Pregnant at 17 and again at 27...help!

Christine - posted on 04/16/2013 ( 12 moms have responded )

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Alright, first off I would like to say hello and thank you to everyone that takes the time out of their day to read this, let alone respond. Also, that I joined because I saw so much outreach and responses, I couldn't resist.

I am a near 28 year old woman, with a son who is almost 10. If you do the math I had my son when I was 17. I was still in high school and very young. I can say it was a very difficult path along the way, but here I am alive and well. But now I find myself in a pickle, yet again. Let me explain...

I am currently a college student, with a little over 2 years to finish. I am in a committed relationship with a man for almost a year now. He has a great job, and he too is also in college. He has no children. We recently found out we are expecting, to much surprise! We have went back and forth with our decision as to whether keep or abort the baby. I feel more prepared than what I did before with my first, because I know what to expect now. After much debate and still a little weary, we opted for abortion. I have my appointment tomorrow to do the "pre" screening for the medication pills. And I believe, Saturday will be when I take the pills. But let me back up a little....

Yesterday, I was working and realized I was bleeding. I was very concerned and sad. I went to the hospital. After tests and ultrasounds, they indicated that the baby was still alive at 7 weeks, however I need to go back tomorrow to ensure my blood and HCG levels are back to normal. But, tomorrow, let me remind you, is the same day I am "supposed" to go for the "pre" screening. I think that it is a bit odd that all this happened yesterday and if I should take this as some sign???

Now I am questioning whether I should follow through with the abortion. Was the sadness I felt to help me realize what I will feel after the abortion? And the more I think, yeah, we are in no financial shape to raise a baby, but yet I wasn't at 17, but I managed. But I would like to add that after having my son, I have severe PPD and still deal with depression today. And since being pregnant, my hormones have NOT helped my mental health. I find myself crying often. Maybe because of hormones, of being scared of going through a 2nd PPD phase again (it was awful), and just not feeling ready for another baby.

Ultimately, I understand this my decision to make, but I would truly love experiences and opinions. Now I know I will make some people mad about the abortion, but I want to explain everything for what it is worth. I am only human. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated. Thanks again for stopping to read this and I look forward to hearing from those who chose to comment.

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Abby - posted on 04/18/2013

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Hi. I'm 27 and a mom of a almost 7 year old a 2 yr old and a 4 month old. I felt like I couldn't be a mom at a young age but look at me now I have 3. If you really feel like your not ready to be a mom again then think of adoption. I know this means you would stay pregnant and give birth but this could give you time to really think if your ready for this or not. I don't think getting an abortion is the answer. You were strong at 17 but your older and stronger at 27. I hope you take this into consideration and make the best choice for you and your unborn baby

Sarah - posted on 04/16/2013

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Abortion is ultimately killing something.... it is to terminate. So a normal person is going to have sadness. Abortion is not just a one day thing it is a life long thing. It stays with you for the rest of your life. For some it does create depression and mental health issues. For others it is not as severe, but it does affect each person. It is a very final thing that you can't take back. I often look at each one of my kids and with each one they came unplanned, but I could not imagine my life without each one of them. Each one has their own personality that makes someone smile and shine and I can't imagine taking that away. Look at your 10 yr old now and can you imagine not having him here? I think sometimes when we get scared we react, but if we take a step back and allow it to sink in and adjust what we would have done as a reaction is different then what we would do after we have adjusted.

I would encourage you to go to a Crisis pregnancy Center. You are 28 not 17 you have grown and matured since then and life is different. Some of the struggles you had then you will not have now. Yes it may still be hard and your plans may have to change a bit....maybe it takes you longer to finish college, but that does not mean you can't finish. There are resource out there.....look at how parenting might work this time. Another option to think about is adoption.....I know many people say that they could never do that. I then respond saying you could kill the baby, but not let someone else care for the baby? To me that sounds pretty selfish. I would rather you not live if I am unable to care for you. Yes adoption is hard, but so is parenting and abortion. With adoption the child still lives and you can have contact with the child if you wish. Another thing I would encourage you to do is to look up what parts of the baby that is developing right now. The heart has been beating since you were about 5 weeks along.

