Problems with my mother in-law!

Nicole - posted on 01/29/2009 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I'm not sure how to deal with my mother in law! Don't get me wrong I love her but there are many times where she over steps her boundries! Its over whelming! She says things that make me uncomfortable like the other day at my son's baptism she was saying to me "I'm his mama and your the grandmother" not sure how to take that or My husband was saying how Kaleb's his baby and she was like well he's my baby cause your my baby (meaning my hubby) and so that makes Kaleb my baby! And it doesn't help that my husband tells his mom everything so I feel like we have no privacy..I try to talk to my husband but he thinks nothing is wrong! She just says things that make me so mad..I could go on for hours! But Does anyone have any advise? If I don't say something or do something soon I'm afraid it wont be pretty! Please help!

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Jordan - posted on 01/29/2009

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I had the same issue with my mother-in-law, actually its a daily battle.  Lol  I finally had to tell my husband and be very blunt with him (after sweet and subtle didnt work) and tell him exactly what was happening to our relationship because of her meddling.  When he actually stopped and looked at what was going on and how his mother was trying to run his life and making mine miserable, he stood up to her and it's made all the difference.  He's realized that the only person he's accountable to, is me-his wife-not his mother.  Remember Genesis, "the man will leave his mother and father and CLEAVE to his wife"  Cleave means cling; to rely upon.  He needs to realize this and see you for the wonderful support partner you are to him, because his mother DOES NOT have the type of intimacy that you do.  Keep your cool with her, but be honest and very clear with your man and it will all work out.  Good luck!!

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I have the same issues. His mom is soo nosey asking how much money we have and then makes comments like well why are you buying that or if u need money i can help you out. And then tries to hide her annoyingness by saying I'm not trying to be rude. She calls constantly asking where he is and what he is doing. I had to block her number from my phone bc of her texting me rude things and also by calling me numerous times if he doesnt answer right away. He doesnt stick up for himself or me..... How can i get through to him to tell her to back off! Ugh

Sarah - posted on 01/30/2009

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oh my goodness...im so sorry! i would feel the same way too, you definetally need to step up to her in private and be serious and stern and tell her how you feel and she needs to STOP!!!!! and as far as ur husband, he really needs to not tell her everything, and you must tell him....."i don't want to tell you anything because you tell her, and how does that effect us!?" i wish you luck! mother in laws can be ROUGH! ;(...hang in there!

Brittany - posted on 01/29/2009

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It does help that my husband is always on my side no matter what, unless I am totally in the wrong. In response to the comment above (no offense) but I don't believe that will work. My husband used to say everything for me, if that works then great!! But it seemed with us that everything (even though it was my problem with her) ended up between them, and I was left out in the dark. I know he also wouldn't say exactly what I wanted him to (Think would tell your mam everything if your husband had a problem with her?) She would quit for a while after he talked to her, but it always started back up again. I just think that for the best long term fix you need to tell her exactly how you feel. Try to do it when you aren't mad at her and hopefully it will go a little smoother for you than it did for me! If you decide to use my advice, but good luck with it whatever you do. I know how much pressure it can put on not only your shoulders, but your whole family!! because If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!!

Brittany - posted on 01/29/2009

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Just confront her! Not in a mean way, just everytime she says something that you don't like, tell her how it makes you feel. She probably keeps doing it because she is getting away with it. I have found out that more times than not, people do not like to be confronted about something they are doing that is wrong, especially if they know that it is wrong, and if she doesn't think that there is anything wrong with what she is doing she will probably realize it and feel bad. I have a similar situation. My mother-in-law and I got along great most of the time, well there are always thoes things a mother-in-law can do to get on your nerves, and I have known her 7 years. Then I got pregnant. She started telling me what I need and need not to do, and it only got worse when my daughter came. She started telling me what to do with my daughter! One day I couldn't take it anymore and I snapped and told her how I felt (which no one does to her except my husband, but they are over it in a day). She got mad at me!!! and told me I was wrong! I told her I was sorry for the way I said what I said but that was it, that I meant every word! I told my husband I would never talk to her again until she realized her faults and appologized to me. She ame over and appologized the next day. I was still so mad that I didn't even come downstairs to see them (My father in-law too, and I love him to death!!). She has felt so bad, she has been so nice to me lately and watches what she says!!! I never thought that would happen. We are getting along even better than we ever did before!! Hope this helps, good luck!!!

