Second Pregnancy at 20 years old. need help telling My Dad!!!!

Curi - posted on 10/07/2010 ( 71 moms have responded )

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Ok so i got pregnant right out of high school. i was happy i made it past high school! so NO ONE supported us from my side of the family, it was all criticism and no CONGRATS! it was all we are sp disappointed in you and putting me down instead of supporting me through the process. Now, prengant again, this one was def. not planned. Happened to happen because doc said that i need to stop BC to fix my periods, because they were making them worse and worse. He wanted my body to basically fix itself after having natalia. sooooo. Im preg. again, I am very excited because i love holding my baby and just loving on it. WHich i cannot do with Nat anymore. Anyways. My brother found out through facebook, and im pretty sure he told my mom because i had not gained weight before she asked. She has criticized me already about not being married. She says if i dont start telling people she will do it for me which i told her that it is NOT her place to say shit. We were not sure whether to tell people or not because we were not sure that i would survive the delivery so we were figuring out our options. Now, all the basic people know EXCEPY my dad. I know he does not support my relationship with Jim and would like to see me find someone different, but i do love him a TON and he loves me too. (Not married because we do NOT want to get married JUST because of having children) ANYWAYS AGAIN, i want some advice on how to tell him about the second, For Nat we went to dinner and Jim blerted it out, and we knew he would not freak out in public. I just basically want him to know without all the opinions i know everyone has about life and us. I want to just text him and say DADDY! ready to have another grandchild! but Jim says thats RUDE and i know it is but i just want someway to NOT hear the BS and just let people know. I know the only way the opinions will not be heared and everyone will keep their mouths shut is if jim tells them and i want somehow to get the GUTS to do it myself...need some opinions and suggestions! HELP! :'(

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Brianna - posted on 10/07/2010

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wow cant believe ur family is being like that! and ur mom saying if u dont start telling people she will! like that is not her place! i got preggo at 20 and was not married. thankfully his and my family supported us. We did get married this summer which was totally are decision are family didnt pressure us at all. i say who cares what ur family thinks after all it doesnt sound ike they are worth ur time. familys are supposed to support eachother no matter what not hurt eachother

September - posted on 10/07/2010

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You're an adult...just tell him. Regardless if he agrees or not he is your father and IMO should still love and support you and if he can't than that just sad. If your family is having a hard time supporting your choices then find some good friends that will support you. I'm here if you ever want to talk. Just shoot me a message. Hang in there girly!

Brittany - posted on 10/08/2010

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First off CONGRATS!I am 20 i have an almost 9mth old and prego 7weeks prego again...we are every excited...After the birth of our first son My Fiance's family would always tell us that we arent "allowed" to have anymore kids of 5 years....we of course knew it would be way sooner than that(we wanted our kids ages close) but when we came out to tell them I was prego again so soon they flipped and called us stupid and stopped talking to us for awhile...his brother also went as far as to call me a useless slut(cuz im a stay at home mommy).....My advice is that your 20 you can make your own choices(tell your father that) It is your life your not under his roof.....And whatever he says about that(I know its hard) but dont let it get to you, your bring a beautiful life into the world there is not reason to be upset! Hope all goes well and Congrats again!

Jayde - posted on 10/07/2010

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Congrats on pregnancy &as with telling him the sooner you say it the sooner you feel better. It will be on your mind until you do it. May be you just need to let him have his opinion (even though you dont want to hear it) & when he's finished say i understand you have a problem (or he might not be so bad) but i would really like your support in this & just wanted to tell you because your my father. Good luck hun :)

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Just tell him, if he doesn't like it that's his problem. And I really don't mean this in a nasty way but I suggest in future you either don't take notice of what your doctor says and stay on birth control or use a condom. You will need the help of your family with two children and they should be willing to do so. It's great that you havn't just gotten married because you have children because a lot of those types of marriages end in divorce. Don't give up and keep positive.

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Amber - posted on 11/06/2012

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I would suggest to sit him down and tell him face to face, maybe in private, even though he might freak out a little bit, because then you guys can talk about it, and not have to worry about other people listening to your conversation. Plus, maybe he could just say what he needs to say to get it off his chest. Oh, I just wanted to tell you, I respect that your not married. Alot of people give me hell because my boyfriend and I aren't married, but have twin boys together, and I tell them the same thing. I'm not going to get married just because we have children together, or because people think we should... That just ends up in divorce most of the time. But yeah, back to your situation. I would speak to him face to face, like an adult. He might not approve, but, to be honest, there's not really not much he can do now.. He might take it better then getting the news in a text message. Well, congrats, and hope everything goes well. With telling your dad, and throughout your pregnancy.

