question for all the wives

Katherine - posted on 07/10/2009 ( 145 moms have responded )

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would you be mad if your husband made a face book and most of his friends were girls you never met or heard of and one girl he dated for a couple years!!!! my husband thinks there is no problem

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Rebecca - posted on 07/13/2009

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Quoting Katherine:

we are already having marriage problems so i guess this just adds to it with his myspace we had an understanding i had no guys he didnt no and he had no girls i didnt no this face book is total opposite i feel he new i would be mad so why did he do it



Ok first of all let me offer my support, I am sorry to all the trust him ladies out there but to me that's not a helpful response, if you were fully trusting him you wouldn't have asked this question. I would totally be pissed off, and I say trust your gut. He could be deliberately trying to piss you off because he feels less important since the baby came around but the fact that you guys already had an agreement about the my space thing then he went and did this tells me that he is either trying to piss you off as I said before or he is looking for attention from ladies that he is not getting from you now that baby is around. My marriage is also hitting some major rocks now that baby is around and hubby is not #1 anymore. The ex thing is not something I would worry too much about depending on how their relationship was I am friend's with all my husband's ex's.



So now you have a dillema you see because if you are already having problems I would imagine that means there is lots of tension and maybe fighting so do you want to risk more to ask him about it, I would, I would ask him who they are, why he thinks it's ok since you agreed not to, tell him it hurts you and makes you wonder if you can trust him. 



I hope things get better soon for you!!!

Ashley - posted on 07/14/2009

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My husband and I have a policy that we can be "friends" with people on Facebook as long as they weren't a "significant other" at one time.

Jessica - posted on 07/13/2009

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Quoting Nicole:



Quoting Jessica:

While I trust my husband I never say not my man and I would never say he woldnt do that hes human and a man lol I mean Ladies come on...I would probably be mad if I were you how would he feel if the shoe were on the other shoe and it were you who had the "boyfriends" whom he never met and some in which you dated...NAH NAH NAH I dont think he would be so happy...Just my opnion I def. dont think your off base here! Good luck I think your gonna need it :)





I cut ties with everyone from my past before I got married because I knew it would hurt him if I didn't. I treat him the same way I expect to be treated. It works out wonderfully. Why carry baggage around from the past if you can't fully share it with the people in the present? By baggage, I of course mean other people who you were attracted to and still have problems with (because deep down you're still attracted, and if you're not, you never know if he/she still is). Ya know, stuff like that. I don't play with fire. People get hurt that way. I know my husband wouldn't do that because I know my husband. BOth of us have been cheated on before and we don't take any possible chance of someone overstepping a boundary. He hates his ex. lol. I have no desire to talk to mine either. Yuck. I know lots of people who want to remain friends after that, but I don't think it's ever a good idea. The memories still linger, and no one needs to keep those around while you're trying to build a life with a spouse. It's wrong.






I completely agree an ex is an ex for a reason or else you woud still be together....apparently there is some reason your no longer together so why hold onto the past???? your supposed to look to the future with your wife and children not the past, what is he looking for back there?!?!?! Mid life crisis?!!?!? My husband and I are very young (23& 24)and just had our 1st child but I wouldnt tolerate it.

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My husband and I have both male and female friends on here, but we mostly use FB for mutual friends and old friends from school. What we decided as a couple was to save our passwords on the computer. We don't hide anything, and if we are concerned we bring it up and pray about what the best solution is. We're honest with each other. The only way to get through something like that is to be honest and upfront. If I trust my husband, there's no need to wonder what's going on. Without being honest it's too easy to hold contempt for one another, and contempt is the leading cause of divorces.

Meagan - posted on 07/10/2009

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I would probably be a little mad, but if you trust him there shouldn't be a problem. Also if it is a huge problem you should talk to him and tell him how you feel. There is probably nothing to worry about, most of my friends are males.

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145 Comments

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Lauren - posted on 07/20/2009

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I can understand a need for trust, but why would he have a bunch a girls that he doesn't know as friends? You know? I mean that is what i would be asking. I do have jealously issues though...I have been cheated on by almost every guy I dated. If I were you, I would ask for an open and honest explanation for his majority of strange women as friends.

