Problems with Daddy

Lindsey - posted on 04/20/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My fiancee and i have been together for about 2 1/2 years now, we have a 5 weeks old son together and he has 2 children (9 & 3) from his previous marriage who live with their mom and visit with us every other weekend. Ever since the baby has come home he does so little to help out, he won't wake up in the middle of the night to help at all unless i punch him and tell him to get up. He got laid off work about 3 weeks before the baby was born, so needless to say i got 2 weeks maternity leave and now i'm back at work, luckily i have a cool boss who lets me bring the baby with me. So it pretty much boils down to i stay up all night with the baby because he has colic, get ready in the morning, go to work, take care of the baby at work, go home, take care of the baby at home, try to do dishes, laundry, clean house, take care of the animals (we have 3 dogs and 4 cats) and you know what he does, he sits in the bedroom watching tv while i'm trying to console the baby and mop the floor or wash dishes, i know he's having a hard time that i'm payin the bills, but damn i need help, i'd be fine if i had like 8 arms. Has anyone else had this problem? I'm just at my wits end, i love him with all my heart but i'm at the point where i don't know how much more i can take i think last night i might have slept for 45 minutes when the baby finally calmed down, but then was right back up again, and now i'm sitting at work. I'm just burnt out and i'm tired of receiving no support. But when it's the weekend for his other 2 kids to come over, he makes a huge deal about it, and i pretty much told him until he helps with the baby he isn't having the other kids in our house, because when they're with us he pays attention to them, does laundry for them, cooks for them...what about me and our son? It just drives me nuts and i needed to vent, any input would be great.

6 Comments

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Tamika - posted on 04/20/2009

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Men are not the brightest individuals...and that is okay. You are going to have to spell it out for him. Let him know how hard of a time you are having and explain to him that the baby is not just your responsibility. My husband treated me the same way when he was laid off from work and I worked everday, up with the baby at night.... I got to a point to where I stopped cooking dinner when I got home, I stopped doing the laundry, and no SEX!!!! I understand about him being depressed, but you are going to go crazy yourself if you continue in this manner.....good luck

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Also, men are like kids if you want them to hear you make sure you have eye contact and that there is no other distraction for him while you talk (tv, video game, etc.) If not it's a battle lost before it starts. lol

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Have a talk with him. Getting laid off might make him feel like he is not "The Provider" in the home and he feels like the only way he can step up to the plate is when HE pays the bills. For some men it's not "manly" enough to clean up and help with the kids. Tell him you need his help around the house and that the only way the home can work out is with his help... Don't tell him is lazy or useless or whatever because that just makes it so much worst and undermines his self-esteem (which is already bruised by being laid off). If he feels like you appreciate what he does when he helps around the house it will improve.

I do agree with Amanda : "If you don't spell it out they don';t figure it out." So when you ask him to help be precise: ""please wash, dry and fold laundry." or " please empty the garbage can in BOTH the bathroom AND Kitchen". Good luck!

Lindsey - posted on 04/20/2009

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His first marriage broke up because she was cheating on him, and he was giving her money to pay the bills, but he power kept getting shut off and the house went into foreclosure. Thats when he left, he gave her everything, house, car and he took the debt

Amanda - posted on 04/20/2009

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You need to tell him how you feel. Guys are stupid, if you dont spell it out for them they NEVER figure it out. Tell him your tired and you need his help more. If your working why cant he get up with the baby?

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two things...firstly, he could be depressed from being laid off, which means he probably needs to seek medical attention. secondly, could this be the same reason his first marriage broke up? i have a friend in a similar situation but her man doesnt do anything around the house or for his other children from a previous marriage, she is in the process of leaving him now. Your guy might just need a sharp kick up the butt! alternatively stop cooking for him and doing his laundry etc...and make his lazy ass take care of himself.

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