Barbara - posted on 11/03/2012

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This is really hard. Can you try to fast forward in your life just a little? Imagine 16 years down the road with your first child comes to you and tries to tell you what you want to tell your mom and dad. I think with sincere effort you might be able to put yourself in their shoes. Parents who love their children realize that we can't protect them from all of the worlds issues. We just want to love them and guide them to sensible choices. I don't want to be harsh with you, but it seems to me that you didn't make a responsible, mature decision about continuing an intimate relationship when you were taken off the pill for other medical reasons. That said, the BS is going to fly and I can see no clear alternative but to endure it. I certainly wouldn't text this information to your dad or mom. I'd want the baby's father present (for support), and I'd want both of your parents in their home for a quiet conversation. Be prepared for their disbelief, their disappointment (this is very hard to conceal when a parent isn't ready to hear it), maybe even some judgement. Be sensitive in how you handle this, be prepared for fall out. If they are loving grandparents to your first child, chances are they will come around and be the loving grandparents for baby #2 as well. Keep in mind that actions have consequences and how you approach this issue, how maturely you handle the coming weeks and months will speak more clearly to your parents than any words you speak now.

Jelissa - posted on 10/14/2010

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i know exactly how you feel i am 20 with three and my family was extremely judgemental and you know after my second one i just didnt give a damn anymore no one is going to take care of them so no one should have anything to say is how i feel about the situation i still get judged by many many different people but i dont ask anyone for anything and no one has had to take care of my kids i think that i have done good being so young with three kids i have a good job i pay my bills on time and my kids love me i say just tell him all he can do is listen and if he doesnt like it along with your other family members oh well its nice to have the support of your family but sometimes family members can be very negative and when the baby comes they are all going to love on it and be so happy that the child is here so their comments really dont mean much go for it! ;-)

Carol - posted on 10/14/2010

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If i were in ur shoes i would tell them how they made u feel in the past and now. then tell them ur pregnant again and very happy and wish they would b more supportive parents and grandparents. this may not b the life they chose 4 u, but this is where u want 2 b right now and they need to let u find ur own way. Good luck with everything and i am glad ur man is extremely supportive for u :)

Ashaleen - posted on 10/14/2010

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hello...well i believe you should just sit down with your father and ur husdand at some place if you dont feel comfortabale at home and let you dad know that you are a grown women and you things are going to happen regardless of what anyone says or do but not in that mean attitude way but let your dad know that you do care about him and his feelings but you have to learn for your self and that you want him to be apart of you life and his grandchildren but just because you and your husband are having another child doesnt mean he can not talk to you let him know that he doesnt have to agree with you but he should support you.........and hear his side and how he feels cuz everyone takes things diffenetly but just being open and honest with him is the best thing to do is to understand each other.....but just because you guys understand each other doesnt mean you have to agree with each other....just think about it this way : SAY WHAT YOU MEAN.......MEAN WHAT YOU SAY.....BUT DONT SAY IT MEAN i'm not trying to tell you you have to say anything u dont want and i'm not trying to yell cuz i know sometime when people put things in capitol letters they think you are yelling but i just want you to really see it and not over look it.......but i hoope u get wat i mean and i hope things turn out for the best keep everyone posted :)

Chelsea - posted on 10/14/2010

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You need to get the confidence to do it. This is your life and you can do what you want. If you choose to have another child then that is your choice. As long as you can support it that is. He is your father and if he truly loves you then he will forgive you in time. Hang in there!

Jordan - posted on 10/14/2010

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Do what i did, it seemed to work, oh and im 24, living on my own, pregnant with my second from my fiancee(ok both are from him), fully employed but coz my dad i hella strict i knew he'd flip so i said "daddy, first promise u wont shout,(after he said ok, what?), i said i dont need u to shout or whatever because i've done enough of it to myself, im pregnant again... it wasnt planned and i dont know how it happened because we were being careful but its happened,(cried so he could see how upset i was) and im sorry." He said... "Well, i guess every baby is a gift from God and all we can do is embrace and accept the gift and be thankful for it.

