Please help me! This is really stressing me out.

Aubree - posted on 08/11/2009 ( 13 moms have responded )

205

33

15

Ok my husband and I are in our 20's and our first house isn't the greatest so we are going to move out in October. That isn't the problem, my mother-in-law is a foster parent and she has lived in her house for six years now and she's about to pay the house off in seven more. She is going to give the house to us, which is great BUT.... she just called us yesterday and informed us that she was going to stop being a foster parent because she was fed up with the teenage boys she has. I can see where she's coming from its very hard to be a foster parent, they have stolen from her (and me), ran away, treated her badly ect. The only thing is she can't afford her mortgage without her being a foster parent. So she also asked us since we are going to move out anyway if we wanted to live with her until she found an apartment, then the house would be ours.

Now I love my mother-in-law but we don't see eye to eye on many things. She treats me like a child, she takes advantage of my husband, I set rules and guidelines for my daughter and she doesn't follow them. There are many other things but I wont go into that but trust me, us living together would not be a good thing. We have before, when I was in the first couple of months of my pregnancy and it was terrible.

I don't know if we should move in with her or not because she's saying that she's going to move out but I know her, she'll never leave! She's not the only one living in the house, she also has her sister with her who has said would be moving out as well, which I believe because she already wants to move, she also asked if her niece would like to move in with all of us!! So that would be FIVE adults and ONE baby in a two bedroom home! My mother in law is staying in her living room which she turned into now bedroom, her sister would be staying in the basement, we would be staying in the master bedroom and her niece would be in the room down the hall. Which would leave no room for my daughter which I do not like. My mother-in-law suggested that we'd have to let her sleep in our room but I am not doing that. I happen to like being in my own room with my husband doing things that husbands and wives do and that would all go to crap if our baby was in our room. She wouldn't be able to sleep,she has to have complete silence and darkness to be comfortable.

I just don't see how this is going to work, we can't all live together. They would all be working and I would have to be the one to clean up after everyone else,cook dinner etc. which Im not doing. My job is to take care of my baby and husband not everyone else. I know my husbands cousin and aunt would move out after about a month ( actually I'm best friends with his cousin so it wouldn't bother me if I lived with her) but his mother just wants him to pay the bills and expenses because she doesn't want to do it anymore. She uses him for money all the time and makes him feel horrible if he doesn't.

Soo I know your just saying why don't you just not move in?! Well if we don't she'll lose the house and then we wont get it. That house is great and my husband really wants it, he knows how sucky his mom is and she doesn't care if we get the house or not. She would let the house get taken and not think twice about it.

I don't know what to do this is killing me because I can't stand the thought of living with that women who would never leave, never get a job and leech off of Brandon (my husband). He doesn't want to live there either because he and his mother don't have the best relationship (because of the horrible things she does and says to him). I just don't know what to do we've talked about it we still cant figure out what we're going to do. We could never get a house like that until we were like 60, if we get it now it'll be paid off when I'm 26 and my husband wont have to worry about mortgage payments and wont have to work the rest of his life for a nice house for our family.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Natalie - posted on 08/11/2009

4

30

0

definatly do not move in - if she's manipulative - then the house will never be urs - only move in once the papers have been signed over to ur husband!!!!

[deleted account]

Do NOT move in. That would be a mistake for you, your husband, and daughter. She will never move out. She wants you guys there so she can have control over what you guys do with your lives. Find a different house that suits you and your family. Remember to tell her thanks for the offer but we really need to be on our own and raise our daughter the way we want her to be. Take my advice. You will benefit from it. I know its so hard to pass up such a deal or so you think but right now if you were to try to buy a house, you can get a fairly decent interest rate. Good luck.