Shannon - posted on 07/20/2009

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You have to trust that your husband loves you. You have to put your jealous tendencies aside and trust that he would never do this. Do you have guys on your friends list? Does he know them? You have to remember that if you don't like it done to you don't to it to the other person. (I am not saying that you are doing it) Ask him who the girls are, and send them a friends request. If you still have a problem with it then tell him about it. Trust and communication are the two main things in a marriage and if you cannot talk to or trust the one that you are with then there is a problem. My suggestion is The Love Dare and Fireproof the movie.

Ashley - posted on 07/20/2009

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I THINK IT IS TOTALLY WRONG! Good Luck! i wish i could get my husband to understand too!

Ashley - posted on 07/20/2009

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I am dealing with the same thing! My husband talks to girls online and he met a girl online out of state and she im's his cell phone at all hours and he thinks there is nothing wrong b/c she is alot older than us..

Victoria - posted on 07/20/2009

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me and my husband both have facebook accounts and both have male and female friends no ex's allowed tho and we each know the others password so that we can check if and when we want or feel the need to as neither of us feel we have anything to hide

Jessica - posted on 07/20/2009

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You can't let something small like that bother you, and make you paranoid. If you feel that it is a real problem, then you might have trust issues! If you can't trust your husband, then you start to dis-trust yourself.

Leasa - posted on 07/20/2009

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I would be upset! I trust my husband completely, but thats still inappropiate!!!

Adina - posted on 07/20/2009

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Ohh no darlin.. There is definatly a problem.. Yes you trust him and don't mind he has friends.. But n e friend of his has to be a friend of mine.. There's nothing more to it!!!

Maggie - posted on 07/20/2009

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i don't think it's a problem. the problem woud come if he is listed as single on facebook, meeting up with them behind your back, or if something else is happening... if you know what i mean. i don't mean to put ideas in your head. talk to your husband and tell him how you feel about this.

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If it was something he did behind your back I would be worried. If he had let you know from the get-go that he had a facebook acct with a lof of female friends I would be less concerned. People only hide things when they think they're doing something wrong.



It definitely needs to be discussed. Don't make him out to be a criminal right away, but see what he says and figure it out from there.

Shanaaz - posted on 07/19/2009

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What if ur a new mom... and there's a gal woman that works with ur bf that is interested in him and is practically stalking him.. calling him at 3am and stuff.... and he spent more that a R1000 one month on calls to her. And yet he claims that they just friends and he loves u?



Do you just get over yourself or is there reason to doubt him?

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My husband and I share this facebook......even though I'm the one on it most of the time lol. I would be a little upset if my hubby had one of his own and had all males on it though.

Ena - posted on 07/19/2009

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Alot of u have said that if he had those girl friends a long time before he met her, then its stupid to stop contact! Then why hasnt Katherine met them??? Or let her talk to them also!

Ena - posted on 07/19/2009

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yes yes yes...my hubby doesnt haave face book but he sometimes comes on mine with me. (he doesnt like computers) If u r being respectful with your facebook then it should be the same coming from him. For example, I ONLY accept people I know personally, family, friends we BOTH know about and I ignore ex boyfriends who put ina friend request. Theyre exes right? It seems weird to be good friends with an ex...to me anyway... especially if u have no kids by them.

Hope - posted on 07/19/2009

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Well is he the mostly the type to have more girls as friends? I know mine is.. and really I trust him fully and completely... Of course I'm not going to say there wasn't a time where i didn't trust him, but he has never given me a reason to not trust him.

Kristina - posted on 07/19/2009

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Yea, I would be a little mad but if he is open and honest about it, you shouldn't have anything to worry about.

Kerri - posted on 07/19/2009

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Jen Stef that is stupid. So if your husband had friends that are girls and he has been friends with them for a long time before he met you then all of a sudden you come along and you dont like that he is friends with them then he should just stop? That is one of the most selfish things I have heard and your husband is an idoit if he listens to shit like that!!

Jen - posted on 07/19/2009

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It doesn't matter if HE thinks it's a problem or not...his wife is uncomfortable, it has to stop. Priorities!

Kerri - posted on 07/19/2009

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No not really my boyfriend has a facebook and a myspace with girls on it that i dont know. but we both know that we wont do anything wrong so it doesnt matter who our friends are.

