Should stepmoms allow ther stepchildren to call them mom?

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i think the child should decide. when my husband and i told his 3 year-old daughter that we were engaged she asked if she 'had' to call me mom. i told her no, she could call me by my name or whatever is comfortable. she settled on 'hollymommy' for about a year, then suddenly just switched to mom. it was her own choice and i never bug or badger her about it, but it does make me very happy.



p.s. my daughter is now almost 7 and her bio mom is still in the picture, but barely. she sees her daughter about once every 3 months (although she chose to skip this last school vacation...) and, though my daughter calls her almost every day, she never answers the phone or calls back. as a result, my daughter sees and speaks to her bio mom very little.

Carolyn - posted on 07/14/2009

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My husband has had a step father for over 15 years (he was about 10 or so when he came along). Him, both of his brothers and his sister all call him dad. Their real dad hasn't been in the picture for YEARS.

My friend's little boy, now 5 year old, started calling his step dad dad about a year after they got together. If I remember right the little one was only a year and a half when they got together. She said she never pushed she just let him do his own thing. His real dad is still in the picture, but not very much, like maybe 3 or 4 times a year at most.

I really think it's more up to the children then anybody. If they feel comfortable doing it, then they will when they are ready. But it also partly depends on age, let's say the child was 2 years old when they got as step parent, they are more likely to call that step parent mom or dad sooner then older kids because they don't know.

Mollie - posted on 07/14/2009

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I agree with Juli. It is a matter of comfort for everyone involved. My kids have a stepfather and for the most part call him by his first name (both dads are still in the picture) but there are times where my kids call him their 2nd dad or introduce him as their father.
If the the biological mom is uncomfortable, maybe the kids can come up with another name that shows how they feel about her. The kids, though, should NEVER be forced to call a step parent a parent even if the biological parent is out of the picture.

Stacey - posted on 07/14/2009

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My husband told his children that they could call me anything that made them comfortable. Sometimes they call me mom and sometimes they don't. However, when your children are young, I don't think you should limit them to what they call their step-parents. They need to feel comfortable and be able to express that comfort and love in their own way. In our situation, the biological mother got very angry at the children and that did nothing more than drive them away from her.

Arnay - posted on 07/14/2009

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I think that this is something that is different in every situation. Its something that should be discussed among the adults in the situation. If everyone agrees, then yes; if not thenleave it alone. no need to create any extra drama.

Juli - posted on 07/14/2009

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I believe if the biological mother is still in the picture then the child(ren) should talk to her about it first. Once they have gotten an answer from her then they should talk to the step mother and figure out what would be best and most comfortable. But if the biological mother isnt around i dont see why there would be a problem with it, especially if that child loves you and you them. The step mom may be the only mother figure they know.

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