No screaming, no swearing or whatever and no im disappointed in u. All because of the way i told him. Another thing is probably that he knows we can provide for our children so we wont be a burden on him.

Moral of the story: its in the way you tell him. Be aware that he may be upset and instead of u shouting back, just apologize for disappointing him and believe me, once he gets over the shock, he'll be ok with u and the baby, oh and by the way congrats!

Leesha - posted on 10/14/2010

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i was 16 when i got pregnant with my 1st my parents were fuming insisted that i had a abortion well i didnt then when my daughter was 3 months i i was 18 i found out i was 12 pregnant again my parents told me they would disown me if i kept it well i kept it and my parents now love my kids to bits

Emily Jane - posted on 10/13/2010

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im in the same position as you...and my family isnt acceoting of me alough im married in our own house and we supply everything for ourselves...we seem to not get the same respect as we'd like...when me and my husband found out we decided to only tell the people who would really take an interest and care about our choice to have the baby..becides all of that..your family should NOT critise you for not being married! that has nothing todo with having children at all..if your in a loving relationship or even single..a child has no deffence in it and anyone mature enough would realise that..after me and my husband got rideculed for having another child so close together ( 3.5 years later)...we decided that the best thing was no to tell them anything about the pregnancy unless they were going to be respectful of our choice and be happy for us..thats what familys are there for..not to be nasty to you guys..
best of luck and hope everything turns around for you

Gracie - posted on 10/13/2010

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WOW first off i just wanna say that im sorry your family is not supportive of you, you dont have to be married to be good parents and love your children..i like you got pregnant right after graduation (i was married tho) i had my first baby april of 2009 which was a huge shock to my parents because my sister was pregnant too but they loved the fact and supported me a lot because i was goin thru some really difficult times with the in laws, but then when my son was 9 months old i got pregnant again which was an even bigger shock since my parents thought i was on birth control but they were once again supportive of me,,,i would recommend u just out n tell them..i wish u luck n hope u recieve more support if not from family find some supportive friends bcuz raisin a toddler n newborn is not easy,,very rewarding but not easy

Ashley - posted on 10/13/2010

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well your father and everyone else
should be happy for you if they really do love u

Callie - posted on 10/13/2010

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Congratulations, but you are 20 and I'm sorry but have you ever heard of a condom? If you didn't want another one you should have wrapped it up. This may be TMI but every time me and my husband have sex we wrap it up. We have a beautiful daughter same as you but we are being smart about it. I had a hard life with my parents having 7 kids that they couldn't afford. Yes we will never be able to afford kids but, we can avoid having another one when we dont want one right now. Just tell him he needs to know. Better now than later and to late!

Samantha - posted on 10/13/2010

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it took me a while to be able to tell my parents that i was having my second because i knew they would be mad because i had my first when i was sixteen and second at eighteen but i was in the car one day and it slipped to my mom about it she was completely fine about it hink alot of the time we overact about things that arent so bad

Dorothy - posted on 10/13/2010

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i know how you feel coz i was pregnant with my 3rd baby at 19yrs and gave birth 2 months after i turned 20yrs and my dad wasn't happy about it but he did support and still is even though i am on my 5 pregnancy at the age of 26 so hang in there he will come round good luck

Charity - posted on 10/13/2010

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I'm sorry you have to go through this. I was raised to wait until I got married to have sex but I didn't. When I was 26 I got pregnant and I was not married. I was 6 months pregnant when I found out. That's another story for another day. My mom was disappointed but she and everyone else thought I had waited till then to tell them. I had to explain everything before they would believe me. I was NOT hiding anything from them. I really didn't know I was pregnant. All that to say, I know it's hard to deal with the disappointment and criticism. But it's harder to deal with it if you keep it from them for too long. My mom has 6 kids and 3 of us have had children outside of wedlock. It's a disappointment to her but she says "Babies are blessings no matter what. I would rather you had a baby than be addicted to drugs or alcohol." She loves all her grand babies equally. Not everyone is as fortunate as I am. But my point is this, tell your family to avoid hurting them more. And if their criticism is too hard to deal with then maybe it's best that you don't have any contact with them.
Find an environment that you feel safe in. If you feel safer telling them in public then do that. Do what is best for you. This is your baby and your life. But tell them face to face. I had to tell my mom on the phone because I lived in a different state. It took forever to get it out. I was so scared. But you can do this. You are a grown adult and the only person who has to answer for your life is you. NOT your parents, family and friends.
And you can tell them flat out, I need to say something but if you can't say anything nice then don't speak at all. And then just say it "i'm pregnant and we are very excited about this new baby" If they start to criticize then just get up and leave. They are your family but that's exactly why you have the right to say how you feel and then leave. If they can't respect you then you don't need to be around them. It's unhealthy for you. And you can tell them, if you want to see your grand children, keep your negative comments to yourself.
Hope this helps.