Sharni - posted on 07/19/2009

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and Allegra, i think, is pretty right, if there's nothing to hide, there's nothing to mistrust.

Sharni - posted on 07/19/2009

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there is no way that his need to be on facebook with lots of girls attention, stroking ego, as they do and can, as we know what girls can be like, that it is completely innocent. Is he getting enough attention athome, and if so, what is he missing in his life to feel the need to communicate to old girlfriendsonline? Its a dangerous area only for the fact that it easily goes from joking to flirting to deleteing evidence...to lies...and mistrust...EVERYTHINGS about trust. If you cant wholly trust him deep down, then you prob can't...

Allegra - posted on 07/19/2009

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I think that if he went behind my back and made I'd be mad but if you told you that he had or was getting a facebook then I wouldn't see a problem as long as you trust him. Every person struggles with jealousy at some point so if you are jealous that's okay, its only human but if itsa trust thing where you think he is doing something inappropriate, then it changes things. My husband and I have our own myspace but we have each other's passwords. we dont usually go on each other's much but we dont have anything to hide from each other. Every relationship is different so none of our experiences can be measured to yours. You need to sit down and have a conversation with your husband and let him know how you feel.

Kayla - posted on 07/19/2009

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it might make you mad and want him to cancel the site. if you trust him he wont do anything. but it might provoke him to do something the more doubt you put into the situation. tell him that it bothers you and talk it out but dont argue over it. that would just make it worse.

Momma - posted on 07/19/2009

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i think it would depend on the situation... i get on better with males and my fiance hates this but he deals with it cuz they were friends longer than i've known him... however, if it was a past relationship he would have problems with it as would i.... but, if its only thru the computer and while i understand that you don't like it, let this ease your mind a bit, he cant have physical contact with them thru the keyboard and mouse.

Momma - posted on 07/19/2009

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i think it would depend on the situation... i get on better with males and my fiance hates this but he deals with it cuz they were friends longer than i've known him... however, if it was a past relationship he would have problems with it as would i.... but, if its only thru the computer and while i understand that you don't like it, let this ease your mind a bit, he cant have physical contact with them thru the keyboard and mouse.

Olet - posted on 07/18/2009

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well to be completely honest, I personally wouldn't care so much for that scenario. While I trust my husband, I can say that I'd be kind of annoyed with the idea. Anyway, apart from that, my husband isn't necessarily into things like myspace and facebook. So I suppose that's one thing I'd never have to worry about. And as I think about it more, there are many factors to consider also. So yeah.

Kelly - posted on 07/18/2009

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It would irritate me a little bit, but I trust my husband. If I dont know some one I ask him we both are open and honest with each other. He is allowed to have friends of the opposite sex, but he also tells me who they are, he doesnt hide it from me. I guy friends and my husband is totally fine with that. Most of our friends are mutal friends any way. In any marriage you have to have trust. If there is no trust then it is not much of a marriage. My husband and I both have been cheated on in the past we now what it feels like and would never do that to each other.

Heather - posted on 07/18/2009

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Well my hubby would never have a facebook. But I trust in that for the 10yrs. we've been together he would dtay faithful to his family. But if indeed it bothers u then you should make a facebook together. Make it a family page.

Kirsten - posted on 07/18/2009

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The first time i saw my husbands facebook i noticed his x, and lots of women i had never heard him speak of. But i trust him, and most of them aren't even people he has spoken to in years so i can't complain. I am still friends with the man i lived with before i met my jack and he has no problem with that, i see no problem with staying friends with an x.

Jackie - posted on 07/18/2009

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I wouldnt be mad if he had one, I would be mad that he didn't tell me about it. But I trust my husband, that's what it's all about. I have some ex's on my facebook, because we are still friends, but there isn't anything there.

Amelia - posted on 07/18/2009

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The question is do you trust him? My husband occasionally talks to an ex of his, but I know that there's nothing there. It all just depends. What does he talk to them about? Does he talk to them? Are they friends from high school? Does he play any facebook game like Mafia Wars?

I have tons of facebook friends that I only play the games with. Otherwise I don't talk to them. So, don't worry until he gives you a reason to worry!

