problem with my mother in-law

Takreez - posted on 01/05/2013 ( 21 moms have responded )

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my mother in-law use to assault me and even bit me when i was pregnant and I spent a night in the clinic due to her violence till I complained to the police. i didn't go through with the complain to avoid more problems especially after the promise of my husband that she will not come to my house to torture me and we agreed that if he misses her and want to invite her I will spend those days in a hotel with my new born son to be safe from her till she leaves. unfortunately these days he told me that she s coming again and he will not pay for the hotel as he promised.
please tell me what to do I m terrified for my life and my son
thank you

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April - posted on 01/07/2013

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you can just call the police dept and they can walk you through it. I have talked with them about filing one before also. But this is not going to go over well for your marriage i would imagine. You have to do what is best for you and your child. I hope that your husband gets on board.

Mum O' 2 - posted on 01/09/2013

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Perhaps you find the exact date she is coming and you book your plane to see your family with your son a few days before she arrives. Your husband has to see that there is no future with a scenario of you and her or you and your son and her EVER being in the same room, home ever again. You aren't exaggerating. This woman cannot be trusted end of story. She can not be excused for her behavior based on her being a mom. This woman may seem normal but just because there are no outward signs, physical ailments, she is vey sick. Why? Probably many reasons - but not your problem. By spending even a minute thinking it might get better with her visit - the focus and responsibility for you and your son is misguided and unresponsible. #1 You matter. You are valued. You are a wife, mother, sister, daughter, niece, grandaughter---and not being a daughter-in-law will have to be the way it is as mom-in-law has gone beyond the line of decency and has forever damaged that part of your life. It is over and move on. You can't repair her til she wants to atone and realize and REGRET what she has done. If your husband puts her agenda and mental illness first, don't wait for it to get better or to change. It could take years or never change at all. I think going to your family is a clear sign that you are taking your responsibility as a mother very seriously and also as woman who deserves a safe, and loving life. It is heart felt that he may not be on board but this may be rude awakening that he will lose you has to happen. Your safety and your son's safety make it so.

Shakima - posted on 01/08/2013

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Get an order of protection & beat her a$$ back! Dont allow her to make you feel threathen in ur home.. And tell ur husband if he misses her he can take his butt to visit her! Order of protection for you & ur baby is a must! Get one asap!

Katie - posted on 01/08/2013

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You need to leave, and tell your husband if he won't man up and protect his wife and his child from an abusive person, you can't be with him.

Olha - posted on 01/07/2013

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If your son was born here. he is USA Citizen! contact that lady, that I gave you her email address. She will help... just send her questions and see if she can help. she wont charge you just for asking her at first time

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Takreez - posted on 01/09/2013

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Thank you dear friends for your support, all of your comments were helpful and encouraging. the point is despite her health problems she s mentally very strong and very very rude and even when the atmosphere wasn't bad and no fight she use to ignore me and even my husband never had the courage to talk to me when she was around unless he was forced to ask for something. and when she leaves we go back to normal. actually he is so nice without her influence but his weakness and blind obedience making me wonder how long I ll be able to tolerate.
dear friends, going back to live with my family in Tunisia is the best second thing that I can imagine, my parents, my older brother and sister and me we love each other more than anything in the world
i just want to avoid divorce coz I m still dreaming about having my own family and live in happiness providing better environment, quality of life and successful future for my son.
any way, apparently she will be coming on March or April I guess and thanks to all of you I m determined to fight back.

Mum O' 2 - posted on 01/08/2013

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Your mother in law is clearly not well mentally. To be fearful of her and with her assault IS unacceptable. There has been no apology some, coming to the light shed on her about this criminal behavior. You shoudl not allow her in your home period. Obviously there will be trust issues from here on out. Until there is atonement, which sounds like is not ever going to be the case. You have to decide. It is YOUR home first and this accomodation to "let her come...IN" should be void asap. She may stay at a nuetral place where the public is around and other bystanders can be in the room with your husband. She should never be in YOUR home. There must not be any sway from this condition. YOur husband can visit her in a public place - period. Not so sure I would even add the baby to this mix. YOur son is part of you and your mom in law nuerosis has not delt with you appropriately nor your husband as well. There is no pattern showing she will be appropriate to your son. You will have to decide to end the relationship if your husband does not understand that she is not to come into your house under any circumstances. You allowing it is --giving a sign that her nuerosis is not real. She needs professional help and perhaps the police and until this happens your home is off limits.
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April - posted on 01/06/2013

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Well, you cannot force him to take her to a hotel. I would contact the police and file a restraining order. Then legally she cant come see you. Whatever you do, dont go to Egypt. Contact an immigration lawyer, they can help you. Your son was born here right? Wouldnt he be a citizen. I would bet that you can be helped. You can go to a womens shelter for a while, i know its not ideal, but its better than being harmed. Your house is just as much your house as your husbands, I have forbid my inlaws for coming over before. You could also go to a church and someone should be able to help you. Good luck. That must be really scary and its horrible that he is not protecting his family over his mother.

Takreez - posted on 01/06/2013

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Thank you Kimberly, however I would like to know if legally I have the right to refuse to welcome her in my home and force my husband to take her to a hotel?
tnx

Kimberly - posted on 01/06/2013

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You can renew your own residency papers. He doesn't have to do that for you. You can use the internet to look up the phone numbers that you need to call to reach out to someone. There are also groups that specialize in dealing with women in domestic abuse/violence situations. His controlling behavior and threats of removing the children from the US and taking them to a country where mothers and women have no rights at all is a form of domestic abuse. Period. You need to reach out to someone who can help you. I will do some research myself and try to find you a phone number to call, and post it when I find it.

Deanna - posted on 01/06/2013

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Do you have a friend you can go see? Go there. A library, a restaurant, a family member's house. A park even.

Takreez - posted on 01/05/2013

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thank you Olha, god bless you. to be honest with you I m from Tunisia and my husband is from Egypt and he studied and working in USA for more than a decade, he s well educated and open minded the way we live in Tunisia and I never expected to face such problem with him. unfortunately he does everything his mother tell and when ever she contacted him he goes blind.

Olha - posted on 01/05/2013

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get with that lawyer. yes I know what you are talking about. I dont think he has rights to do what he told you he will. I'd email that lady and tell her whats going on, and also, let me know . I will pray for you!

Takreez - posted on 01/05/2013

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it s not a green card it s a residency I believe and it must be renewed after two years till I get my permanent citizenship after few years. I m from Tunisia and we have rights but in Egypt I don't have any. your help is highly appreciated.

Takreez - posted on 01/05/2013

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I don't do any of this and I know that I have right in USA and they know that too that s why they want to return to Egypt where women has no rights. he even told me that he wont renew my visa so I will be forced to leave USA. can he do that?

Olha - posted on 01/05/2013

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if you dont do drugs and all other stupid things nobody can take your child from you.

Takreez - posted on 01/05/2013

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she just want to humiliate me and make me accept to be just a slave but when she sow my reaction by calling the police she convinced her son to return to the home country where she can hurt me and take my son from me.

Olha - posted on 01/05/2013

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call police. your husband should be thinking about your kid and hid child first. very disturbing. I'd call police!! why is she doing that to you?

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