Sick of feeling like a single mom when there are 2 parents not one!!!!!!!!

Kayla - posted on 05/15/2013 ( 10 moms have responded )

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I got onto the circle of moms because I am dealing with the most childish and unaccepting person I have ever known(my boyfriend), He never helps me with anything involving our child diaper changes, bathes, feeding, rocking to sleep, doctors appointments, potty training, he didnt have to go through the months to almost year of no sleep Our last argument was on Sunday I was so sleepy and tired that I decided to take a nap because the baby was sleeping my boyfriend was sitting on the couch in our bedroom I get awoken by a "kayla wake up the babys crying" so i reply with "why cant you go get him?" which he replies with a "because im comfortable" Oh lord i went off i said are you being serious right now you woke me up when you knew i was tired an needed some sleep because you were to comfortable to get up an go take care of your child. I went in the other room and i broke down crying I cried so hard he comes in there and says why are you crying your a cry baby and starts mocking me like boo-hooo hoo i screamed I HATE YOU leave me alone i tired to explain why im so upset but he will not listen he thinks he "helps" i told him to grow up an start acting like a dad or im leaving i cannot do everything anymore while someone sits on the couch watching tv and playing xbox. He refuses to stop cussing around the baby and he even curses at the baby and has even slung pink lemonade into his face because he was crying because he wanted the whole cup and wasnt happy with just a drink because he had a "headache" and couldnt stand his crying. I am just so upset I dont know what to do I told him if im gonna be treated like a single mom im gonna be a single mom but he just doesnt seem to understand he says all the time "my mom did it an she had 5 kids" or "your not the first woman to go through this" I am 23 and my boyfriend is 24 i feel more like 30 and it seems like his age has reverted instead of matured. I get so angry when someone tells me how much there boyfriend or husband helps them and loves helping them when I have to go into rages to even get a tiny bit of help! At this point I am so close to just being done with him that its not funny he says he loves his son but actions speak louder than words. My mother watches my baby for me sometimes so i can get my house clean and my clothes washed or if i need to do something that i cant take the baby to, without her truthfully I would have went crazy by now. I NEED HELP, but he cant understand that and I'm tired of waiting for him to what should i do and yes before you say it my baby is my 1st priority and my baby is very well taken care of he is down right spoiled lol please help me i feel overwhelmed and under appreciated and i am sooo tired of crying over this after our fight ive waited 3 days but have seen no signs that he is trying to change or help like he said he would.

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Mommy - posted on 05/21/2013

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He threw lemonade in your child's face and he lived to tell the tale? Hell no, that would NOT happen in my house! You have told him you need help, you told him you were leaving if he didn't shape up, he hasn't changed. Now you need to follow through. Move on and if he wants to change he will and you guys can work on moving forward together.

Adele - posted on 05/20/2013

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You need to leave him. I am a single mother of my 3 yr old son, and from what you have written so far I would say if you are doing all that already, you can survive on your own. I used to feel angry too. Don't wait, and keep strong. It will be the best thing you can do for both you and your child.

Jennifer - posted on 05/18/2013

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First off, much respect to you with hanging in there but it's time to leave. I have been in your shoes before. Granted, I did not have any kids with my ex but I did receive the abuse and your boyfriend saying those things to you and acting that way is emotional abuse. If you decide to talk to your boyfriend about his abuse he might do the same thing my ex did and laugh at you and say things like, "I'm not beating you! So there is nothing you can do about it." Emotional abuse is just as bad. I didn't realize it then but definitely do now.

Secondly, you now have your son to think about. Throwing lemonade in his face may seem like a minor thing but it is going to get worse as your son gets older. The abuse probably won't stop with you and your son will start to feel it too when he gets older and is able to understand what he is saying. I say this because I see a friend going through this with her husband. She is constantly expected to take care of the kids, house and keep a full time job. She gets yelled at when something is out of place or if she doesn't work her full 40 hours at her job or if the kids are crying. Every time I see her she is exhausted and now her oldest son is starting to belittle and boss her around too because he sees his dad do it. If she tries to talk about how she feels her husband teases her and says that "all women go through this."