Heather - posted on 10/13/2010

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I had my first daughter when I was 16 (a Freshman in High School). My family accepted it right away because they have strong values about being responsible for your own actions. They always told me since I was old enough to make the decision to have sex I was old enough to take the responsibility of being a mother. My now husband was 15 when our daughter was born and his parents werent as happy about it. His dad even treatened to kick him out of the house if I was pregnant. Things worked out fine though and now we are married and have been for 3 years and have since had a second daughter. We were together for 7 years before we decided to get married and I think that is fine as long as you get along even if you dont stay together. If you believe that things will work out they will. I was afraid to tell my parents when I got pregnant with my first because it happened during the summer between middle and high school. They didnt find out until I was almost 4 months pregnant because I didnt gain weight very fast in the beginning. Just sit down with him and explain that you werent planning on getting pregnant again so fast but things dont always turn out the way you want them too. And that you are happy and ready for the responsibility and would love his blessing even though it will be hard for him at first, he will come around and be happy for you. The longer you wait to tell him the harder it will be to get him to understand. And as long as you are happy and able to take care of both your children your dad will come around and be happy for you. It may just take a little bit of time. Hang in there though and things will be okay.

Sacha - posted on 10/12/2010

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tell him straight out this is his grandchild he needs to get over it nd grow up...its happening whether he likes it or not...explain to him how you feel and that he cant disapprove now and be fine with it in time it just doesnt work like that...

Stephani - posted on 10/12/2010

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Ok the adult thing to do would be to just go to your dad and tell him what's going on. I fully believe that you should NOT get married just because of children. I'm 27 now but I was 20 when I got pregnant with my son and my mom said all of the same things to me. I chose not to get married and lucky I didn't because I am not with my sons dad and I found the love of my life 2 1/2 yrs ago and we are married now. My advice to you is to just go see him alone and tell him and get it over with.

Nichole - posted on 10/12/2010

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You need to tell your "mom" to back off. This is your special bundle of news to tell people.
You just need to tell him...if he loves you then he will be there for you and baby. Trust me marriage is not all that...I was married for 3 years before I got pregnant and my ex walked out and never came back. So just because you are married doesnt mean he will stick around.
So I dont think that he will leave considering you have one bundle of joy already. Just tell granddad anyway you want it will be remeberable anyway you do it. Be happy and joyful of new baby. Congrats and good luck

Candi - posted on 10/12/2010

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I got pregnant when I was 17. My parents were very strict and my boyfriend was 24. Needless to say, we were scared out of our minds to tell my parents. When we did, I apologized because I was not honoring them or their beliefs by getting pregnant out of wedlock. I think the way you decide to tell him depends on how you want your relationship to be with him in the future. If you go to him and just be honest and humble in the way you tell him, it seems like that's all you can do. If he still doesn't treat you with respect, then he will be missing out on precious time with his grandchildren. I guess all I can say is hang in there, and cherish those little kiddos of yours!

Stacey - posted on 10/12/2010

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HI i have been in your shoes 3 times. I feel pregnant unplanned when i was 17 and had my oldest baby 1 mth and 5 days before i turned 18 i then feel pregnant straight away with my 2nd and had him the following january (10 mths after 1st) i then feel pregnant 18mths later and had another baby.
My parents think i can find someone else that my finace isnt worth the air he breaths which i think is a shame because i love him to death and back again. Because my parents don't get along with my hubby we do not speak, they do not get the nteraction with the children and it'd due to there not accepting.

You have nothing to be sorry about and shouldn't have to apoligise for ANYTHING it's not like you did it on purpose or to mess there lives up.

If you wanna talk feel free to pm me. Hugs to you and hubby for sticking up for yourselves.

