SAME SEX BREAK UP

Ayisha - posted on 09/19/2009 ( 38 moms have responded )

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ok ..i`m in a same sex relationship i`m plaining to leave my girlfriend so should i let her see the baby?

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Jessica - posted on 09/21/2009

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Quoting Stormy:

Well I can't give you the addvice that you would want to hear because I dn't beleve in same sex relationship or same sex marrige, so iam not going to be much help. I think it should be ONE MAN ONE WOMAN, no ifs ands or buts about it.



i believe she was asking for help with her situation, not your opinion on her lifestyle choice. why would you even respond if you have nothing of substance to contribute?

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Rana - posted on 09/23/2009

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I've been in this situation also.. when my son was 6 months old, I decided to leave my girlfriend (we had been together for 7 years).. At first, the idea of leaving him with her broke my heart. But 2.5 years down the track, I am so glad that Xavier has a good relationship with his 'other mother' and he stays with her 2 nights a week.

I think, like everyone else, that if she was there throughout the pregnancy and the birth and it was a decision you made together, then it should be her right to be involved in his life.

Lara - posted on 09/23/2009

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Does she love the baby? Do you now consider the baby 'ours' or 'mine'? Is she a positive role model in it for the long run or is she the type to loose interest in the baby if she starts a new relationship?

If she loves this baby and has a parent/child attachement why would you not let her see the baby?

If its your baby and you guys have not been serious or together very long and they're not bonded then it depends on how complicated visits will be.

Candace - posted on 09/23/2009

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Quoting Stormy:

Well I can't give you the addvice that you would want to hear because I dn't beleve in same sex relationship or same sex marrige, so iam not going to be much help. I think it should be ONE MAN ONE WOMAN, no ifs ands or buts about it.



was this really beccessary?? if you do not believe in what this post is about, you should not have commented.

April - posted on 09/22/2009

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i say like everyone else it is going to be your decision in the long run. Think about what is right for the baby. Follow your heart in this situation and good luck

Cindy - posted on 09/22/2009

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Quoting Stormy:

Well I can't give you the addvice that you would want to hear because I dn't beleve in same sex relationship or same sex marrige, so iam not going to be much help. I think it should be ONE MAN ONE WOMAN, no ifs ands or buts about it.



Hi there..



 



First and foremost to this quote - Totally not called for!! this is a room to chat about mothers in similar situations, not to bag someones sexual orientation! if you had a problem, why would you even bother replying to this thread?? The person OBVIOUSLY is asking for help...she does not need to be attacked...Shame on you Stormy!!! - if u feel so strongly about it..just keep comments like that to yourself!



 



And to you Ayisha :) Well it really does depend on the situation - how u got pregnant..if you soon to be ex-girlfriend was involved in the decision and maybe you should ask if she wants to see the baby afterwards ..I really don't know what to say to be honest..you have to think about your baby , and whether or not she would be a good influence in her life - just because you may not love her anymore she still may be a supportive person to have around.



 



I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do xx

Andrea - posted on 09/22/2009

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It depends on what note you left the break up on. You can't expect a harsh breakup to lead to joyful reunion around a new born. If she is that important in your life together or not let it be known you value a great friendship.

Lyndsay - posted on 09/22/2009

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Okay first of all I think you really need to clarify the situation. Is it your baby that you had with a man, and she's been acting the role of the other parent? Or is it her baby too, through whatever methods are available to same-sex couples these days? Because I think if its not her child then theres no reason for her to see him, which is more or less the same stance I would take with a heterosexual relationship.

Jenniffer - posted on 09/22/2009

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Hey there what the firstthing that came to my mind is make a parent plan have a lawer sign it or get it noterized. Then its all on paper she cant use the baby to get to you it is what it is. You two will find out what works you have already taken a big step by being iin a same sex relationship and being parents. remember that the baby will need both of you to grow and be healthy.

Marjorie - posted on 09/22/2009

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Quoting Jessica:



Quoting Stormy:

Well I can't give you the addvice that you would want to hear because I dn't beleve in same sex relationship or same sex marrige, so iam not going to be much help. I think it should be ONE MAN ONE WOMAN, no ifs ands or buts about it.






i believe she was asking for help with her situation, not your opinion on her lifestyle choice. why would you even respond if you have nothing of substance to contribute?






i agree why would you respond to a question wit no answer. i think that you should do what is right if the situation is happy let it stay happy if there's too much drama than try to reduce that as much as possible

Mellody - posted on 09/22/2009

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Quoting Stormy:

Well I can't give you the addvice that you would want to hear because I dn't beleve in same sex relationship or same sex marrige, so iam not going to be much help. I think it should be ONE MAN ONE WOMAN, no ifs ands or buts about it.




