Sex before postpartum check up

Jordan - posted on 04/18/2013 ( 28 moms have responded )

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I just recently had my second child on April Fools by c-section. I would like to wait the full 6 weeks before I resume sex, but my bf I know doesn't, and don't think he can. He has asked me if I wanted to invite q girl over for him to have sex with. Totally inappropriate. But to keep him from straying, I would like to keep him happy. I'm already performing oral on him, and I'm kinda getting burned out. Any suggestions on what I can do?

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Jessica - posted on 04/21/2013

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Wow, i can't believe a guy would even say or ask that of you so soon?
I just endured a year of no sex cos my partner was like he wasn't intrested
and when he was he said if he cant do it with no protection then he didn't want to do
it? I had no idea why he was acting like that? we just got married last weekend
and things are going great now! But if my husband can go for a year then your man can sure as hell go without for 6 weeks and not stray!
I'm sorry but he does sound like a lost cause and i can tell you now that life as a single
mom can be hard but my god is it enjoyable and rewarding!
You will be ok if you choose to leave him he is the one being a jerk and he sounds like he will more than likely stray!

Eronda - posted on 04/21/2013

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I'm sorry but you need to drop him like a bad habit if all he is worried about is getting his noodle wet rather then you health and well being you need to let someone else have those troubles because he getting it some where else when he want anyway you deserve better then that you should be valued as more then a toilet for him to relieve himself

Lindora - posted on 04/21/2013

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Yes. Leave him. You just had his child, had to have surgery. If you rush it you could seriously damage yourself, but it seems like he just doesnt care. If he is not willing to wait for you to recover then he is not worth your time. You deserve better than that.

Sarah - posted on 04/19/2013

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Trust me he can wait if he want to. He is not an animal in heat. He has self-control if he wants to. And the straying part....that is not going to matter if he gets something now or not. If he wants to stray he will. I agree with Michelle he needs to grow up! I would also start getting a backbone. The "If you love me you will...." stuff is something a teenager would say. That also sends a message to you that he does not respect you. Stand up for yourself and if he stays he will have more respect for you and if he goes well.....that just shows how much of a child he really is and trust me the issues would not go away just become worse.

Michelle - posted on 04/19/2013

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I would be telling him to grow and stop being so selfish. You have just had a baby and your body needs time to recover. Tell him to push a watermelon out of his penis and see how soon after he wants to have sex.

Sorry but arrogant selfish men like that annoy me because my first husband was like that. His penis WON'T fall off if it doesn't get used. He's lucky that you are giving him oral.

If he's going to stray he will stray and won't matter if you are giving him sex every day or not.

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Melissa - posted on 05/05/2013

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kick the dickhead to the curb he dont love u. sorry but 6 wks isnt that long. how old is this moron?

Amanda - posted on 04/26/2013

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I don't mean to overstep here but I am a little concerned that your guy's need for sex is overshadowing your recovery and needs. There is a reason the docs say wait 6 weeks after birth. i had a c section so my vagina was fine lol but still the 6 week mandate was in place for safety and comfort.And as you know there is plenty of other things to dot sexually satisfy each other. and going back to basics either ur guy and heavy petting lol also creates another level of intimacy plus relaxation when baby is asleep and u guys are spending time. i think you need to have a serious talkwith him. You just created a family together and he asks to bring a girl in foe sex? poor timing. you need to adkes urself where his priorities are. Good luck to

Francine - posted on 04/25/2013

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First off, if your BF cannot wait the 6 weeks before having full on sex, there's a problem but with him, 2nd, him asking to have another person perform those acts on him is way out of line. If he truly loves you he will be patient but my gut feeling is he's only thinking of himself at the moment. Who's the baby here? him or your newborn? This equation is pretty easy to figure out, if he can't wait like he's supposed to then he has the problem and not you.

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I would definitely not have sex because it is painful and can be dangerous. tell your bf to use his hand and if he can't be faithful for 6 weeks, personally, I would kick him out, because he clearly is not very considerate towards you or your comfort.

Tiyauna - posted on 04/24/2013

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Okay so I understand that commitment. Are you guys planning on getting married? is he the kind of guy you want your son to be like?

Michelle - posted on 04/24/2013

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He really needs to grow up. Do you think he would be willing to go to counseling? It sounds as if he has no idea on how to treat a woman.

I have a question though. How does his Father treat his Mother? This is usually a huge sign on how a son will treat his wife because that how they think a Husband should be. If they see an abusive (yes what he is doing IS abuse) Father then they grow up thinking it's normal.

If you really want to make this relationship work then you need to let him know that the way he is treating you is unacceptable and that if he wants to continue in the relationship then he needs to go to counseling with you. You need to stand up for yourself and make him realize that a marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship. You deserve to be treated with respect and not verbally or emotionally abused all the time.

Tiyauna - posted on 04/24/2013

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If you dont mind me asking, (I dont mean to be nosy) but how long have you guys been dating?

Gena - posted on 04/23/2013

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He is being selfish, but is it possible he is just really uneducated about the birthing, c section, and healing process... Both emotionally and physically? If you really want to be with him still, see if he is willing to talk about what you went through, and what you are expecting for the remainder of your healing time. Look up articles and you tube videos on the healing a woman's body goes through after birth and what birthing and mothering hormones do to a new mothers sex drive (definitely lowers it!). This is mother nature's way of making sure our babies survive and we heal, by lowering our sex drive in many cases (I know not true for all women but their bodies may not have needed that much healing!) See if he will read these and watch these with you. If he is all "whatever, stupid girl holistic hippie ****" then you will know he is not, and sorry to say, will never be willing to meet you half way on any issue that may become important to you in the future and that stress is never worth keeping. If he accepts his new education and leaves you alone, respecting you, then maybe he is full of surprises and hope for the future. Best of luck, and take care!

Jordan - posted on 04/23/2013

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I have recently told him I am refusing him oral. I'm so tired of doing it because when I do, he tends to get forceful. And I told him that it isn't fair to me. So he is going to have to deal with it. Plus I am not into it at all. A few nights ago, we were making out, and he actually stuck it in. I was in tears. I said he was hurting me and to get off. I refused to let him touch me for the rest of the night. And now I'm dealing with his comments about me losing weight and exercising. He started this a few days ago after hearing a commercial for a weight loss product. His response - "When are you going to start losing weight?" Then two days ago after I mentioned how much I would like to go inside a new clothing store. His response - "Wouldn't you like to lose weight before you go look at new clothes?" Ugh. :/

Tiyauna - posted on 04/23/2013

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Hello Jordan my name is Tiyauna, I had a baby march 2012. Anyways I was very ready to have sex after having my daughter, my husband was very patient but I didn't wait the full six weeks but we used condoms, I will say that it hurt really bad when I tried the first time, I was so hard headed and tried to have sex 2.5 weeks after having my daughter i waited for a couple more weeks and then tried again. But I will say that you are very fertile and if you are going to have sex early really use condoms and birth control. I do however feel its very messed up for him to even suggest another girl coming over after you just had a baby. Babies are tiring within its self You should really think hard about how inconsiderate he is being vs trying to rush and have sex to please him, because like i said having sex really early is PAINFUL, and leaving you vounarble to getting pregnant again so soon. Some things arnt worth the pain because I guarantee he will be the only one getting pleasure for a while.

Staci - posted on 04/23/2013

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Ask him if he would want to have sex with you after squeezing a watermelon out of his pee-hole!

Carisa - posted on 04/23/2013

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Your boyfriend is being abusive and I think that is just the tip of the iceberg. I had a friend that was trying to please her husband and gave into him after having a baby, she said it was so painful and awful. Her husband became abusive and then cheated on her and then shared an STD with her. So I would recommend that you move on or tell him it is no sex until after you feel ready. No guy will actually die from not having sex. I would also tell him that your needs, need to be met first right now, not his. It goes both ways, if he really loves you and cares about you, then he will wait.

Mommy - posted on 04/22/2013

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I mean if you guys are into that, then ok....but it doesn't sound like you are, so that is so effed up. You just had his baby for Christ's sake! He can wait, it's not an eternity, and he won't die. Contrary to popular belief, his penis will not rot and fall off if not used for any length of time. What a dick!

Sorry Jordan, not bashing, I just think you deserve better.

Ty - posted on 04/21/2013

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Whoa...i would totally tell him to **** himself. That should be good enough. I definitely would not be giving an ***hole like that any oral. He sounds like a total loser. Also, all men can wait if there were no women what would he do?

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Gena - posted on 04/20/2013

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Hi Jordan
I think its very selfish of your boyfriend and i was wondering if he is a sex addict? I mean real sex addict that would be a problem. If not he should realy be able to wait,its not like you cant have sex for a whole year.6weeks go by fast and i hope you can make him understand that it hurts you that he is thinking of having sex with someone else.If he does,dont let yourself get hurt over and over again and you would deserve better.
I hope he can be fair enough and stop being selfish. If he is an addict try to talk to him to get help.Good luck

Alisha - posted on 04/20/2013

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Wow u just had his child and he says that to you?? How sad! He should be respectful of your time to heal and be that much more excited when you can.

Staci - posted on 04/20/2013

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That is so unfortunate Jordan. Some men do not realize how lucky they are to have us. The father of my first child cheated on me while i was pregnant, and through until she was about a month old when I finally found out. We were engaged but I ended up leaving. I believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. I sincerely hope he is not cheating, But if you suspect he is, you need to confront him and do something about it. I know how painful it is to feel like he is going behind your back :((( if you need someone to talk to feel free to pm me or you can even have my email if you want

Jordan - posted on 04/19/2013

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Thanks ladies. Yea, I'm not too happy with him right now either. Staci, no getting pregnant would not be a good idea for me anymore. It would actually be dangerous. Multiple tears were found on my uterus. Along with those having to be repaired as well as the incision, I had to have the bottom part of my uterus sewn back together. During my last trimester, the bottom somehow ripped apart. Doctor assured me that getting pregnant would be the dumbest and dthe most dangerous thing I can do to my body. As for my man, I'm pretty sure he's thinking about straying. He's being secretive with his phone again and is starting to become a little distant. This sucks. Selfish jerk.

Staci - posted on 04/19/2013

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First of all, I dont want to be rude about your hubby but what a mean thing to say! especially to a girl who's just had a baby! He is lucky you're willing to give him oral!!!

Second, I had sex before the doc said I should, at about 4 weeks after vaginal delivery. I think you should just listen to your body, if you feel comfortable doing it then go for it. But if you don't feel like you've healed, i would wait if I was you. Don't want to do any unnecessary damage! and if you do go for it, use protection because you can already become pregnant which i would imagine is not a good thing to do when healing from a c-section!

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