So confused :(

De - posted on 10/21/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I now have a 3 month old baby boy who I love so much and would do anything for! I've been with the dad for 3 years now and he's been in college out of town the majority of it. We planned our baby after having a miscarriage. We were both so excited!! Well I was.. Come may of 2013 I found out this past college year he had slept with 4 other randoms and messed around with 3.. I was completely heartbroken! I truly thought I had it all! My man being done school, moving in together, having our baby. Than I get thrown that. But he still claims he loves me and wants everything to work out. I had my babe in July and I moved in with him to be a family.. After my baby was about a week it was like the novelty of having a son to him wore off. He would sit on his phone or computer when he got home from work rather than play and talk with his son. He would expect me to have everything done. (My son doesn't sleep so I'm up all night) do men not understand?!?! I work 24/7 not 12 hours like him. He of course would pull the "I'll change". Yet he will be good for awhile than its all about him. Recently I moved back to my moms with my baby. And we are still "seeing each other" but I constantly worry now that he has the house to himself that he's cheating again. Whenever I want to talk about stuff that happened ( I'm a talker to deal with things). He will push it away. He doesn't want to ever talk and always just says. "It happened I shouldn't have done it but nothing we can do now about it". He doesn't understand that actions speak louder than words.. If it wasn't for my son I would have probably left him months ago!! But me and my bf both come from broken families and I do not wish that upon my child!! I don't know what to do any more. He's always choosing himself and what he wants to do over his son :(. Ex: the other night we were all hanging out having a family night and while sitting there together he went and made other plans to go drink at a friends and I tried to talk to him about it but nope mind was made and he left me and his son. But than of course the next day is apologetic and wanting to hang out :(. He's taken me for a total roller coaster! We don't deserve to be his second choice all the time. Family comes first and he doesn't get it :'(. Ladies please no harsh words. But I don't know what to do anymore. And I need to talk. I want what we use to have back. If I could rewind a year I would. I was so happy :( and now I'm upset all the time and try to be happy and healthy for my baby but its so hard. I love him and want to be with him yet i want to be happy and cared for ... but he needs to grow up and I'm scared it won't happen. :'(

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Michelle - posted on 10/28/2013

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I come from a broken home as well and I pray my son never has to have that, however, sometimes we just have no choice. If you can not trust your boyfriend, that should be a red flag. However, also keep in mind that sometimes people just need breaks from each other. My, now husband, and I split up 3 years ago. It was horrible! He began talking to somebody else and left me so as not to leave me hanging. He came running back a few weeks later. After gjving him a hard time and working together to rekindle our love, we now have a 5 month old baby boy and have been married for 3 months. Try going on a date with him. Lay out your feelings even is he does not respond. He is listening...I promise. If things do not get better, walk away and always always rememer...if it is meant to be it will be.

Undead_sd - posted on 10/24/2013

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Some guys just aren't ready. I've seen it happen to my friends multiple times. You and your baby deserve someone who wants to spend time with you, not someone who is forced to. If he's not willing to, I guarantee there's another guy out there who would happily sit at home with you two. Honestly, that's how I knew my husband was "the one". Instead of going out with his friends, he stays home with me. If he does go out, I'm always invited and he doesn't go unless I go with him. Relationships only work if your spouse is your best friend.

Angela - posted on 10/24/2013

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I remember being in your shoes many years ago. My daughter is 17 now and he has not changed. I thought that with time he would mature and cultivate the good parts of him that I loved and put behind his selfish ways but sadly it is not so. I have been married now for 10 years to a wonderful MAN and we have added 4 more children to our family. I regret all my waisted years trying to "work it out". My advice would be to be the best mother you can be to your child and to live your life for the two of you. You can forgive his actions but that doesn't mean you have to reconcile your relationship. You can be civil with him for your child's sake but without trust you have nothing. Everything you said and all the reasons why you are hurt and confused are valid and good reasons to put him behind you. You can do so much better for both you and your child. Do not settle because you love him.....your head needs to be part of this equation too. An opinion from someone who has been there. Blessings to you and your little guy.

De - posted on 10/21/2013

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Thanks Nikki. It's like I'm fighting with myself over everything. This little devil on my shoulder is an ass! It's so hard :( Ughhh it is getting easier by the day though.

Nikki - posted on 10/21/2013

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If i was u personally, i would leave, i understand that u both come from 'broken homes' , but ur baby can sense ur unhappy and can also sense the tension between u both. U obviously don't trust him, and to be honest no one can blame you! But sticking with him for your son can do more harm than good. And i can tell u want to put ur lol man 1st, but staying with his dad when there's so much going on and so much tension can upset the baby, which might stress u and upset u, which then upsets baby even more, and its a never ending cycle.
hope this helps.
'hugs' xx

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