All women DO NOT go through this. You deserve respect and so does your son. I am thankful everyday that I got out of my relationship and found someone who loves and respects me. We have 3 great kids and I am thankful for them too. I'm not going to gush and say everything is perfect because it isn't and we have had to work on our marriage but we are successful because we support each other and we both take care of our children.

I know it's hard because you have a child with this man and you will be connected to him no matter what but always know that you do have a choice and that you deserve to have a happy life with your son. I'll be thinking of you, stay strong. Hope I didn't ramble on too long :)

Deborah - posted on 05/17/2013

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See if you can get him to go to parenting classes with you. And maybe a couples therapy session or two might not hurt. That way you know he's committed to working through things.just remember it better to be single and happy than in a relationship and miserable.

Princess - posted on 05/15/2013

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Dear I thot u were toking abt a 20yr old boy,24 he is old enuf to make the right decision if you don't leave him u will be adding a lot of stress to yourself and you and your baby don't need that. His spoiled as you say,chances tht he wil change are very slim. Just leave him so that u can focus on loving your baby

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Christine - posted on 05/23/2013

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This is not a guess, but I know, he was like this before the baby came. Very selfish and now you can finally see it because now you actually NEED his help.

I went through the same thing as you, but I was 17 years old when I had my baby. And my child's father was a piece of work, just like yours is PROVING to be. Let me save you the time, I wish I would have saved.
HE WILL NEVER CHANGE and YOU OR THE BABY WILL NOT GET HIM TO CHANGE. HE HAS TO CHANGE ON HIS OWN. AND THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN IN 3 DAYS, 2 WEEKS, 1 MONTH....IT WILL TAKES MONTHS, PROBABLY YEARS OF BEING APART FOR HIM TO CHANGE. LET HIM GO.

I was a single mom for 6 years. I mean I dated occasionally, but it took me 6 years to find "my perfect man". I couldn't be anymore happier. We are expecting a baby now and I know this man will be the best father a father could be. Remember, it took me 6 years of learning how to love myself, who I am, what I wanted and needed to find the right one.

You remind me of me, many years ago, do yourself, not to mention your child, the biggest favor and leave and NEVER look back. You deserve better.

“Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” ---and honestly, he doesn't have a good attitude.

GOOD LUCK DEAR FRIEND ♥

Tiyauna - posted on 05/21/2013

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Honestly you cant force someone to change. You might force him to do something you will regret later don't force him to watch the baby because you never know what he will do if the baby crys/scream ect... you don't want your baby to get hurt behind his immaturity and trying to force him to be a father. However i will say if he cant show you your true value what are you holding on for.I know you want a family and everything but is that really what you want your son to follow. I know it may be hard but that situation is going to take alot of meditation and prayer.

Melinda - posted on 05/21/2013

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I am married with a 7 month old and my husband has yet to change one diaper, give one bath, feed, or even try to put him down for a nap. I am exhausted. When my husband comes home from work, he gets on a computer game until its time for HIM to sleep. I love my husband but it's absolutely ridiculous. My closest family is 700 miles away, so I am pretty much on my own. The way I look at it is that me and my son are going to have an extremely strong bond. I'm sorry you have to deal with this also. As to your boyfriend, I don't believe he should have thrown lemonade in your child's face. He should have been ditched then and there. I hope things will get better for you, and your boyfriend grows up and decides to be a father.

Kayla - posted on 05/21/2013

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thank u for all your replies they have helped me so much I am so glad i found this site because i had no one to turn to or talk to about this it means a lot to me that you all care and have given your insight into my situation...I have seen a small improvement in my boyfriends attitude he actually helped me wash the dishes the other day for the 1st time in a long time, but only time will show if he is truly trying or just trying to make me think hes going to help. I just want my child's father to love his child and want to take care of him not because he has to but because he loves him and wants to and i don't think that's to much to ask. Actions speak louder than words you an say you love them but show them you love them by giving them a bath or laying down at bedtime cuddled up to them while you read them a story. I just am hurting on the inside to think that i chose such a bad father for my child i feel ultimately responsible I want my child to feel loved, wanted, and appreciated. I just want the absolute best for my lil guy and if that means having to leave his father than that's what i will have to do I can't ruin his life because I was selfish and couldn't let go of a relationship I am scared to take the 1st step I hope he is sincere in changing.

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