Should i give up or keep trying with my mother-in-law from hell?

Sarah - posted on 12/17/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I need some advice im at braking point!. Iv been with my partner 6 years and have a 2 year old son with him and my mother-in-law hates me with a passion! When my son was born i got him in a routine. He was happy, fed great, slept perfect he was perfect. But my mother in law never had routines with her 2 kids so i was told what i was doing was wrong and i was a bad mother, i wasnt thinking of my son but only my self, i wasnt doing whats right for my son... my son was 3 months old. It carried on for a long time it was all she ever talked about to us and everyone she knew. It got to the point where my depression nearly came back, i was beyond stressed and my son was feeling it. I lost my confidence and he fell out the routine and i lost my milk. but thats not al she said my son was pathetic and disrespectful due to him not eating with a spoon when he was under a year, she would put us both down all the time. We have had massive fights over pathetic little things and stoped talking for ages. Shes one that when things go well she has to make a argument, for some reason she thrives on drama. We have been good for 4 months now but my mum died in november and i have been a wreck and becasue the attention isnt on her even at this horriable time shes started going off again. Said taking my son to differant places xmas is wrong, im not thinking of him at all i should stay at one place and let him play all day. The day is ment for him not us. My son loves going to see his family xmas and his perfect when we do, his still has a nap where we go and wakes up and gets to play with his toys and all the other kids. I asked if we could see her xmas morning due to it been the only time we have free since this is the first x mas shes in the picture and she went off at me. Said im not thinking of my son or her. I said i need to be there for my dad xmas night, its the first xmas with out mum so we are all going to need each other to help us through it and she dont care. said we should b at hers. Im really sorry its very long just wanted to try and explain what iv been going through and see if anyone has any advice what i can do because im at the point where im ready to say goodbye to her for good. I dont want to shes my sons only nana now but with how she has been acting and what she has been saying is also affecting my son and i dont want him to get to the age where he will understand and remember all the horriable things she has said about myself and him. But no matter how hard i try she just cant let go of the past, always brings stuff up and ruines the relationship we all have with each other now. am i wasting my time? should i try harder? am i doing sothing wrong? please if you have any advice let me know. Thankyou

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Sarah - posted on 12/18/2012

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Thankyou.
No dosent sound harsh at all. I reckon a few years ago i might have mentioned to her about somethig like that which unfortunality didint work. She still holds it against me to this day. I sat down with her and my partner and said this all has to stop. i dont want my son part of this especially if your going to say bad things about him so can we please work something out to try and move onfrom all this and start again.She took it as i said she wil never be allowed to see my son, went off at me said im not thinking of him and its not nice to use him as a bribe, which i didnt mean at all i just tried to get across that at that point in time it wasnt good for my son to be around all these arguments and i wanted to try and sort things out and work this all out so the argument would stop but she refused to at that point and kept saying how dare i say or threaten that my son want come over amy more again i didnt say or mean it like that at all.

Wow i can relate to that. My mother in law is on 14 differant medications plus she drinks and she wonders why i dont trust her. I have even said to her the drinking needs to stop and i have issus with all the medication since alot of them and very strong so i wouldnt want her to fall asleep etc while she was watching him but she says she has no problem even when she drinks to the point where she is walking into walls and becomes abusive she stills says she is fine im the one with th problems.

AHH there just isnt any way to pleas them is there?

I will definitely work on standing my ground with her when it comes to my son and not allow her to stop me or talk me out of what im doing what i think is right for him. But god shes good at making you feel so bloody guility and can just suddenly turn it around on you to sound like your the one thats wrong etc. She knows whens he right time too With my mum passing away she knows im sressed and cant think straight so shes starting all these fights about little things knowing i cant deal with them at the moment and thinks i can easily give in to her... god she makes life hard. One second she hates ya and your doing everthing wrong the next second shes fine and wondeing why we are angry at her..

Marri S. - posted on 12/17/2012

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First, I want to apologize for everything that you've been going through. This is a topic that I've been wanting to discuss myself as I'm going through something similar, but not half as much as you're going through. I want to say, not to give up, but let her know that you're the mother, and what you say goes, and that if she wants to remain in your son's life that she will have to change her ways, or that her time will be limited. Sorry if that sounds harsh. Someone recently told me that I have to pick my battles when it comes to my mother in law and my relationship. To keep piece, or to keep up the drama...(it's my choice.) My BF and I have argued about situations because of his mother as he says I overreact, but I'm a quiet and shy person and when it comes to my son, I've noticed that my BF's family will test me, just to see what I'm gong to say. For instance, whenever we're all around each other, someone will say, "Well, I'm taking Drew home with me." (Drew is my 4 month old son). My mother in law for instance is the main person, and will repeatedly test me because she thinks I won't say anything and because she thinks she can have her way. For one, she is on a lot of heavy medication and I would hate for something to happen while she's watching him, so to make a long story short, I stand my ground and tell her "NO" every time, and until I'm ready for that step. So what I'm suggesting is that you stand your ground, and talk to your husband about it, and tell him that you can't let his mother interfere anymore. Explain to him that your family doesn't try to control any situation pertaining to you and your son so his mother shouldn't have the right too do so either.

I hope this helped, and I'm sorry for any misspelled words, I'm trying to finish typing this and cook before my son wakes up.

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Aleyna - posted on 09/09/2013

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By disrespecting you she hurts your son. Your family deserves to be happy and it sounds like you're an amazing mom. :-)

Sun - posted on 12/17/2012

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I can't stand my mother in law and we don't talk anymore. I like to keep it that way..soo peaceful!

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