Love is Love. Just because she's with a woman doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to have a healthy relationship. If she is with a woman and they choose to make a life together, love each other and have children, what right do you have to say she's wrong.

So she's not attracted to men, what is she supposed to do?. Live her life alone.??

Beside the point of that, If you don’t believe in same sex relationships. then why would you even say anything?? if you feel that you cant put your difference of opinion aside and give some meaningful advice, then don’t say anything at all. Don’t try and make her feel bad about her life style just because you don’t agree with it. when will people stop being so narrow minded??



AS for the problem at hand, i agree with everyone who believes it depends on the circumstances. If she had a positive role. and loved your child, and the child returns these feelings then i believe that you should put your feelings about your soon to be ex girlfriend aside. don’t hurt your baby just because you feel negatively towards your partner. If however you feel that this woman will be a negative influence on your child. you have all the right in the world to keep her away. Because in that case, you are protecting you child from someone who is potentially harmful.



And if your gf/ex is the child’s legal guardian/parent what have you, then as much as you’d like to keep her away, she does have the right to see the child.( thank goodness i never put my ex's name on the birth certificate)

think about the child first. your a mother now. you have to put your child before you. if you feel that your decision to keep your gf/ex away will negatively affect your child then i think you need to consider other options. if you feel comfortable, set up time where your child can be with her, and you don’t have to be around. if not maybe set up supervised visitation. its a lot of work, but if you feel strongly about your decision then you have to be the adult and do what’s necessary to keep both you and your child happy.

Hope this helps.!! Good luck :)

Kate - posted on 09/21/2009

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Is this you and her child? or is this a child that was prior to yall relationship because you didn't mention that here. If it was prior to your relationship you have no obligation to let her see the child. However, if this is a child that you two decided to have together then yes you should let her see the child and you have to just allow her to spend time with the baby not you.

Jessica - posted on 09/21/2009

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first....sorry for the break up...it can't be easy.

i think it depends on her role in the babies life. did you two decide to have a child together, use a donor and go through the whole process together? or did you get pregnant without her and just happen to be in a relationship with her? if she was a part of the conception, then she would be another parent in the situation and she should be allowed to see the baby, but if it is your child and she has no connection, then it's really got to be what you think is best for everyone. there are so many factors to take into consideration! i hope it works out well for you and everyone involved! good luck! :)

Felicia Neikolle - posted on 09/21/2009

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You can always set up parameters to ensure that you don't have to deal with her if you are concerned with drama and/or her trying to get back with you. If you have concerns on her seeing the baby alone b/c you fear she won't do well with him/her ... that's a different story. If you don't have any legitimate concerns for the BABY's well-being with her then there is no reason to withhold the baby from her. Like I said, if you have concerns about the possibility for drama, have her get the baby from your mom or a mutual friend to where you don't have to be there and she doesn't have access to you. That's the best advice I can offer right now.

Stormy - posted on 09/21/2009

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Well I can't give you the addvice that you would want to hear because I dn't beleve in same sex relationship or same sex marrige, so iam not going to be much help. I think it should be ONE MAN ONE WOMAN, no ifs ands or buts about it.

Katie - posted on 09/21/2009

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I think it would depend on her role in the childs life. If you went through the pregnancy together and she was the other parent then she probably feels as though it's her child too. However if she was someone that you got with afterwards and you don't concider her to be you childs other mother (so to speak) then it would be the same as any couple that broke up when one of the parties had a kid. The child wouldn't be hers. Make sense?

Stevie - posted on 09/21/2009

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well im not sure did you guys "have" the baby together like did you get pregnanat while with her in whatever way i think as long as she was good and loving then carry on like you were getting a divorce with a man whos the babys father and treated the baby well do what you feel is right though

Sherri - posted on 09/21/2009

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Of course you should let her see her. Unless you think she is a bad parent. If she is a good parent then dont put your self into a bad place of not letting her...

Kaamilah - posted on 09/21/2009

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why not has she been a supporting role in the babies life. I am in a same sex relationship too. & i know i would if that were to happen.

