Should I deny bio Dad access this week? Legal issues...

S&S - posted on 01/01/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I’m having issues deciding whether or not to let my ex have access to my 3-month old baby. This is a long story so I will try to make it as short as possible.
During my pregnancy he left me and spent the whole time doing cocaine, binge drinking and partying, to the point where he couldn’t work.
He started dating my ex-friend, who is an ex because of her cocaine addiction.
Disowned my then unborn daughter and constantly emotionally, psychologically and verbally harassed me. At the beginning of my pregnancy he even grabbed my arm so hard he bruised it.
I thought I would do this on my own. His mother and family were supportive of me.
While I was pregnant, he was diagnosed with anxiety and bi-polar disorder. I gave him two chances to be more involved during my pregnancy and each one was short lived because he would just go and party again and disown the baby.
Once, was for the five-month ultrasound. The other was the birth, which was four days long and I was high on morphine, terrified and not thinking clearly. And he was great support. I now realize this was some kind of show. Biggest mistake ever.
The second we got home from the hospital he went out drinking. Since then I have been 100 per cent on my own.
I attempted to make a visitation schedule which he ripped up. Eventually he came for two visits which he yelled at me while holding the baby. Said things like, “your baby shit herself.” And disowned her in his arms. He also chased me into another room while she was in my arms and she peed right through her diaper while crying.
Then he started harassing me again ultimately resulting in three cop incidences at my house. I denied him visitation for three weeks as I didn’t feel safe with him. He is no longer allowed on my property.
Since then I have gotten temporary sole custody and have set up visits in a public place once a week for an hour.
She is three months and at one point he missed three visits in a row.
Now, he’s shown up at my house again last week. Taken her stroller away, which was a gift from his mother eight months ago. Harassed me and my entire family and even followed me into a café where I was meeting a girlfriend for coffee. He shows up in a different car in front of my house. He claims he was working next door and saw my car parked outside.
He has also posted photo’s of me in labor on his Facebook and many of our daughter after I expressed my opinion about not posting very many photo’s of our daughter on Facebook because I’m a very private person. I don't like to draw attention to our situation and thought it would be recipricol. One of the many ways of emotionally harassing me.
His family buys into his delusional logic and no longer speaks to me. They have only seen her once since she was six days old and that was because I was kind enough to stop by on Xmas. I have tried to be as accomodating as possible.
He is blocked from all my phones due to the ongoing harassment. He seems determined to make my life hell.
It’s been over a week since his last visit and I wanted other Mom’s opinions on if I should deny him access for a while or just say no more visits until this is dealt with in court.
I told him I would meet him on Friday with my friend present, but I am concerned that he’s escalating and will get angry with me while holding my daughter. And god forbid, snap while she is in his arms.
I want a restraining order as well.
I know judge’s frown on denying access and I want sole custody for as long as possible.
How should I handle this? Should I meet him in public this weekend with my friend? Or put it off for at least another week? Or cut all ties and deal with this in court?
I am also scared of his emotional outburst if I do deny him access another week. The stress on my household is drastic and I believe my poor baby can feel this. Will a judge understand this concept?
Advice would be very valuable right now.
Thank-you!

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Cleaver - posted on 01/01/2013

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i would get enough 'evidence' as possible. i did this when i left my husband the first time he was doing drugs regularly, verbally abusing me and our sons. i took pictures of the drugs he left out on the counter where the kids could get it, was on the phone when he was being verbally abusive, and even recorded him yelling at me for waking him up 10 minutes early with insults and threats. we are together now, he knows i have all this 'evidence' incase i leave him and he tried to get custody.

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Julie - posted on 01/03/2013

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You need to talk to a police officer and explain that you are being harassed. Then, seek the counsel of a judge. Unfortunately, withholding visitation without "cause" will not look great on your part, so talk to an officer. Lots of times they can even assist you and e present during a visit.

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