Ashley - posted on 10/12/2010

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i was seriously in the same boat as u i graduated got pregnant at 18 had her at 19 then got pregnant again and had her at 20 then one at 22 and now pregnant with another one and i will be 23 when i have this one all u can do is just set him down and tell him not to start talking till u are done with what u have to say then tell him that ur pregnant and u dont really want him upset bout it but its done and theres nothing that can be done bout it u cant turn back time to change things and even if u could u probably wouldnt anyways but be sure to let him know that if u dont like what he is saying or if he tryies to start fighting with u that u always have the right to lieave and not listen to it even though he is ur father he has no right to disrespect u you can listen to his opions and advice and take it all accordingly

Jessica - posted on 10/12/2010

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Not sure if this is going to help but i am sure he loves being a grandpa even though he may not agree...My husband and i had wrote on my daughters onsie that she would be a big sister...Try doing something like that when you bring your daughter to see him! Good luck

Tamara - posted on 10/12/2010

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There's nothing to say sorry having a baby is a gifted congrats by the way :) your all adults just go round to the house and talk and say were having another baby say I not looking for your blessing just want you to be happy for us cause your my father and I love you dearly

Caity - posted on 10/12/2010

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Problem is, is that everyone has an opinion. Specially family members. I know how you feel. I got pregnant before I even finished high school and it was tough. I sure didn't get any congratulatory high fives! and it was really hard for me to deal with the fact that my family (specially my Dad) couldn't ever look at me the same way. But after 6 years of parenting and a lot of growing up i realise this....it's no-one's decision but you and your mate. Its your body and your life...you are the one who will be getting up in the middle of the night to feed and to be the parent to that little baby...you are not asking your Dad to do that! So if he cant deal with your choice, well then that is his loss. What else can you do. He is going to react however he is going to react and no matter which way you tell him...he will feel that way. I think the first thing you should do is to be confident in your choice to have this baby! Confident in your ability to parent and once you feel those things...you wont care as much about his opinion. Be the best Mom you can be and the others will fall behind you eventually! Hope this helps a bit! I know I didn't tell you what to say to him, but maybe just start with the truth and the rest...well if it's BS...don't stay to listen to it! Best of luck!!!

Geraldine - posted on 10/11/2010

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YOUR AN ADULT JUST TELL HIM IF THERE UNHAPPY ABOUT ANOTHER GRANDCHILD ITS THERE LOSS AS LONG AS YOU AND YOUR BOYFRIEND ARE HAPPY WHO CARES ITS NOT THERE PLACE TO JUDGE

Kasandra - posted on 10/11/2010

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You are an adult, does he buy your diapers, food or pay your bills? If not then he has absolutely NO say..I would understand if he was supporting you, ur kid and ur man, but he isn't? He should just be blessed he gets grandchildren. They can be taken away so fast. My niece passed away last yr at almost 5 months old. He should be grateful.

Katherine - posted on 10/11/2010

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i know how u feel i told my parents by showing them an ultra sound pic it was bad the whole pregnancy with the things they would say to me but i had no where to go and my sons father left when i was a month pregnant and never helped ... but i think ur dad will get over it after the baby is here thats how my parents are and love my son so much so just do it yourself that we he has more respect because you did it on your own

Natalia - posted on 10/11/2010

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i took was a young mom i had Julia just 3 days shy of my 21 birthday! I on the other HAD to get married to my ex-husband. It just how it was in my family i would tell him he probably already knows anyhow. Now at 32 and still single i had to grow up real fast. Never really had the support of my parents they pushed well more like bullied me into doing thing that i didnt want to do. But i love my kids and love being a mom and in the end thats all that matters

Lindsey - posted on 10/11/2010

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hey its ur life hun not ur familys so what if u had ur baby at a early age i had my first daughter wen i was 17 but i was pregnant at 16 so who cares cos all i thought at that time was this is my family now me my girl n my ex chap iv now got 4 kids and i am only 25 but no more 4 me but weather ur dad/family stands by u or not there still ur babies hun if u dont want t tell him then dont if u do then go 4 it hun ur a adult i no where ur comin ffrom coz its the hardest thing t do hun i wo terrifed t do it but i id it hun good lk tho xxxx n p.s am still not maried n dont intend on doin am young still am not readi 4 that just yet xxx

Ashley - posted on 10/11/2010

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Congrats on your pregnancy! Telling your parents can be a hard thing to do especially if they don't agree with you. I would find a way to tell your dad. He might be more understanding then you think.

