands family wouldnt ever think of us to pay them to watch our son for any length of time! and if we offered, they would laugh and roll their eyes

September - posted on 11/04/2011

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Our son's Grandmother's would never expect us to pay them to babysit our son. Heck they are always asking to babysit so they can spend time with him. Now if it was more of a day care type situation, then yes I would insist on paying them. Personally I don't think family members should charge each other at all. I'm babysitting my niece tonight and I don't expect a dime! I just look forward to being able to spend some time with her.

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