sad and needs help

Lorraine - posted on 07/05/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My name is Lorraine and i live in New Zealand. I am 24 and have a daughter who is turning 3 in December.

A couple of months ago i was made redundant and am currently having trouble finding a job. I am a full time mum again and struggling to adjust.

Obviously with no job comes alot of other worries... money etc and i find im always down now.

I try to fight back tears during the day so my daughter doesnt see me as she thinks its something she has done. I feel like im being a horrible mum as we just dont have as much fun anymore. I cry at the drop of a hat now, movies, cartoons even ads. My husband doesnt understand and thinks im being silly. I dont know how to snap out of it and start being an awesome mum again and not just an average one.

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Elizabeth - posted on 07/06/2009

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seriously go to a therapist - people seem to have negative thoughts about a therapist but they are so crucial. I THINK EVERYBODY should see a therapist and get a massage every month. they are neutral and you can just VENT. sometimes you just need somebody to listen even if you dont know whats wrong. It is so hard to snap out of something like that ecspecially if you are feeling guilty for feeling like that . ITS THE WORST. do yourself a favour and relize that you are not a bad mom or wife and people just get down sometimes. you need to know that its okay to feel like that and stop feeling bad about it before you can snap out of it.

Kristin - posted on 07/06/2009

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Quoting Michelle:

first list your bills get your budget together figure where to cut *things like eating out internet cable etc can go for a while if you need to pay your bills* if you think the downness is more go see a doctor



I was reading your post and understand that things get hard.  I also agree with Michelle in that you might not just be down, you might have depression.  This is not something to be ashamed of or feel that you're being silly.  It is something that will need to be taken care of as quickly as possible.  I'm trying not to make it seem like all doom and gloom but treatment can be very helpful and you might not even need medication.  Just don't think that something is wrong if you need to get help.

Sarah-lou - posted on 07/06/2009

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hi, without going into too much detail... my life took a really bad spin and i was left a single parent of a 16month old baby and a 4 year old.. i had to re locate in an area i knew no one.. which also ment leaving my job behind too. at first my feet didnt touch the ground my entire time was spent protecting my girls and having to re adjust to living of.... practically nothing. i spent everyday in the park, swimming baths or library or trailing charity shops letting my girls buy a treasure which they loved but i felt so bad i as i thought i could not provide for them but i realise now .... we do our children need love more than anything else and that costs nothing. find fun in things like making stuff with boxes and painting together join a mums group so your daughter can play with other kids.... make the best of a bad situation and find reward in doing just that.... it makes you realise not what a failure you are but infat what an amazing mum you can be. you will come out the other side i promise.... i have and i look back and remember not what i could not give my children but what i did.

Michelle - posted on 07/06/2009

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first list your bills get your budget together figure where to cut *things like eating out internet cable etc can go for a while if you need to pay your bills* if you think the downness is more go see a doctor

Natalie - posted on 07/06/2009

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Where abouts in NZ do you live? I'm in Auckland. I'm 25 and I have a daughter thats 3 in November. It can be hard going from adult conversations to toddler talk! Honestly you just need to get out of the house for abit, its amazing what some fresh air and jumping in puddles can do for you. Having a budget for everything (including for fun stuff) gives you a sense of control over things. Once a month I get a $11 bus day pass which allows you to catch any stagecoach bus and ferry. We go to Devonport for the day. Its really fun. There are also parks all over the place. Check you local indoor pools too our one charges $3.50 for parent and child. Also once a month mum looks after the lil one and I go out with friends to the movies, tin pin bowling, karaoke that sort of thing. Kia Kaha it will all work out.

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Sit down and play with her, tea parties, she could "dress up" in your clothes and pretend shes a big girl, girly activities. We have movie night here, we have several kids movies that our kids like and once in a while I will buy popcorn and other snacks to munch on, since shes three you could watch some kids tv shows as a movie night (or a book reading night) and just cuddle together.



Have or make some time for yourself though, ask your husband to watch her and do something you enjoy, read a book or something you enjoy by yourself, and dont beat yourself up if you need to cry, crying is good and can help you to work things out. If your worried about her seeing you just let daddy watch her while you go off for some alone time.

Lorraine - posted on 07/05/2009

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Thank you! you both just showed me what is most important! Its nice to know that there are people out there who will take the time to help how they can! Thank you.

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Keep your head up and stay strong. I remember when times was tough in my life I would tell my husband to take the kids, and I would go on a walk, just talking to myself, uplifting my self. During those walks I would hear God telling me that I was a good mother, to stand strong in the fight of my life, I would also hear Him say that if you can't do nothing at all right now, just stand. So I charge you to stand, look at the positive, your family is healthy no one has passed on or died, take a walk and have your husband watch your children, and see what you hear..........You are obviously a strong woman, you have a daughter, and having daughter makes you strong, trust, mines is 5 and i have on armor all the time....take care and be blessed my sista, a turn around is comming faster than you think............I'm praying for you:)

Sabrina - posted on 07/05/2009

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Times are tough but you just have to get a budget together. That way you can save money and do something big at the end of each month. But in the mean time look around at different places. Like I found some children museums that are local and only cost $3, also some of the smaller zoos around are cheapier than the bigger ones. We like to take the kids to the park on weekends and there are also some parks tha fountains for the kids to play in. To them its just like going to a waterpark only free. And starting these things at a young age is good she doesnt know any better and she will appreciate things more. I have six kids and my mom lives with us. So money can be very tight. But my kids ar not deprived in any way. Dont worry as long as the bills are paid and your family is together, healthy and happy thats all that matters. Dont look at the material things to think your daughter has to be happy. She is happy to have her mommy and daddy.

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