Should I claim child maintenance from abusive ex for our young daughter?

User - posted on 10/03/2012 ( 6 moms have responded )

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I have a 3 year old daughter who has no contact with her biological father whatsoever due to him being abusive to her and myself when she was a babe. I am now engaged to a lovely fella and we have a 7 month old son. My new man has taken my daughter on as his own and she sees him as her parent. Myself and my partner were recently discussing whether or not my daughters father should be paying child maintenance or not. He has never supported my daughter, even when we were together and he has had no contact with her for nearly 2 years (he did a brief stint of supervised contact for 2 months prior). I haven't heard from him in over a year and his family have nothing to do with my daughter either. I was just wondering if it would be a good idea to begin the application for csa or whether i should just forget it and just get on with our lives and if i was to apply how would i go about doing it? (i don't know where he is living)

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Ashley - posted on 10/03/2012

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If you decide to you just go to the child support office in your area. You give them all the information you have and the last known infoation. But really, it sounds like she now has a dad and you would all be better off without him. If you file, that could make him want visitation, or could make him mad and try to find you. You have done it this long without him in the picture, so whats another 15 years. I see it bringing problems and maybe even confusion for your daughter. If your boyfriend is raising her like his own and treating her well and you are financially stable then I see no need in filing. Since you havnt had contact with him in so long you could get him for ababdonment, which could take all his rights and give your boyfriend the option of adoptong her.

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Hi. My oldest son is 7 years old and I split with his dad when he was 4. He went to mexico. At first he would call once a week to talk to him but as time passed he stop calling due to him always ''working''. I asked him for money for our son but through the whole time he has been over in mexico he has only sent money three times!!! My son has not talked to him for over a year. My current hubby also took him in as his and gives him the financial stability he needs and also spends time with him. The point is my son never tells me that he resents me or anything like that for not calling his dad or letting him be part of his life, all the contrary, he says his dad is my hubby and the other guy is just the person that brought him to this world. He doesnt even want to talk to him. I never talk bad about his dad and I suggest your daughter doesnt hear bad things about her dad regardless of what he did because maybe in the future he could change and then she wont want nothing to do with him. Even if the dads are horrible, they are still our children's dads and we cant take that right from them. Just keep living your life without thinking of BD and enjoy your new family and be gratefull that your hubby loves your daughter. take care and God Bless!!!

Michelle - posted on 10/03/2012

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Honestly I think if you and your husband can financially afford things without that money I would leave it alone. Seeing as he was abusive I can honestly see him lashing out when you go after him for maintenance and this could cause more harm than good for your little family.

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User - posted on 10/03/2012

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Thank you :) I think I will just carry on as we are why unsettle everything when my daughter doesn't even know or recognise her real father? She deserves better and that is what we can give her..i will never hide anything from her, she asks questions, I'll have answers.. It will be difficult but as long as she is safe that is all that matters x

Ashley - posted on 10/03/2012

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You are doing right by your daughter by protecting her. He was abusive to her before, he doesnt need the chance to do it again. Your daughter might be mad one day, but you will just have to be honest with her and let her know you were protecting her. If tbe day comes when shes older and she wants to know her dad then you should be there to help her through it but explain why you had no contact.

User - posted on 10/03/2012

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That is what I've been thinking. I personally would love to take as much money as I could from him but I don't want to sink to his level of spitefullness.. To be honest we are managing okay financially and my daughter gets everything she needs.. I'm just worried I won't make the right decision by her..whether she'll resent me in the future..It's not just the money but the contact and the fact that I was not able to protect her 100%..I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing in allowing no contact.. I'm only 21, still young myself and I'm finding it so hard to make this decision by myself so any help or opinions would be much appreciated and so very helpful Xx

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