[deleted account]

Oooh...this is tough. I know the house is something you really want, but in my opinion it just doesn't sound like it's worth it. Especially considering you aren't sure that your mom-in-law will ever actually leave, meaning it wouldn't ever really feel like YOUR house, you know? I say follow your gut on this one and tell her thanks, but no thanks. She's a grown-up, and it's time for her to learn how to take care of herself...in other words, get a job. As you said, it's not your responsibility to take care of anyone other than you and yours.

Lisa - posted on 08/11/2009

3

13

1

Do not move in! My husbands mom has the same manipulative personality! She got herself into this mess she can get herself out of it. but dont say it like thaat,let your husband be the one to let her down as she wont hear a word you say and will respect it more from her son. It's likely she is lying about the whole thing just to get you guys in her clutches. Just tell ur hubby to emphasize your desire to be independent as a married couple and I would even reccomend not moving in there even if she lets you live there by yourselves, bc she will always have the ability to say she's moving in! Since it is her house anyways. Women like this never give up, so you can't either. But We are both in the same predicament.. so never feel alone honey! Mama's just love their boys, and especially if they're divorced then they may love them too much. (because they look like daddy) Stange but true, strength to you!

13 Comments

View replies by

Aubree - posted on 08/17/2009

205

33

15

We sat down and talked about it and said that we weren't going to move in with her. You guys are right its way too much of a hassle. We going to find another house to live in instead. Thanks for all the advise and help.

Erin - posted on 08/17/2009

8

21

1

I dont know why extended family always acts like you owe them something. I definatly feel for you. This sounds like a recipe for disaster. You and your hubby have a baby and need to put that first. My in-laws are constantly asking us for money and favors, and as much as we'd like to help, we have to think about our kids first! Plus they are the ones making all the bad horrible descions, and if we dont bail them out every time, we've violated some kind of family code. My brother in law is in his 30's and he's a convict, and if my husband doesnt lend him money to buy "food" (yea right) then he tries to make my husband feel guilty by saying that they were in the womb together (there twins) and doesnt that mean anything to him???

Yes, please dont move in!!! I agree with Lisa!!! You have to draw a line somewhere, your immediate family comes first.

Ashley - posted on 08/11/2009

5

4

0

i know how u feel like u r stuck between a rock and hard place but u need to think of your family first. trust me i have been there. do what u think is best for your family. work hard it may take longer to get your dream home but it will happen when the time is right.

Melissa - posted on 08/11/2009

89

9

6

If she is that manipulative and will not follow the rules that you make for your child then it will cause even more problems in your family. Also, if she has 7 more years until it's paid off then most likely you are right, she wont leave until it is because it will still be her house. If she did sign it over to you and your husband and still doesnt move out then yall will have to end up asking her to move out which again, will cause even more problems. Besides all that, it is a 2 bedroom house. If your child continues to have to sleep in peace and quiet then what will happen if you have another child? There won't be a room for all of you so look at the future. Granted, not having a mortgage would be awesome and its something we all wish for but like others have said it will never be YOUR house...I'm sure she will constantly remind you that too. I would much rather have something me and my husband worked for and was truly mine...it's just not worth the drama!

Nikki - posted on 08/11/2009

107

28

13

personaly i wouldent as some one expecting me to cook and clean for a houl house with a new baby wow and then there is th fact she takes over and i dont c y once u have moved in y she would move out she has th upper hand once yor there wate ull soon get yor own place in time best of luck wot ever u decide x

Aubree - posted on 08/11/2009

205

33

15

Thank you for the advice Amanda I'm starting to see a pattern in the answers Im getting so it looks like we shouldn't move in.

Aubree - posted on 08/11/2009

205

33

15

I think she's lying about it too. I really don't want to move in with her but I'm thinking about having my husband sit down and talk to her.

Lisa - posted on 08/11/2009

3

13

1

Eventually you guys will be able to get your own home!!!!! Just work hard together and be determined and save wisely.... you dont need her charity bacause along with it there are strings atatched. Look how old she is and sshe still is working at getting her own home. So you guys can do it too.... probably sooner than she did.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms