single mother, struggling and praying 4 better days

Barbie - posted on 03/13/2009 ( 8 moms have responded )

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hello 2 all.. I have no idea what i am really doing.. I am a single mother of 2. i have 2 beautiful boys ethyn2 and eli will be 1 on 4-15. I luv and adore my boys!!!!!! Its just really hard when the father cant get his life together !!!! Im tired of asking why and what did i do 2 not have my family that i deserve!!!! The only thing the father does is give me hopeless dreams just 2 let me down over and over again!!! He has not worked a legit job in 2 yrs.. He left me when i was pregnant w/ eli and came bk. right b4 he was born.. 2day he told me 2 stop calling him.. He doesnt want me and that i need 2 find somebody else and he can find someone else!!! ive waited on him for 4 yrs praying that he will get his life together... i dont know what else 2 do!!! Ive tried dating and im not interested!!! Men that have themselves together.. but i just cant stop loving him 4 some reason!!! The thought of another man raising his children hurts me!!! I just dont know what 2 do any more... I pray and pray and i feel like god doesnt hear me.. or maybe what hes trying 2 tell me i dont want 2 hear.. maybe god is punishing me...

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Daphne - posted on 03/14/2009

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Hi Barbie,



 



Not so long ago, I've felt how u r feeling right now. My kids father moved to another state after webroke up. I felt ashamed of my situation, single with 2 kids (my kids r 2yrs old and 1 yr old now)and alone.  However I discovered God and faith, I realize that  as long as my kids father was taking all my energy, I was miss out on a greater treasure.  I started going back to church and found groups that I related 2, I began a relationship with god and now I have clear understand of why these thing happen.  I cant tell u why ur kids father is an asshole but I can tell u that GOD wants ur attention and with asshole in ur way, he cant reach u.  U will get pass this and don't worry about a relationship right now; focus on get urself n a better situation. 



 



My kids father and I r do better away from eachother.  We want to try again but we needed to grow separately  than together.  I know that I always want the "fairtale family" but I know that I can live with or without it. However I cant live without GOD in my life and I needed to go though the low point to reach a new high and confidence in myself.  Work on u and ur kids and let god take care of the rest, he is the provider and healer my life. I hope u find strenght in support from the great responds u received.  Give God a chance and when you cant rest because ur mind is raceing, open your bible and just read, read and talk to God out loud let him know how u feel, he is alway listening.



 



Best of luck to u and ur kids.

Casey - posted on 03/14/2009

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well, as far as advice goes, i don't really know i would feel so miserable too.. i hate that men put women through this so often. but i wanted to say that your boys are soooooooo handsome/cute!

Joan - posted on 03/14/2009

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I was always told that God will never give you more than you can handle. It may seem difficult to see at times but do what you think is best for you and your kids. Good luck,

Glenda - posted on 03/14/2009

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This is not your fault, please don't be so hard on yourself. I know to a point how you feel and believe me the road does get better. IT is SO hard to raise children on your known by yourself, let alone having to deal with the immaturity of a man. God was my strength when I was going through my hardest times and I too felt like he was abandoning me. It took God 4 years to answer my prayers (to bring my son and I a loving daddy), I know that it seems like a long time but he answers prayers in his time, I believe, when it is to our greatest benefit. Believe me I live each day with the thought that God only gives you as much as you can handle so take it to heart that he knows you can handle these two beautiful boys and he knows you are doing the job he has asked of you too do the best you know how.



I gave my son's father every opportunity to see and get to know his son, each time I offered, the father would punch me down telling me things like he is not my son to I have better things to do with my life. I felt lost and hopeless. I continued to offer for 7 years (even after I met my husband) then I looked at my son and just thought to myself "Who is he going to be angry with when he is older me or his father?" I will bet it will not be me, the one who loved and provided for him.



So smile and take it to heart your children are your strength and your sunshine. They will learn to respect the decisions you make and will understand why you made them with time. For now take care of mommy and do what you have to do. I would never tell you which way to go but definately take the road that when you look back your going to be smiling. You can not be held responsible for the decisions of others.

Pat - posted on 03/14/2009

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Hi barbie ,



It will hurt at first and it does get better,you will find some one else as time goes on,I had a ex that wouldnt get his act together,and after a while I was giving up on men but then I met my husband and Im so much happier,you will get there it just takes time hun,I do know how you feel x

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Larissa - posted on 03/14/2009

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My kids father was very similar. He quit his job when my daughter wasn't even a month. Hasn't hardly worked since. He stopped going to dr apts when I was pregnant with my son. My daughter was born with Down Syndrom and he got depressed and has never dealt with it. After the ultrasound he quit going to my apt while pregnant. He sat up all day and night and played video games never took care of the kids. I told him to get out cuz I was so fed up. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but me and my kids have done better without him around. You wouldn't guess that they don't have a dad around. They are both doing awesome. I have told their dad if he wants to see them to contact me and he hardly ever wants to see them but it is his choice. My kids are happy, healthy, growing, and learning. Thats all that matters. I wanted my ideal family to but I just realized each family is unique and different and as long as you and the kids are doing good and happy thats the ideal family in my opinion. If you need someone to talk to I am more than willing to. My son was 3 months old when I told their dad to get out. My kids are 22 months apart. They are now 3 and 5!

Susan - posted on 03/13/2009

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First off God does not punish His children by these means.



God does say that a man must provide for his family, work to put food on the table.



Also to train them up in the way they should go so that when they are old they will not depart from it. It sound like he is not do a good job yet. Doesn't mean he can't just means he's not currantly. Continue to pray for him, but thank God for the great things he hasn't yet done but will do.Thank God for the great job he WILL have and the great father he WILL learn to be and all the great things yet to come. But be aware that if you are not ment to be with this man you need to move on for your boys. The biggest thing that got me when I left my ex was...Did I want my girls to be treated this way...did I want my boys to treat their wives this way and could I justify it to those women? So you need to ask yourself...do you want your boys to be like him? Boys learn how to treat women from the male role model in there life. It is hard but if there is a better man out there, you need to be willing to allo him in becasue you never know what you are shutting out.



One more thing our pastor tells the single ladies or dating one's, if he has not married you after 2 years its time to move on cause he will never commit....just a little food for thought. I really hope thing work out for you; you will be in my prayers...keep in touch.

Tiffani - posted on 03/13/2009

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Hi Barbie !



I am very sorry about what is going on in your life right now. And i wish you and your beautiful boys the best! If the father is acting this way towards you amd his kids then I would just drop him. If I were you I would just get on with my life and raise my kids the best I could as a single mother. Take him for child support so that he will have to atleast support them and what they need.



I wish you the best of luck!!!!!!



Write me back anytime if you need to talk.



(:

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