Smoking mother in laws

Steph - posted on 11/17/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I am due in a few weeks and have a very bad mother in law situation. A little bit about me is I am a asthmatic, and I react really badly to cigarette smoke to where sometimes I am placed in the hospital. My mother in law is a woman who smokes with the windows up in the car, so I try to avoid her because I will have a reaction being around her if she been smoking( which is all the time) my husband understands and keeps her away if she reeks of cigarette smoke and backs me as much as possible. But she does not understand and said it’s all a excuse to keep her from my twins. I told her if she does not clean her car, shower, and wash her hair than not smoke before she comes over then I can’t have her at my house because I can’t be around her and I don’t want to see if one of my boys (when they are born) have the same reaction as me. Her excuse is that I am defective and that she smoked with my husband in the car when he was a baby and no reaction and I am just trying to be a major B***h and keep her away. I have gotten doctors notes, explained it every way possible that I can that I can’t be around her if she smokes and her solutions is to let her take the boys and drive away with them so she can spend time with them. I can’t let my husband take her over to her house because she smokes inside the house and you can smell it from the front door and I don’t want my little men exposed to this. How do I handle this situation, she has me in tears because she will not understand and bashes me to my own family saying I am not willing to compromise to make her happy.

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Denikka - posted on 11/18/2013

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Number one, check the laws in your area. Many places have now put laws in place where it is illegal to smoke with people under the age of 18 in a vehicle. That may help take care of that.

Number two, you don't have to compromise. This is not a situation of whether to feed pureed peas or carrots first, or what kind of diapers or wipes is preferred. This is your health. This is your babies' health. She doesn't need to understand it, she doesn't need to agree with it. She needs to accept it and follow it. If anyone in the family says anything to you because of her bashing, just plain and simple tell them that the health of your children is more important than her feelings. Second and third hand smoke can be just as dangerous as smoking a cigarette yourself.
The ONLY concession I may be willing to make would be to have hubby take the kids and meet her in a public place. As long as she doesn't smoke, he'll stay and she can spend time with the kids. As soon as she steps out for a cigarette, he leaves.
It's time to bring out the mama bear. Like I said, she doesn't have to like it, or to understand why, she just needs to do it.

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