Christina - posted on 04/16/2013

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I am hesitant to respond to this post because the last thing I want to do on this helpful website is to be sounding judgmental. However, I feel very sad for you, your bf, your 10 year old and your baby that this would be an option for you. I understand that you suffer from depression and that it can cloud judgement but how is having an abortion going to let you skate around that? My thought is that it could make it horribly worse! Since you have a child already, you clearly understand all the emotion that you feel for them. You are 27, in a committed relationship and have successfully raised a 10 year old. It would be very sad in my opinion to make this decision only based on finances at this point.

If it's that big of a burden financially, why not think of adoption?

12 Comments

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Lauren - posted on 05/01/2013

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Jessica, sometimes birth control doesn't work, so to just respond that way isn't helpful.

Sarah - posted on 04/27/2013

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Thank you for the update Christine. I am glad to hear that you are keeping the baby. To help with the nausua.....walk. I know that first trimester you are REALLY tired and the last thing you feel like doing is walking, but it really does help. I was training for a walking marathon when I became pregnant with my third. To make sure that that would not harm the baby I did some research and learned that walking actually helps the pregnancy in many ways and nausa is one. For the showing sooner that is normal. You tend to show earlier and earlier with each pregnancy :).

Christine - posted on 04/27/2013

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Thank you all for the kind words and support. I really appreciate all of your posts and opinions.

A little update for you all, I decided to.....KEEP THE BABY :D There were a few things that happened that were signs and ultimately, this was something bigger than me.

However, this pregnancy is so different from the first. I feel much more nauseated and tired. I also am showing a lot sooner than I'd like.

Anyways, thank you all ♥

Amrit - posted on 04/19/2013

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there is no perfect time to have a baby- I think society puts so much pressure on us to have "our lives together" before we have children, but if you think about it, if anyone really had it "all together" they would probably be enlightened. Also, there is the worry of financial burden- which can be lessened depending on where you have your baby (hospital/birth center/home) and if you qualify for any state/government aid. After the birth, breastfeeding saves tons of money (and is the best for baby to boot) and cloth diapers are not as difficult as one would think and also save money in the long run. Just by cloth diapering and breastfeeding you can save thousands of dollars the first two years alone.
As for the sadness you felt, respect your intuition and what it tells you. If you have already chosen to abort, then don't be too hard on yourself either, some religions say that the soul doesn't enter the body until the 120th day of pregnancy.
About PPD, consider placenta capsules. Research about them and see if it seems like something you might want to do. I have heard that they really help with PPD.

Good luck and be happy with yourself no matter your decision.

Lauren - posted on 04/18/2013

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Christine, I want you to know I am going to pray so hard for you! And please know you have my 100% care and compassion, as both of my children were unexpected and before I was married.

Please, please reconsider your decision. A baby is a precious gift. Like others said, abortion is a permanent decision. I know so many people who went through years and years of therapy after having an abortion and still remember the pain they feel every day knowing their child is not with them. I know some people don't go through this, but there is no doubt if you're questioning it now, you won't likely be able to get over it easily.

There is help for you if you aren't able or ready to care for a second child, but I can speak from experience that your 10-year-old would LOVE that baby so much if you chose to keep it. And if you chose adoption, there are families who would love that baby so much...and even keep in touch with you if you want. Please, please go to a crisis pregnancy center or a nearby church and ask if they can put you in touch with someone who can help you work through how you're feeling. Abortion is NOT as safe and easy as clinics say or we wouldn't have trials like the current one with Kermit Gosnell going on. And they are not bound to regulations like other doctors or clinics so you are definitely at risk.

If you want to talk, I would love to chat with you--no judgement, even if you did proceed with an abortion. I'd love to support you through a pregnancy instead but I want you to know people care--and this child would being so much joy to you or another family. Consider that years from now, you'll realize that nothing could have been more challenging than being 17 with a newborn. You are clearly a strong woman; don't let one decision haunt you for the rest of your life. Call me anytime--day or night--you have support: 847-280-0700.

Lauren - posted on 04/18/2013

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Christine, I want you to know I am going to pray so hard for you! And please know you have my 100% care and compassion, as both of my children were unexpected and before I was married.

