Single mother need help with the father of my child!!! help pls

Sephora - posted on 08/25/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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He has no respect for us, we dont speak and he only gives me 150 euros a month wich i only can buy just the right amount of milk and a few nappies... he only holds my daughter when she is good but when she cries he hands her over and walks away never helps with medical bills or clothes or her needs like a new pushchair nothing and disrispects me and my family for no reason... i feel that it is ocuward for me to keep meeting with him to see my daughter as we dont speak she is only 3months and i feel to young for him to take her alone as he has no idea of how to take care of her and its as if he only wants her for the good but never did any sacrafises for her i spent all my pregnancy alone and feel as it is not fair that he gets to enjpy my daughter the same way i do... he even askes me for money to buy her something i dont have a job and he gets a lot of money its very selfish as he keeps gowing abroad changing cars and buying nice thing and lets his dughter enjoying nothing coming from him..... I must do something if you were me what would you do?

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Melony - posted on 08/28/2009

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My friend is going through the exact situation as you. He even had the nerve to tell her "I'll come to get him when he's 4-5, i know he's in good hands" He doesnt want to help her, and would rather spend time with his new girlfriend and her daughter, than his own son. The best advice I can give is like everyone else says, take him to court. You don't want your daughter growing up thinking it is ok to treat your family like that. I understand that you are not together, and that makes him obligated to help you out. If he can make a baby, he can take care of one. I really think you should get lawyers involved. Find somebody who is willing to represent you in family court. I think you should be getting alot more than just 150 EURO a month. I was in europe for 8 months while i was pregnant, I have seen how expensive some baby stuff can be. It was ridiculous. You and your little girl deserve much better than that. And it is not good for her if you and her father are not speaking. She is young now so she doesnt understand, but once she gets older she will soon figure it out and start asking questions. I really hope everything works out for you both. Maybe if you try adn have a conversation with the father and explain to him what you are going through he will understand. ANd if he still does not want to talk, write him a letter. Its always easier to write your feelings than speak them. Explain to him how hard it is for you to do this alone, and how much you would like to have a good relationship with him for the sake of your daughter. Put everythign on the table and see where it goes from there. I find that a good. long, heartfelt letter sometimes does the trick. Good luck with everything :)

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Shelly - posted on 08/30/2009

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tell him to grow the hell up! Personally I'd go through the courts to get a fair amount of money from him for support for you and your daughter and get fixed supervised visits put in place. It makes me so mad when men act like that, good luck and I hope things pick up for you and your baby!

[deleted account]

i went through the same thing with my two oldest children. they're father didnt want to do and wouldnt call, but he would go around and tell ppl i wont let him see them and i took the kids away from which is a lie he never called me or anything. i took him to child support and he still doesnt do anything he even went as far as to ask for paternity test and than didnt even show up. they locked him up LOL!!! he claims he didnt know about it and went to atlantic city. The only advice i can offer you is to just go on with your life and take care of your angel the best way you can. i know it sucks but you cant force him to be the father he needs to be. one day your daughter will find out what type of person he is and he'll regret it, not you. if she wants to be in his life when she gets older dont take that away from her because than she'll blame you. my children right now are 4 and 2 and dont even remember there father and thats his fault im not gonna force him to be there for them because its not genuine and im also not gonna allow him to be there when he wants to because its not consistent. if he really wants to be there he needs to be genuine and consistent. thats what your daughter needs most and her happiness is the most important thing to you im sure. what im trying to avoid are the heartbreaks that my kids will feel when they realize how ignorant they're father is. my thoughts and feelings are sort of all over the place with this issue and i hope you understand what im trying to say. i know it hurts but think about it this way yes he is her father but do you really want someone around her who doesnt want anything to do with her.

Lyndsay - posted on 08/30/2009

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If I were you, I would get a lawyer and take him to court for full custody. Then you all will decide together, with the judge, how many times a week he gets to see her and for what hours. You can also tell them if you want supervised visits, which can be at your house or at a family visiting centre.. and you can negotiate appropriate child support payments according to how much he makes.

