Should we adopt a baby even though we already have six children?

[deleted account] ( 4 moms have responded )

Hi, I'm Kristian. I am the proud mother of six beautiful children, three I gave birth too and three I inherited when I married my husband but I am full time mom to all of them as my husband is full time dad and we have been for 3 years. We get no kind of support (physical, emotional, financial) from either of our exes. We have 5 girls, ages 10, 9, 8, 7 & 7 and a little boy, age 5. We have no children together and I am unable to have anymore children without a ton of money and surgery. Recently a family member of ours had her 3 month old son taken from her by cps and he's a beautiful, smart, happy, great baby! My husband and I are absolutely in love with him and the opportunity to adopt has presented itself but I'm scared... scared that I can't do it all again, scared that my life is great now and that if we bring a baby into the mix, it might send everything up into chaos but I do not want him to become a ward of the state and there really isn't anybody else to take him. My husband and I are fantastic parents but people think we are absolutely nuts already for having as many as we do even though they are exceptionally taken care of, happy, healthy, beautiful kids. I'm good at being a mom and it's all I've really ever done but now that my son has started school and none of the kids are no longer home during the day, I was seriously considering going back to school and I don't know whether I could do it all (kids, baby, college). Does anyone have any advice? Or ever faced a situation like this? Me and my husband are not even into our thirties yet but we have a big enough house and are financially stable enough to take care of another baby but like I said, we are torn on the decision.


[deleted account]

Why not? I don't think it is ever a bad thing to help give a child a loving a stable home.

Sarah - posted on 10/09/2012




I am not sure if religion plays into your family/plans or not, but if it does that would be my first suggestion...pray about it. Adopting is a leap of faith. All those things you mentioned about your fears could or could not happen.

If you can talk with your social worker or an adoption agency and see if they could connect you with other adoptive families in your area. They will be able to really share with you the ups and downs and those same fears they had when considering if they should adopt or not.

Also things to consider about this adoption often do you see the birth mother? How will adopting this child affect the relationship? How will things be affected as the child gets older? A little FYI....always be honest with the child from day one about who his birthmother/birthfather is...don't say a friend or a cousin instead of saying your birth parent. In the child's eyes when you say friend or cousin and that is not all of the story you have just lied to them and then that starts a whole other set of issues. This is something where it would be helpful talking with another family that has adopted within the family network.

Do this because this feels right not because you feel guilty if you say "no". There is nothing wrong with saying "no, this does not work for us right now." Just the same if this feels right then who cares what people think. I have a 14 yr old 11 yr old and 1 yr old.....I am sure people think I am crazy for starting all over again, but I love it.


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[deleted account]

Sarah, it is my husband's sister so we would see her often though we aren't close but we do live in a small town... She would hate us but on the other hand, the things she has done and is doing is not by any means providing a safe environment for her children and this will be the third child that she has lost because of it. My husbands parents have her other 2 but they absolutely cannot handle another one. Religion does play into our life... I pray about this often. Thanks for the advice ;)

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