problems with future inlaws?

Ashley - posted on 04/23/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )




me and my fiance are getting married in august and last year in older brother texted him and basically told him that i need to get an abortion. that thought had never crossed my mind and it killed me that his family thought that. ever since then we have had problems with his whole family. his dad went so far as to say that they don't want to come to the wedding. part of this is because the day we chose my fiances younger sister can't be there because of college. i'm am just sick of this and i want my son raised around people who love him and i don't feel like they do. my fiance agrees with me he ignores his families calls cuz they all want to push it under the rug but won't apologize for the stuff they said about me and our son. should i invite them to the wedding or not?


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Blaire - posted on 04/23/2009




I would invite them to the wedding. That way you dont sink to their level. You can and should be the bigger person. I personally know what it is like to have major issues with the in laws and let me tell you they need to be dealt with right away or else it will cause major issues. I am not saying that you need to get along perfectly but you need to come to a mutual understanding with them somehow.

Joyce - posted on 04/23/2009




The most important thing is to remeber that family is family no matter whos side it is on. You might forgive your brother or sister differently than you would his. I too had in law problems and I realized that my husband could not except my family but expected me to listen to his mother tell me I needed to lighten up and give my 18 month old more sugar and caffine. Hello sorry but I do not want my sons teeth rotting out before he even has them. After aproaching our preacher with this problem this is how he explained it to us. When you say I do you are saying I do to all of it and all of him. All of him being his mom and sister and dad. They belong to you as well. You do not have to like to them but you do have to pretend. Watch your sayings around them and always do the right thing even when you do not want them in your home. With saying this you should also take into consideration the child. You never know how much a heart can hold or how much you love something untill someone calls you mommy. The sacrifices you will make for your children are unreal. Keep positive and think possitive and get possitive! Good luck! OH and when they are there you could say things like well I think thats a wonderful idea but I want to do it this way instead. Open the door to kill them with kindness!

Rachael - posted on 04/23/2009




I agree with Cassie, send the invitation but do it without any expectations. If they do not come then you know exactly where you stand with them. Try not to stress to much about it, the first year of marriage can be rough even if you've lived together for a while. Don't let them come between you and your fiance, you should be enjoying this new adventure together.

Jennifer - posted on 04/23/2009




The silent treatment to his family won't help the issue. He needs to confront them and tell them that he has made his decision reguardless of what they think. Your child should not suffer for their mistakes and opinions on you. They need to suck it up and be responsible grandparents and put differences and opinions aside like any real adult would. Doesn't mean that they have to like you but they should at least treat you with respect. This is all up to your fiance to make clear to his family.

Cassie - posted on 04/23/2009




I think you should def invite them to the wedding but then leave it at that. While your husband agrees with you about his family, if you completely cut them out, he may later feel resentment towards that. You should invite them; if they come then your start the relationship fresh and give them a second chance to be a part of your son's life. If they don't come then you and your husband know where their hearts truly lie. Always make the attempt but don't set yourself up for heart ache. Your husband and you need to prepare yourselves that they might not come. Good luck and I hope they have changed their feelings on your marriage and your son!!!

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