Krista - posted on 08/30/2009

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This is something i know alot about from experience. My older boys' biological father was in their lives in the beginning and now has absolutely nothing to do with him. He won't even come see them. me and my fiance are the ones that support my youngest and my oldest lives with my father. he pays my dad child support only because it is taken out of his checks. he even goes as far as saying that our youngest isnt his. It kills me to watch this man treat me and my children that way but i finally put my foot down and denied him visitation. He got really angry with me when i did but honestly its for the best. No child needs a man in their life like that. Men like that need to be smacked around. Go to a lawyer and see what you can do about it. I know it was fairly easy for me only because he really wasnt around much and they looked at that as him being a dead beat dad. You are the one that has to be strong for your little girl and stand up and say "Im not dealing with this anymore" cuz all its going to do is hurt her in the long run.. trust me.. my kids have issues because of their dad yo-yoing in and out of their life and i would never wish that on any other child. I hope everything goes well. If you need to talk more you can message me.

~Krista~

Leah - posted on 08/28/2009

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As a single mother myself I can only offer advice from my own experiences. If your daughter is not in an abusive or dangerous situation you cannot/should not keep her from her father. Lots of men have trouble the first year relating to a baby. You may find he is just as scared as you are and that he doesn't have a clue how to be a parent. That is not a crime. We all feel that way sometimes.



Unfortunately there is probably not much you can do about him not giving you much money. Child support laws are specific to the area you live in so you might check that out with your local government. In my area, reportable income (what you pay taxes on) is used to determine how much child support the custodial parent is awarded each month/week whatever.



It may be awkward for you to be in the same place with your daughter at the same time but this is not about you and him so it is important to try to ignore that. (Hard I know believe me! ) Eventually he will probably lean to trust himself enough with her to be a good father. Experience is the only way for many fathers to learn. If he is not an unfit parent by way of abuse, neglect or drug use your daughter desearves to have him in her life.



I made the choice to exclude my children's father for some of the same reasons you listed. (It was a bit more complicated but started out the same way) I regret the decision in many ways. My daughter has grown up without a father. She is seven know and her father passed away last fall. She never knew him and even though I thought she would never know the difference she greives the loss every day.



Good luck to you and your baby girl. Hope it works out to be a relationship where you can truely coparent in a productive way for your daughter.



Love&Light and Godbless. :)

Kayla - posted on 08/28/2009

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you just have to remember that your daughter comes first! I went through the same thing with my sons dad. I has never been easy dealing with him and it has only gotten a little easier over the years. My son is now almost 6 and he very rarley sees his dad. I stressed over the same situation for so long then one day i just decided that it was up to him to make the commitment to our son and there was nothing that i could do to make him be a man. I found a great job and support my son with little if any help from him. I have never kept our son from him and have always tried to do what i could so that he could see him. When our son gets older he will make the decision for himself about his dad. He has already started to realze that "daddy doesn't want to see me." As long as you love your daughter that is all that will ever matter.

Jennifer - posted on 08/26/2009

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go see a lawyer get it all sorted legaly as soon as possibly its better this way it doesnt have to get nasty but a legal agreement is best for everyone involved, is he on the birth certificate? if not i dont think he is responsible for medical bills or most decisions that will need to be made for your daughter, if you do this you are giving him the oppertunity to do the right thing and thats all you can do for your daughter and she'll thank you in the long run that you tried with her father, as for him buying cars and nice things thats up to him but remember you have your beautifull wee girl and no amount of cars can compare with her!!! x good luck

Caitlin - posted on 08/25/2009

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talk to a goverment official who works it social services , explain to them ur circumstances they'll be there for you, help you make the hard desisions. i hope you have a really supportive family. thats my advise. good luck. he doesnt deserve you or ur daughter.

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