Heather - posted on 10/11/2010

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the only thing you can do is just come out with it....just mentally prepare yourself because everybody has an opinion and most feel the need to share it whether we want it or not remember you are an adult and like it or not they will just have to deal and i hate to sound harsh because i know how parents can be but tell him straight out that if he can't handle it without stressing you out then keep it to himself because you and your boyfriend are taking care of your responsibilities so yours is the only opinion which really matters.....and congratulations

Samantha - posted on 10/10/2010

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hey girl, even tho i have never been in ur shoes, i kno many ppl that have. it stinks that ur fam acts the way they do....but heres my advise: 1st: tell ur mom to mind her business, if she nor ur dad agree w/ ur relationship or ur family growth than tell them straight up, ur an adult and u want them in ur kids lives, that they are important but if they keep on with the negativity than ur jus gonna kick em out of ur life (see how that ballon pops!)... besides u really want them to keep on with the same crap for baby #2? ur preggo girl! u need all the luv and support in the world! and 2nd: hurry up and tell him before sumone else does! even tho u shouldn't care wat he thinks or says, we need to be realistic, u do care! obviously! but call him, or go over and jus say hey i kno how u feel about me and baby daddy, i want u to kno hes a gud guy, treats me gud (if thats the case) and i am happy, i want my family to keep growing, and im proud to be a parent, thats way we r havin another baby.... boom. hope it works :/ but dont worry, they luv u, sumtimes parents dont kno how to handle the fact that their kids arent kids anymore... one more advice: learn from this, so u can have a better realtionship w/ ur kids. gud luck!! and congrats! be happy girl, for urself and ur kids!

Brittany - posted on 10/10/2010

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hun iam 22 and have 3 lil girls i know how it feel to have to tell everryone. just tell him the you dont want to marry bc of your babies. and that you are prego. i told my mom over the phone everytime bc i knew even if she hang up on me she would calm down and call me ready when she quit seeing red. good luck

Dehlia - posted on 10/10/2010

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Ok I know what ur going through i got preg with my daughter when i was 17 and my dad moved out and him and my mom split up and then i got preg with my son a year later and i didnt tell my dad he came over my house one day and saw and he got mad but now hw is great with my kids and our relationship is better 2 i am saying just let him know hey dad i think i should be the one to let u know i am preg. again and i hope ur not mad or dissapointed i am an adult and i am supporting them on my own i just need u to be there for me !!

Liz - posted on 10/09/2010

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I went through a similar situation. I got pregnant with my two year old b/g twins when I was 20 and had them when I was 21. My then fiance and I got a lot of criticism about the pregnancy and a bunch of negativity about it. I am 23 now, and in July I just had our third child. He wasn't planned ( was on the pill when we conceived) This one sent major controversy through the family, and people are still looking down at us.

There are certain things I have come to realize through this. 1) There is nothing to apologize to anyone for. Weather or not the child was an accident or not, you are happy about the child and there is nothing anyone can do about it. 2) As hard as it may be, you can't let what people say bother you. It doesn't do any good to you or the baby or your family. and 3) Most importantly if it is something you and your partner really want then go for it. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it.

It was the hardest thing telling our parents the first time around. We were both in another state at college, and stared at our phones for the longest time before we finally got enough courage to make the phone calls. It did get a bit easier the second time around telling them, although we were just as nervous because we didn't know how they were going to take it even though we were married at this point.

All you can really do is tell them this: Look, I'm happy with my life, and the family that we have created. You can either enjoy your grandchildren, or you can continue to criticize me, and not have a place in your grandchild's life. Whether you like it or not we are having another child and there is nothing you can say or do to change it.

Trish - posted on 10/09/2010

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Just be open and honest. It's like what people say..."what you hide, eventually comes out"...So be upfront about it. You got pregnant the 2nd time, nothing to be ashamed about it. And plus every action has a consequence...be it if the family are negative or positive. If you're old enough, adult enough to have kids...you'll be adult enough to handle anything. So be strong and also as long as people have mouths...there will always be talk. So just ignore it...keep your head up and keep living your life.