Jaclynn - posted on 01/29/2009

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It really is the responsibility of the biological child of the inlaw- so your husband to speak to your mother in law. Otherwise there are alot of power issues and it can make things much worse then they need to be. My husband has had to handle a situation like this but with my father in law and it is a given that he would support the boundaries of our family. I would do the same if the problem were with my parents.when your husband sees the importance of this for the wellbeing of your family then that will help cut the tension just knowing he is on your side!

Arika - posted on 01/29/2009

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I had the same problem with my husband so I know exactly how you feel. Things will never improve until he understands that mommy doesn't need to know everything. I got so fed up I finally had to sit my husband down and explain in detil why him telling his mother everything was causing problems not only in my relationship with my mother in law but it was straining our relationship as well. When he realizes this things will improve.

Nicole - posted on 01/29/2009

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I totally feel your pain...I have had many issues with my in-laws also.  Your husband has to side with you on these things and stand up to his mom..  He needs to lay it on the line that you are your own family now and that what you decide between your husband and you is the way it is, period.  He needs to make it clear that the things she says and does are not acceptable.  It took 4 years for my husband to finally be honest with his mom about things and let her know that the butting in was no acceptable to "us".  He was afraid to stand up for himself and our family, but after numerous episodes of my hysterically crying everytime something happened that upset me and boy did it get worse after we had our daughter, he did what he needed to and put me and our daughter first.  I kept my mouth shut when things would happen and instead would come home and let it all out on my husband, but just like your afraid of, one day I just couldn't take it anymore and lost my mind on her, and let me tell you it wasn't pretty!!!  We didn't see them for a few months and once we did again it hasn't been the same since, but she has definitely backed off a lot.  My only other advice is to limit your contact with her, that is what we have also done and it has helped. 

Jen - posted on 01/29/2009

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I have a mother in law that hates the fact that she can't control my husband and i and what we do with our kids. for example, she doesn't want us to put our son in preschool. so much so that she called crying about it. we see her less and less now because we don't want to deal with the drama. luckily my husband backs me up which i think is very important.



i agree with everyone else. you have to get your husband to try and understand how much it is bothering you and tell him that he can't be telling his mommy everything. you have to have privacy in a marriage or its not going to work well....especially when its his mother that knows everything!

Anne - posted on 01/29/2009

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I agree with the other ladies here too. Alot of the time it's hard for the husband's mom to cut her strings, if you know what I mean.. you could try talking to her and telling her that it's bothering you, too.. along with talking to him as well. If it doesn't work separately, get them both together and say, "Alright look.." no reason to be miserable, and you shouldn't have to be!!

Jessica - posted on 01/29/2009

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I'd say exactly what Toni said lol Let your husband know that you married him and not his mother. If there's a problem, he should be willing to fix it.

Toni - posted on 01/29/2009

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You should talk to your husband and kindly let him know that you married him and not his mother and you feel uncomfortable that she knows so much about your relationship. x



My partner is smothered by his mum too and I just think it's ridiculous. He is a grown man, a father. It's no wonder he doesn't have a clue how to do the washing or clear up behind him. lol. It's like having 2 children! x



I hope that the novelty will wear off that your mother in law is so involved. Good luck! x

[deleted account]

You aren't going to be able to make things better because of your husband.  He's the real problem here.  If he isn't supporting you, and if he's telling her everything he isn't, then you are kind of stuck.  You really need your husband to back you up.  I feel for you but I really don't know any advice that would help you without the support of your husband.  My husband and I had problems with boundaries, but we worked together and stuck together to show an united front which is what you really must have.  If things were said or done that overstepped our boundaries we would pack up and leave.   I think you need to make your husband understand how much of an issue this is. 

Traci - posted on 01/29/2009

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I would feel the same way you are feeling if I was in that situation. I think what needs to happen is either say something to her in private and say how you feel and or just let it go through one ear and out the other and ignore it. The whole mama and your the grandma thing would defiantly throw me for a loop especially if she continues with that when your baby is older and says it in front of him.

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