Candyce - posted on 07/18/2009

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If my husband actually had any female friends or was ever on the computer other than for work, i don't think I would have a problem with it, except for the chick who he dated. I've had platonic male friends, but DH hated it, so I gave most of them up. That's what I think yours ought to do, just because he knows you're uncomfortable with it.

Angela - posted on 07/18/2009

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I would wonder why his has all girls while mine has a variety of both genders. I probably would not like it but I'd have to sit and bite my tongue because he had not done anything wrong. I have learned in life that jumping the gun always causes a bigger problem. Hope this helps.

Kati - posted on 07/18/2009

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nope... we went to different high schools so most of the girls he knows i dont. and if i ask who someone is he never has a problem telling me, i trust him completely

Helen - posted on 07/17/2009

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try not to read into things too much... talk to him about it... let him know that you are uncomfortable that he has so many girl friends and is friends with his ex... let HIM reassure you... ask him questions about how he knows them and tell him that he is more than welcome to ask about the male friends on your page... basically... just communicate with him... because when you stop communicating...that's when these girls will become a problem... but if you trust him and he is open about it... then don't be too worried...

Jessica - posted on 07/17/2009

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In my experience with that I was upset and angry and it turned out that there was something going on behind the sceens. If he really cares about you then he would respect that it bothers you.

Sarah - posted on 07/17/2009

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I would probably be both jealous and mad at first. I can't deny that. But knowing my husband like I do, I know he would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship or marriage.

Ashley - posted on 07/17/2009

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i wouldnt be mad because i guys think differently and im sure if he knew it would lead to a fight with his wife he wouldnt have done it (usually)

Tiffany - posted on 07/17/2009

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Put a bunch of guys on yours. I know its childish but he might get the picture and feel how you feel. Look up people you went to high school with.

Stacy - posted on 07/17/2009

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no i wouldnt.. depends on if you trust him or not... i personally get along with men better than women.. all my best friends have been men and my husband had no problem with that either. if you have any reason to not trust him with any other past occurances then yes i would be mad but if not then no

Heather - posted on 07/17/2009

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Stephanie i have my facebbok and everythin open 2 him and i have never lied 2 him about anythin since the day we met. He has given me reason 2 doubt him bout things b4 and i dont know wot 2 do.Whenever i ask him about his facebook he les and says he never goes on it but when i log on2 our laptop his e-mail is in the book and seen as tho i am usually the last 1 2 use it i know hes lyin.Wot do u suggest i do??

I wud love 2 chat more if u dont mind as i live in Egypt as that is where my hubby is from and im from the UK so i have no family or many friends here and feel so alone at times.If u wud like 2 chat sumtime my e-mail & msn is hotcheeks06@hotmail.co.uk

Hannah - posted on 07/17/2009

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I guess I would be a little upset. I would just wonder why there weren't any guy friends on his list...I mean how may female friends does a guy really need? I would just ask him to let you read any communications he had with his old friends, and if there's nothing to hide then he won't have a problem sharing, right? Just know that he'll probably be defensive about you asking, but that's no indication that he's trying to pull something over on you....if he's innocent, he may just feel you don't trust him. However, if it still bothers you after you both talk about it, he should do everything in his power to keep your trust in him intact. If that means getting rid of the FB profile, then so be it...because you should be his ultimate concern not old friends. But remember, that road runs two ways.

Stephanie - posted on 07/17/2009

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Oh my gosh Heather, that is terrible. I don't think that is ok at all.You should be able to see whatever you want in my opinion. My husband and I share all of our passwords to everything with each other because we know there is nothing to hide. I don't think a husbnad should be talking back and forth to women he or YOU don't even know, especially if they're saying things like that. He should probably just not have a Facebook.

Heather - posted on 07/17/2009

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I know how u feel, my hubby has a facebook profile and he will not add me or my family.I have looked at who he knows and most of them r women he sed he doesnt even know.He sed he wont add me coz i mite get jealous of sum of the comments on there.He sed 1 girl wrote 'i think ure really sexy' and he sed he wrote bak 2 her but will not tell me wot he wrote.Im worried he mite b cheatin or thinkin bout cheatin.

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