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Well the sooner you do it, the better it will be. I mean even if he does freak out a little, the sooner you get it off your chest, the more time there is for everyone to chill out a little and think about it properly. I mean you are right, you are an adult and these choices should be made by you and your partner and not anyone else. I mean I have a baby with my partner and we have no intention on getting married any time soon, no matter what anyone says to me. I think it is best to tell in person. And I guess there is nothing they can do to change what YOU want. They will eventually have to accept it. My parents did. ^-^ Wish you the best of luck xx

Denice - posted on 10/09/2010

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hey i got pregnant at 17 and i had to do it on my own you can do it also your an adult now you dont answer to any one .xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx you deside it will be the right choise .xx

Kayla - posted on 10/09/2010

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so i have to agree! I was actually in this same situation, well kinda my sons dad is alot older then i am and i got pregnant when i was 18 and had him at 19, so my mom wanted nothing to do with me or the baby at first, because she didn't agree...now i am married to another man and i am pregnant again with my 2nd, my mom HATED my husband...untill i told her she kinda had to grow up and deal with it! she was stuck with my decision...simply because its my life!! A LOT of my family is not happy because I have moved on with my life and I am not with Nathans dad and i think its just because i am happy! so i feel for ya 100% here!! and btw my dad is completely fine with everything...its my mom, so my advise is dont tell him...and when he asks just tell him well last time all u did was put me down and disrespect me, and mom knew so i thought she told you. i would let your mom tell him, if she is talking like that, most likely shes already told him. good luck girl, and never let ppl get u down bc of ur kids/age..i am 21 next month, with 2 lil ones so i kno...but its your life, they have to let u live it, if you are happy then thats that!! good luck and stay positive!!

Ashley - posted on 10/09/2010

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i understand the situation your in. i was 19 when i got pregnant with my first and 20 when i had her. i was 21 when i got pregnant with my 2nd and 21 when i had her. i had support but my grandparents bad mouthed there dad and wanted me to go after him for child support but i love him he is an amazing father. the problem is we dont have our own place and so i live with them with the girls my oldest is 2 and ive spent 2 years being told what to do and how to raise them! i love my children and whether or not your family supports you in the end its you and you boyfriends decision. we also decided against getting married because we didnt want to tell our oldest that she was the only reason why we got married. i dont think you need to apologize to them not if your family did not support you to being with. it isnt your moms place to tell people your pregnant specially if she dosent know the full situation i also understand that. i was happy with both my kids. and you should also be too no matter what your family says. it will be there loss for saying that and not getting to see there nieces/nephews grandkids grow up!

Erin - posted on 10/09/2010

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I got pregnant with my 1st at 19 and my boyfriend and I lived 3000 miles away from my family. I was scared to death to tell my mom because she did not like my boyfriend (husband now) and she always told me I would just end up pregnant and worthless. So I was terrified even being 3000 miles away. I finally wrote her a letter and sent it to her when I was 5 months pregnant. Well she didn't talk to me for 3 months. But after the baby was born she came around and loves my kids. (I have 3) It took awhile and I even got a lot of negative energy and remarks from her. It took me about 2 years to finally realize that it doesn't matter what she or anyone else says or thinks, it is my life and my children and my choices. It makes it a lot easier when people do support you but you don't NEED them to support you to be happy. We make our own happiness and for a long time it was just me and my husband and our kids. It was hard but a lot less stressful than worrying about what everyone else wants from you. Things are great with my mom now but it did take a few years.

Christina - posted on 10/08/2010

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First off, congrats on baby # 2. Secondly, I'm sorry your family hasn't stood behind you the way they should have. The best way to tell your father in to be honest with him. Call him up and suggest you two meet somewhere. When you two do meet up, don't beat around the bush. Just be as loving as possible and tell him your pregnant with your second child. If he gets mad, then that is his problem. Good luck and once again congrats!

Michelle - posted on 10/08/2010

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i got pregnant like 5 days after graduating high school..i already had plans to move out of my moms house..i couldnt tell her i knew she would flip out..so i moved in with my bf and about 3 months later a bill went to to her house by mistake and she opened it and read it..and it said i was pregnant...thats how my parents found out of my first pregnancy...i am now married and have actually stop contact with my dad..im pregnant again and dont know how to tell them but this one was kinda planned kinda not...but i guess anything is better then through a bill in the mail.

Curi - posted on 10/08/2010

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oh! and thanks for the help, you all helped a LOT! im glad im not the only one with TOUGH families to deal with! some of you made me laugh reading what you put. thank you all!

