spank or no spank

Ashli Faye - posted on 09/17/2009 ( 23 moms have responded )

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i spank my boy my mom spanked me i now know why but somtimes i dont like to spank so spank or not spank

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Bonnie - posted on 09/21/2012

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Personally, my choice is never to spank. My son responds well to time outs and counting (believe it or not). If I say he needs to do something before I get to the count of three and I start counting he steps into gear. He even starts saying "No don't count Mama!" We also use a lot of positive reinforcement when he does the right thing. I think spanking was accepted in our parents generation but we have the option (and the knowledge) now to not allow it. There are many options other than spanking for discipline. I realize you probably are being gentle with him but I don't want to teach my kids that its ok to lay a hand on another in any circumstance. Children can easily misinterpret things and think it's okay in general.

Saskia - posted on 09/29/2009

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I am absolutly against spanking! I have a 19 month old son and a 3 month old daughter when she came along he got very jealous and tried to hit her (actually did hit her once) all I did is put the baby down and put my son in the naughty corner until he calmed down. I also put him there when he's trying to bite or jumping on the couch and stuff like that. I give him a warning first and if he doesn't listen he's off in the naughty corner. And I have to say he is the best behaved one and a half year old I have ever seen! He doesn't try to hurt his sister anymore hardly ever bites and he even holds on to the pram when I tell him to (when walking by himself) just the other day I got a clompliment of a stranger that her daughter also 19 months would never do that and that I must be a very good mum! I am quite strikt but I think the tone of voice is enough to make clear to a child that you are crossed no need to spank is there?
I believe a child learns by copying ( just remember how they learn to talk?! by copying what you say!!) and if you spank you send the wrong messege!

Meagan - posted on 09/17/2009

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The way I see it, it's a trial and error thing. It depends on how he responds. Every child reponds to different kinds of discipline. Some kids don't respond to time-outs and spakings seem to get they're attention more. Some kids cannot stand to be away from their fun activity or friends, so time-outs work well for them.

But I also think that spankings should be for when they are doing something that could hurt them because it shows them it's serious and it could cause pain. Also, when you're telling him over and over not to, or to do something, I think he needs to know who has authority. But I don't spank hard; just enough to make a sound and to get they're attention.

But everything will have a bad side to it. Spankings could teach him to be aggressive and hit when his playmates aren't "listening" to him. Time-outs may not work unless he truly understands what he's getting punished for. And most of the time, kids aren't thinking about what they did wrong, but how long it's going to be until they can go play again.

Try different ways and see which ones work best for him.

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[deleted account]

I agree with the people saying it depends on the kid. Time outs worked for me but not my sister, she got spanked way more than I did. She is fine now I'd say way smarter than I am.



Now for my son I'll try time out first and if that doesn't seem to work my husband and I will figure out something different. We have some time to figure it out though as the little guy is only 6 months old.

Jenny - posted on 09/28/2009

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i recently read an article saying that a new study shows lowered IQ in children who have been spanked. I DISAGREE! i was spanked more than my fair share as a child, even with some instances that would be seen as child abuse even then, and my IQ is actually fairly high. a lot of these studies that are coming out are people who view any kind of physical punishment as abuse.
i strongly believe in spanking, but done in love, not in anger, and as a cause and effect lesson. anything that could cause them harm that they continue to do after being told not to = spanking in my book. taking candy from a stranger, unless told ok by mom and dad = spanking, due to the high rate of kidnapping and such. running out into the street, touching an oven repeatedly, getting into matches or knives, things that could seriously end in tragedy all lead to spankings. that's just my opinion. it is a hard topic, and one that's highly debated, but it's an important one.
also, just to clarify what spanking is in my book: an open-handed smack on the butt. or two, depending on what's happened.

Jennifer - posted on 09/27/2009

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Hey there... I have thought about this too and wonder what kind of ways I will discipline my little guy as he grows... I recently saw this on another post I am on tho: Early spankings harm toddlers - new study, http://www.healthday.com/Article.asp?AID... Might help you in your decision as to whether to spank or not...

Amy - posted on 09/27/2009

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In my experience I would have to say, it depends on what the child has done. I put mine in the corner for small offences, but when it comes to something that could have hurt them or someone else then yes I do spank!!

Melissa - posted on 09/23/2009

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I think spanking is humiliating for a child and no one likes to be humiliated, although I do believe in tapping the hand when they touch something they should'nt. I don't judge people who do spank their children, as long as they don't do it in public or in front of other people because then you are humiliating and belittling your child which come people could consider that emotional abuse.

Nicole - posted on 09/21/2009

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I totally disagree that spanking is a "glorified physical method of instilling fear in the child" every child is different and certain behavioral approaches do not work for every child. Spanking should never be about anger or pain it should be about consequence, cause and effect. I have a background in behavioral psychology and with very young children a combination of positive and negative reinforcement is very effective in my opinion. Spanking like any other behavioral approach is not effective without consistency, work, and dedication. It is absolutely not a shortcut to correcting behavior if you're doing it right.

