Spending to much time with the Ex...

[deleted account] ( 7 moms have responded )

My boyfriend and I have a 3 month old and he also has a 3yr old. He and his ex split custody of her. He does all the picking up and dropping off 5 days a week. When he drops her off in the afternoon, he spends about an hour there everyday. Is it wrong that I feel like he shouldnt be there. That he should be dropping her off saying goodbye and leaving. Or even request that she meet him somewhere so he doesnt have to go to her house all the time. It really bugs me and I rarely say anything about it. When i do he gets mad at me for telling him how i feel, that hes spending so much time over there..

Now when he comes back home, within 5 minutes his phone is going off and its a text from her, about something, whether its important or not.

How do i get him to realize that he shouldnt be over there so much... and that im getting fed up with the amount of time he is spending over there..

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Kylie - posted on 09/06/2009

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ok i do agree you have very valid points to make.i would just like to make a few ideas to you though ...if you had split custody of your kids would you just stay in the car wave them off and drive away??? see you 2moro kind of thing..what is she like???is she clean does he need to see how his child lives???or what type of order she keeps her house in and if she has anyone there?? don't get me wrong i think you should def. think that her txting him and if his staying there an hour after everyday is sus..is there anyway that he and she would come to the agreement to do split days so he only needs to drop her off every other day and she stays half and half because if theres a court order to do so she can't change that???i think and i know you said you'v tried to talk but he gets angry at you but i do think you should know exactly what you want to say how it effects you emotionaly and in your relationship with him talk to him calmly not straight after a txt or when he comes home because he might think your attacking him with it but choose your moment and have some way or ideas to change the situation for the best for all of you not just you..if he wont have it or he keeps refusing i think thats a sign and you need to be straight up and hounest ...

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Jessica - posted on 09/30/2009

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awww bless u its so not nice is it?

I had this prob with my ex thou, i never had a child with him. he had a child with someone, he didnt see his child for years then out of the blue he gets a letter from her saying shes sorry that she kept him away from his son and even though we were together for 2 years he started to call her and got pretty obsessed. he dumped me four days after recieving the letter lol. and they got bk together. their not together now thou and iv met the love of my life who iv had a child with. However, as iv been on ur end the warning signs r definately there. i dont wanna hurt u but i think one hr is way too long to be spending at the mother of your childs house, he has had his child for the weekend or whatever so should only have miminal contact with the ex. as in bye,see you next time. a bit like a business really cos its only because of the child that they have to be civil. r they friends thou??? if she texts thats just wrong she could just ring so u no whats goin on. a txt is shady and is sayin dnt show this to ur gf. as u have a child with him also i doubt its anything to worry urself bout as his comin home to u and ur child everyday. u do need to tell him that its not rite wat he is doin. he cant be having friendly chats with the ex!!!!!

Michelle - posted on 09/17/2009

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just kick him in the nutz take his phone away and that'll be the end LOL love auntie shelly :)

Esmeralda - posted on 09/07/2009

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Quoting kylie:

ok i do agree you have very valid points to make.i would just like to make a few ideas to you though ...if you had split custody of your kids would you just stay in the car wave them off and drive away??? see you 2moro kind of thing..what is she like???is she clean does he need to see how his child lives???or what type of order she keeps her house in and if she has anyone there?? don't get me wrong i think you should def. think that her txting him and if his staying there an hour after everyday is sus..is there anyway that he and she would come to the agreement to do split days so he only needs to drop her off every other day and she stays half and half because if theres a court order to do so she can't change that???i think and i know you said you'v tried to talk but he gets angry at you but i do think you should know exactly what you want to say how it effects you emotionaly and in your relationship with him talk to him calmly not straight after a txt or when he comes home because he might think your attacking him with it but choose your moment and have some way or ideas to change the situation for the best for all of you not just you..if he wont have it or he keeps refusing i think thats a sign and you need to be straight up and hounest ...



i totally agree

Melissa - posted on 09/07/2009

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i dont have an ex probleme but i thought our babysiter who was 19 at the time spent way to much time at home even if he was home she wouldnt leave. well i found out that she wanted to be with him and that the only reason he didnt was because of me and when we split they started dating. after a month and a half he appolagized and said that it just wasnt the same and he would never do it again. you just have to confront him about it thats what i did and ok yes we split up but if he doesnt want to be with you hes just gona keep on doing that and who knows what hes doing with the ex sorry but im just being honest

[deleted account]

First off, there has to be trust in a relationship. Trust your gut to a certain degree. If it was me, I would have the same feelings as you. He's dropping off his son after being with him. Why does he have to spend more time at his Ex's place also? Is he still there for the kid or for the ex?

Second, their needs to be communication. Even though your boyfriend may get upset when you bring up your concern, he needs to listen to you. He needs to hear your side and hear how it makes you feel. You have valid points that need to be heard. For me it would come down to "If you love and care about me, listen to me and validate my feelings."

From a personal note, I have my ex pick up and drop off our son at my house. But he does not stay. I don't even let him into the entry way. He gives a hug, kiss and I love you to his son, then its I'll see you next time. No harsh words between the two of us, but its "HI, How was everything, well I'll see ya next time."

Krista - posted on 08/30/2009

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Honestly, I havent had this problem seems how my fiance has no other kids except the one im carrying but i know tht he had this problem with me when my son was first returned to me. My ex came over all the time to see Damien and he'd call all the time for no reason. He knew that there was nothing to worry about bc he used to beat me but theres always that thought in the back of peoples minds. I think that you should just sit down and tell him how you feel with out getting angry and see what he has to say. You may just be over reacting but I'm not gonna lie, I'd be the same way.

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