Curi - posted on 10/08/2010

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I did leave out a few facts... We did use condoms... which are not 100% effective... obviously. Also, i am NOT ashamed or trying to hide it. I still wear the same clothes i did before, tanks, regular T shirts, or whatever. It is quite obvious that I am pregnant.... I'm sure he "KNOWS" buut has not even said anything. The first thing i did when i found out is cry, not because i dont want the baby and not cause im ashamed it was because i did not want to deal with the drama or the shitty comments from the family. His parents have supported us through everything but my parents have not. I just basically tell him i dont give a shit about your opinion im pregnant i thought you should know. but of course not so bitchy or rude sounding. I know its not going to happen but with no one supporting Jim and my relationship for starters its hard to have a relationship together for both of us and its hard to tell them about the progress we make in our relationship. If we got engaged i would be afraid to tell them just for the fact i KNOW they dont support our relationship NOT because i dont want it, which i really really do.

Jodie - posted on 10/08/2010

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BABY GIRL YOU ARE A WOMEN NO MATTER HOW MUCH FREAKING THAT HE WILL DO IN A FEW MONTHS WILL BE TEARS OF JOY. YOUR PARENTS ARE NEVER GOING TO BE HAPPY UNLESS YOU LIVE THE LIFE they WANT FOR YOU. BUT YOU ARE LIVING UNDERSOMEONE GREATER THAN YOUR PARENTS, GOD AND HE MAKES DECISIONS THAT SOMETIMES WE DONT UNDERSTAND BUT IT WILL ALL WORK IN THE END. MY SON WAS BROUGHT TO ME IN HIGH SCHOOL MY MOM INSISTED THAT I WASNT GOING TO GRADUATE AND I WOULDNT EVER BE ANYTHING. NOW I HAVE A DIPLOMA FROM THAT HS I FINISHED AND WITH A 3.7 GPA AND MY MOM WOULDNT EVER ALOW ANYTHING TO HAPPEN TO MY SON HLL I HAVE TO BEG HIM FOR HIM BACK... KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND IF A TEXT IS WHAT MAKES YOU COMFORTABLE TIL YOU HAVE TO SEE HIM THEN DO IT. LET HIM KNOW THAT WAY HE CAN FLIP OUT NOW AND GET OVER IT IN TIME TO LOVE YOUR BELLY AND PREPARE FOR THE JOY!

Christy - posted on 10/08/2010

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hi i was just like u telling my daddy his little girl was having a baby. i was a major daddy's girl. i just sat on the bed and told him and he was disappointed at first but he came around. i lost my dad 4 yrs ago right before my second child was born i was 23. it was soooo hard but i got through it. i know ur situation is diff but try reminding him how precious life is and how luck the 2 of u r to have each other. u know? tell him how much u love him and how important his approval is to u. im sure he just wants more for u than he had and when children come along its not always easy to accomplish those goals u had planned. let him know that u understand that. tell him that without him there to help and support u that life will not be the same. God never gives u more than u can handle and those little babies need their grandpa more than ever these days. the more family around the better. let him know that u will give him time to process the news but just ask him not to say or do anything for a couple days till its set in and hes gottin used to the news. Babies r a precious gift. remind him about when he found out u were coming along. was he and ur mom ready? did they have it all planned out? prob not most people r never ready no matter how much they plan. my husband and i got married 2 yrs after our 1st baby. we were the same as u. didnt want to do it for all the wrong reasons. we loved each other tho. marriage is just the legal term for love. having a family and supporting each other is the true meaning of love so tell him that. u dont have to have a piece of paper to say u two r commited to each other. well i hope some of this or all of it helps u. all situations r diff but it will all work out. just keep urself calm for the babies sake. being upset and stressed all the time is not good for it. best wishes to u and ur family and if u need anything let me know.

April - posted on 10/08/2010

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Tell him, and let the cards fall where they may. I told my dad I was pregnant and he was very pissed off for a while, but as soon as he saw my little girl he melted. Tell your dad, "Dad, I'm pregnant again. It wasn't planned, but I'm not sorry. If you're upset, that's fine. Take some time to cool off and think it through, and maybe when it's had some time to sink in with you, we can get together and talk. But I won't hear anything bad about my relationship. We love each other and we're happy, and that's what should matter to you. Hopefully you can accept my life and your next grandchild, but if not, that's certainly your choice." He'll come around eventually, and if not, well then maybe he doesn't need to be in the lives of his grandchildren. Maybe harsh, but it's the truth.

Kiara - posted on 10/08/2010

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Oh and also - Tell him face to face. I think he'll respect that more than through text message. You can't be worried about his reaction because what's done is done. Now you have to live with it.

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