Candice - posted on 09/21/2009

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I say spank depending on how the child reacts to it. There is a huge debate in the USA on this because of "child abuse", but as long as it is a somewhat soft swat and not full on hitting...its ok. My little boy is only 14months old, there is no way I would start spanking this early. Once they know what is right and what is wrong, get their time outs and what have yous, then spank... thats my idea on the issue. Hope this helps you!

Pam - posted on 09/21/2009

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no spank



As a child and youth counselor and mother, I would recommend some other alternatives to spanking. Spanking is just a glorified physical method of instilling fear in the child. Instead of taking the shortcut of correcting behavior (which can develop into low self-esteem self/worth) One could use "behavioral approaches" that just like everything good, comes with a healthy dose of work, consistency and dedication.

Carrie - posted on 09/20/2009

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it depends if everything else has not worked, it's a last resort to ignoring the behaviour, warning them, time out if all else fails. but i have found since i started praising my 6 year old for little things he does right, he behaves better anyway. i think he's only had a smack once in the last 6 months for letting go of my hand and running accross a road to see his friend on the way to school. and even then i got the worst looks off other mum's.

Betty - posted on 09/20/2009

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Time outs work fine for me. They take a little more time but it's worth it when it means teaching your children right from wrong. When I do the time outs I just sit her in a designated area and give her time to calm down(normally her bed because if she falls asleep it's a bonus). I don't bother with using a timer because young children have no concept of time anyway. Soon as she calms down we talk about why she got in trouble and soon as she says sorry she is done. Because she is my step daughter spanking is never an option anyway.
I spanked a girl I was babysitting once and it worked great so I'm not against it. Just as long as the children are only upset about the fact that they were spanked and not crying because of pain it is totally fine. You don't really want to hurt them.

Jessica - posted on 09/19/2009

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i spank only in certain circumstances,,, like if hes running around in the kitchen with me cooking and if told him 3 times "don't touch the oven" hes obviously not listening and its a safety thing so then i spank him, but if its something like "get away from the tv", thats when i try to distract him with toys or food or a drink, sometimes its the best immediate action, other times its not, i think its down to parental discrection. and theres a line between a spank and abuse, in my opinion (and its only mine) if u hit more than twice for the same thing at one time thats on the border, if u hit more i feel its too much and unneccessary, i think in most cases once is enough, and it doesnt have to hurt them, it just has to stun them enough to know that u are goin to do what u say ur goin to do so next time u dont have to spank. this theory has worked so far with my 2 &1/2 yr old boy.

[deleted account]

This question gets asked a million times over. There is no right or wrong answer. It turns into a very heated debate, where parents get called bad parents if they do "spank". Some people don't seem to understand that there is a differnce between how forcefull the spank is. Also theres some that say children who are not disaplined with spanking walk over their parents.

April - posted on 09/19/2009

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I spank my kids and I have to say, they are very well behaved. They do not act like animals nor do they feel unloved. As a matter of fact, the other day I had to discipline my four year old with a spanking and afterward he hugged me and told me I was the best mom in the world. Wow. I look at it from a Biblical perspective and when you follow Biblical principles, you can't go wrong. You have to do it in love though. Your kids know when you are angry and when you are spanking them out of anger rather than correction. And, no one likes to spank their child. It breaks my heart but...I ask myself " Is a little bit of pain now better than an eternity of it?" And the answer is most definitely YES! Both of my boys are happy and healthy and as long as they need a spanking now and then, they'll get it. Along with lots of hugs and kisses. =)

Nicole - posted on 09/19/2009

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I think if it's used in conjunction with positive reinforcement and never done in anger or done in a way that inflicts an injury it can be effective. Young children learn not to poke themselves in the eye because it results in a negative consequence, spanking can help them make that same connection.

Jamie - posted on 09/19/2009

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i seen the other night.parents that had extremely troubled kids.they were advised to walk away from the child,and the child calm down pretty quickly.i don't like spanking,and when i have popped my kids in the past,it would makes things a lot worse.you figure,you would have to hit the child enough to make them afraid to cross you.my kids know i won't hurt them.therefor.when they mess up,they will come to me,or try to fix it if they are able to.i have found that walking away from them works best. think about when you get in an argument w/ someone.if that person would walk away,things would calm down,and then there wouldn't be any damage.it's the same way with kids.the only thing they know is that your mad at them.they won't get way you were so mad until they were grown.did you ever get in trouble when you were doing something innocent in your mind,but it was made out that w/e it was,was horrible.good luck.different ppl have different feelings. i know several ppl that spank.really spank their kids.and the kids will act almost like animals sometimes.mine act up and aren't perfect,but they're pretty good,compared to the kids i have been that really get punished. there's no perfect parent.if you feel it's not right,then it might not be.if you walk away and calm down,you might think through it better,and find something that might work better. if they walk out in the street.that's,then yeah,wear him out. i think i would even get a switch or belt for that one.the pain from that will heal quicker than a car hitting him.

Jaime - posted on 09/17/2009

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There is already a lengthy discussion about this on the "Welcome to Circle of Moms" page. I would suggest reading through that thread instead of starting the discussion over again.

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