Please, please reconsider your decision. A baby is a precious gift. Like others said, abortion is a permanent decision. I know so many people who went through years and years of therapy after having an abortion and still remember the pain they feel every day knowing their child is not with them. I know some people don't go through this, but there is no doubt if you're questioning it now, you won't likely be able to get over it easily.

There is help for you if you aren't able or ready to care for a second child, but I can speak from experience that your 10-year-old would LOVE that baby so much if you chose to keep it. And if you chose adoption, there are families who would love that baby so much...and even keep in touch with you if you want. Please, please go to a crisis pregnancy center or a nearby church and ask if they can put you in touch with someone who can help you work through how you're feeling. Abortion is NOT as safe and easy as clinics say or we wouldn't have trials like the current one with Kermit Gosnell going on. And they are not bound to regulations like other doctors or clinics so you are definitely at risk.

If you want to talk, I would love to chat with you--no judgement, even if you did proceed with an abortion. I'd love to support you through a pregnancy instead but I want you to know people care--and this child would being so much joy to you or another family. Consider that years from now, you'll realize that nothing could have been more challenging than being 17 with a newborn. You are clearly a strong woman; don't let one decision haunt you for the rest of your life. Call me anytime--day or night--you have support: 847-280-0700.

Ty - posted on 04/17/2013

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Hi

I am 26 years old and I have a 7 week old child. When I was 19 years old I got pregnant by a man that was not someone I wanted to be with. I hated him, he treated me harshly and I considered an abortion. Most of my friends recommended just that. I was in my second year of college and had no support not from family or friends and everything seemed pretty scary. Ultimately though I had my daughter. Now years later she is 7 and I just had her a little brother a couple of months ago. At 17 you chose to keep your son at a time in your life when you were still a child and had nothing. At 27 you are a woman...and you are faced with a choice that is far different from a 17 year old's choice. For me, I was ready for my second child. Are you? If not do you think you want to have more children in the future? If so why not just have the one your pregnant with now? I am pro-choice. I just want you to be sure...I was with my first child so I kept her. With my second I wasnt 100 percent sure that I wanted a second child, while pregnant I was terrified and unsure of what it was going to be like. My memories of being a teenage mom hunted me, but he is here now and it's amazing. I have so much patience, my daughter is so helpful. I am ok, and I am happy. Being a mom at any age is a struggle but teenager versus 27 is a massive improvement. Look into yourself and be guided by your SELF, only you know what you want.

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V - posted on 04/17/2013

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If you have an abortion, you will go through a period of grief and will very likely question your decision.
If you decide to continue with the pregnancy, you will also very likely question your decision.
If you're having second thoughts, you're having them for a reason. Maybe see if you can reschedule your appointment for later this week. Or talk with your boyfriend about going to your appointment but giving it another couple of days before deciding to take the medication or not.
You've done this before, you had PPD before and are more aware of the signs and can prepare yourself and your boyfriend for it. You can inform him of the warning signs, make sure he knows the signs of when he needs to call your doctor or take you to the ER (whether you like it or not, during your depression).
As others have said, abortion, adoption, and parenting are all hard. You have to make the right choice for YOU. Their are support groups for whatever choice you make, and whatever comes of that choice, so take advantage of that if you need to.

Nicole - posted on 04/16/2013

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You have a huge decision to make. You need time to think about it. This is a no offense statement but there are many couples would kill to be pregnant. Who would love to have what you have. I have a friend who foolishly waited to get an abortion very late in pregnancy, when she went for the prescreening, I seen the baby move and the heart and i was so hurt by that. She followed through and the doctor punctured her uterus and she almost bled to death. We are not supposed to do that to our children, we should accept our children with love. And the money situation, god will help you through this, I promise you. I give you my word. There are many places that sell baby things for cheap and not to mention there are tons of people that will help you in a time of need, strangers even. But all in all you need to do what is best for you. Let me ask you this....do you regret having your son ? If your answer is no then why would having this baby be any different. Children are blessings that save us and you will be just fine. Good luck Christine. I will be praying.

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