Emma - posted on 09/21/2009

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If she was a man and the father of the baby would you even be asking this question, a man could just as easily use the baby to get to you but you would never stop a good dad seeing a child so dont stop your girlfriend!! So long as she is a good parent let her, you will have to sort out your personal issues separatly from anything to do with the child, im sure you both want the best for he/she!! xx

Lin - posted on 09/21/2009

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It would depend on the circumstances of the breakup. If she was emotionally/physically abusive or if you feel your child or she don't have much of a relationship (for your child's age), no. However, if she was your partner in the child-raising aspect of your life and you feel she is just as much of a parent to your child, then she should be allowed to continue that relationship with your child.

Once both of you have come to terms with your breakup and if you do choose to let her see your child, I'd set some boundaries for both of you for your child, especially in regard to your fear of her using the child to get under your skin.

Charlie - posted on 09/21/2009

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Yes , let her see the baby she is a parent too and deserves to see the baby .
I think if you went into it together then you have to parent together even if you aren't partners anymore , leave your problems together out of it , your bubba shouldn't have to suffer .
I hope you sort it out : )

Chanel - posted on 09/19/2009

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how old is the child?? i dnt c y not just depends on the circumstances up breaking up on. up 2 u wateva makes u feel right

Christina - posted on 09/19/2009

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If she is a good parent too that child than why would you consider not letting her see the baby? If she is a good parent than it will rip her hart out too take that baby from her,not too mention how will the child feel thats what is important the child dosent deserve it !!!!!!!!!!!

[deleted account]

If I was in your shoes I would definintley let her see the child as both you and your girlfriend are the childs parents.

Is your girlfriend on the childs birth certificate? generally when people are in a same sex relationship the parent who is not a biological parent has the same rights as one who is. If that makes sense.

I wish you all the best with this!

Lois - posted on 09/19/2009

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Well, honestly if there is a father that is involved obviously that would be good too. I don't think her seeing or not seeing the baby is going to be easy you have to do what is best for you and the baby. Everyone could give you advise all day long but at the end of the day honestly none of us have to walk in your shoes. Be led and not driven. Allow God to be your guide. People can sometimes talk out of emotion which often helps us make decisions that are not necessarily always the best. Be blessed!

[deleted account]

Ayisha Walker- if you feel like she will use the baby 2 get you, that is something you need to deal with, the child should not suffer....

just remember its not just YOUR intrest its the BABY best intrest!!!!!

Lois - posted on 09/19/2009

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I think with in you, you already know it totally depends on where your at in your life. Your direction is going to determine your next move.

MANDY - posted on 09/19/2009

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i still think u should let her see the baby...both need to be adults and neither need to use the baby for anyones gain. if she does try to use the baby to get back to you then u can rethink things. but i wouldnt keep the baby from her bc of an assumption that u have.

Kelli Jo - posted on 09/19/2009

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If you believe that then you must handle the situations appropriately. Be firm in the fact that the relationship is over but you still would like her to be involved... or however your feeling. All of us are just giving you suggestions and some insite on how we feel on the subject, but at the end of the day hun, you are the one with the final say. Good luck on your decision and hang in there.

Kelli Jo - posted on 09/19/2009

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I believe whole heartedly that you should let her see the baby, unless she isn't a stable person. I mean really, has she abused your or done things that are so awful that she isn't good enough to be "involved"?? She was there through is all with you right? Give it some thought. Put yourself in her shoes and see how you might feel...

MANDY - posted on 09/19/2009

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yea...what r the circumstances? was she there throughout the pregnancy, since the baby was born was she the parent involved, why wouldnt u want her to see the baby?

Jodi - posted on 09/19/2009

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I definately believe you should. Same sex or not, she's a parent (or so I'm assuming) to the baby too! Like Julie said, how would you feel if the shoe were on the other foot? I don't know anything about the entire situation, but I'll just assume you've been together for awhile and she has probably grown attatched to and loves the baby just as much as you do. (Although I very well could be wrong.) Best of luck and when all else fails, do what's best for your baby!

Samantha - posted on 09/19/2009

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I would have 2 agree here. She was there with u thru everything....She has just as much of a right to the child as u do.

[deleted account]

yes i do believe so?? WHY would you not let her see that baby? Is a bad parent?

If she is not a bad parent put yourself in that prediciment, would u appreciate her doing that to you and would that HURT you alot,,, imagine just how she's gonna feel.

Bit unfair!!

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