sex and episiotomy

Katarina - posted on 06/06/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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Hi ladies. just wondering if anyone has any tips on having sex after an episiotomy? I have an 8 week old boy and was given the clean bill of health a few days ago. Really worried. I've heard some horror stories about how painful it can be.

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Brittany - posted on 06/07/2009

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wait! I thought an episiotomy was where you rip and have to get stitches. I'm wrong. Doctor never talked to me about it and I guess since I didn't have one I don't know what it is. What is it?

Liz - posted on 06/08/2009

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You just have to take it slow. Even after a year, if it is the wrong position I let my husband know. After my 1st I could really feel a difference, even after almost 8 years I still hurt every once in awhile.



Liz

www.liz-mytwoloves.blogspot.com

Katarina - posted on 06/06/2009

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It's my first baby. The epi wasn't discussed with me either. It turned into an emergency situation.

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Cheryl - posted on 06/07/2009

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I didn't have an episiotomy but I tore basically from cervix to butt...not fun. Anyway, I found sex pretty awful for the first 3-5 months but did it anyway because I was determined not to let being a mom ruin my sex life. Sounds ridiculous but as a new mom I felt like I had lost control over many areas of my life and that was one that I wanted to hold on to. I recommend going REALLY slow, if it hurts at all stop because if you keep going it is only going to prolong the healing process but if you wait a couple days, that may be all the time you need and you will both be much happier. Also, lots of lubrication, I'm sure your partner will be understanding if you want to try again another time. I actually think that sex is a million times better now because we are so much more open to talking about and after so many times of milk let down in the middle of it and crying babies and "lets hurry and have a quickie while he's napping", you learn to go with the flow and just enjoy what you get. Anyway, good luck!

Tatham - posted on 06/07/2009

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i had one and tore...my son is now 6 1/2 months old and it is still sore..take it slow and use lube..

Danielle - posted on 06/07/2009

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it took me about a year to be comfortable with it. Sometimes it would bother me other times not. (not to sound improper...i would suggest alot of lube for a while.)

Cristina - posted on 06/07/2009

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My son is 9 months old and it still hurts. I had a 3rd degree episiotomy...that means all the way down to your anus. Maybe my husband is larger than normal??? I don't know, his is the only one I've ever seen :)

Stormy - posted on 06/07/2009

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If you are a breast feeder the best advice I can give is to make sure you use some type of lubricant. I recently had a doctor's appointment and this is what he told me since I had an episiotomy and could feel my incision site when my husband I had sex. I guess when you breastfeed the lack of estrogen can make sex painful. Hope this helps...

Kari - posted on 06/07/2009

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Quoting Brittany:

wait! I thought an episiotomy was where you rip and have to get stitches. I'm wrong. Doctor never talked to me about it and I guess since I didn't have one I don't know what it is. What is it?



an episiotomy is where they snip you in an effort to keep you from tearing. sometimes you tear anyway. they can snip you anywhere from 1 to 3 times, depending on circumstnaces. afterwards they stitch you back up and you have to take special care of the stictches along side everything else you're already doing.

Kari - posted on 06/07/2009

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Quoting Brittany:

wait! I thought an episiotomy was where you rip and have to get stitches. I'm wrong. Doctor never talked to me about it and I guess since I didn't have one I don't know what it is. What is it?



an episiotomy is where they snip you in an effort to keep you from tearing. sometimes you tear anyway. they can snip you anywhere from 1 to 3 times, depending on circumstnaces. afterwards they stitch you back up and you have to take special care of the stictches along side everything else you're already doing.

Brittany - posted on 06/07/2009

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I suggest you might want to take some tylenol or something beforehand. That was suggested in my what to expect when your expecting. I didn't rip, thank god, with my baby's birth. I had minor tears but not enough to be sewed. It was still excrutiatingly painful. For the first 3 weeks I didn't even think i'd be able to have 6-8 weeks, but I would still get horny and me and my fiance would have foreplay I just wouldn't let him do anything to me around the perineum. Then, on our daughter's one month birthday, we were messing around and it just started like normal but we ended up having sex. It wasn't painful because he was very patient and easy and let me be in control. He just waited until I gave him the go ahead. After that, we had sex every day for a week, now I'm not in the mood because I'm tired and even though we're using condoms I'm scared to death of getting pregnant again so soon. I can't wait til I get the Mirena.



Anyways, I suggest you being in control and not being afraid to say, hey it's starting to hurt i'm not ready. If your partner saw the baby born he should understand :D

Becky - posted on 06/07/2009

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It can be tender, mine was both times (more so with my daughter as i had an epi and tore!) so just have gentle intercourse or try some forplay first. I sometimes and this is over a year since i had my son get 'sore' down there. Nothing major just sore, and that is due to the fact that now your vagina has scare tissue which is not as strechy as it was before you had an epi/tore.
Go slow, it is very very rare something 'bad' will happen and if your doctor says its ok then try not to worry relax and maybe get some gel to help lub the area.

Jackie - posted on 06/07/2009

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i had an epi with all 3 of my kids. with my first, it hurt a little til your body gets back to being used to it. it hurt more after the 2nd because of a little scar tissue. but everyones' different. i think if your more afraid of what might happen, you will automatically tense up and make it worse. if it does start to hurt just let him know and take it slow.

Katrina - posted on 06/07/2009

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for me the first two or three times having sex after an episiotomy were uncomfortable and i was tender but there was no bleeding or anything horrible. just take it slow and tell your husband to go easy on you :)

Nadia - posted on 06/07/2009

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Hey i had one :D
I just waited for the bleeding to stop [about 5.5 weeks] and went ahead :)
I didnt have pain - your hormones are going crazy at this point so if your body is ready you should be ok :)
Dont worry if you bleed a little afterwards - you will stop bleeding and have a few little blood stains every now and then.

Your body knows what it can and cannot do - if you dun feel comfy when you are about to have sex - just tell your partner - he will probably be extra gentle anuways - he will b just as nervous of hurting you as you are :)

Hope it helps :)
- mother of 3 month old

Sarah - posted on 06/07/2009

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hi i had an epi with my first baby (fun right! haha! not!) i had sex about 3 weeks after and we took it real slow and it was fine, bit weird, but fine. just take it slow!! :)

Hadleigh - posted on 06/07/2009

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Hi, I had an epi. I began having sex about 6 weeks after my son was born. Felt a little strange at first but as the others said...start slowely. I didn't find it uncomfortable or painful at all.

Kari - posted on 06/06/2009

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I had an epi with my first one ( the doc never even mentioned the possibility of getting one with me) and I didn't have comfortable sex until the baby was 4 or 5 months old. It was awful for me. with my second baby, I didn't have one, and was back at it before he was two months old. I think a lot depends on what number baby it is and the woman herself. big thing to remember is to go slow at first and use lots of lube if you need it. it helps bunches Lol

Samantha - posted on 06/06/2009

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I was worried after my epi, and told my hubby to go slow but after like 2 mintues everything was fine. No problems here

Jocelyn - posted on 06/06/2009

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while i didn't have an epi, i did tear something fierce, and the first time we had sex after i had healed, i was a little worried, and told my hubby to "go slow". i did notice i was a little tender, but nothing much, i didn't bleed or anything. i had heard the horror stories too, but none of my friends had much trouble either, i guess each girl if different, so just start out slow :)

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