Step Parenting Issue

Lauren - posted on 08/10/2011 ( 18 moms have responded )

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I have a question. I have two children, a 5 year old son and an 8 month old daughter. My husband isn't my son's biological father. The two have had some issues with getting along, but it's getting better. My issue is, my husbands parents mentioned something to me yesterday about having my son call my husband "Daddy". It seems they think this would help my husband with raising him a bit more. I was going to leave that up to my son. He knows that my husband isn't his Dad, but that's his sister's daddy. He also knows his biological father and calls him Daddy, even though he hasnt seen him since he was a little over a year old.

I just don't know what to do about the issue. Should I get him to start calling his step dad "daddy" or is there some other term of endearment I can use? Or should he just continue to call his step dad by his first name like he does now?

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Angela - posted on 08/12/2011

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I agree with you it should be your son's choice ..if he feels that his step father is deserving of the title of daddy one day congratulations that's means he is awesome because not every step parent gets that title "mom or dad" I am a step and I also have a step dad and I tell you my step dad he deserves the title and more and it took me along time to realize it and people were pushing my mom to hv my siblings call my step dad ..dad even though we definatly were old enough and knew /know our biologial...it's a hard call sometimes but the saying holds to no matter mom or dad ...anyone can be a mother/father it takes someone special to me a mom/mommy, dad/daddy. ur lil' man will know when the time is right if ever dont push him

Christina - posted on 08/14/2011

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Children should never be forced to call a stepparent Mom or Dad. That being said, children should also not be forced to NOT call them mom or dad. It is the child's choice, and all the adults need to put on their big girl and boy panties and deal with it. Three of my four children call my husband "Daddy." My oldest doesn't because his dad is a very active person in our son's life. However, he will occasionally call my husband "dad" just like he will call his stepmom "mom". It is okay with us because it is his choice.

[deleted account]

just becuase you don't call them dad doesn't make them dad, my ex had a step father who raise him and this brother from the time they were 4 and 3mths. they never called him dad they always used his first name, but if any one asked them who he was they would always discribe him as their father. if you son wants to call him daddy and you are both with that then go for it, but calling him by the first name doesn't make his role any less special.

Sarah - posted on 08/11/2011

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definately up to your son. I have a 10 yr old Stepson and he calls me by my name. His mum tried pushing on him that he had to call her husband dad and me by my name (yes there is a bit of animosity there ) however we let him know that if he ever want to call me or her husband mum or dad then that was entirely up to him and nobody else choice.

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Ettina - posted on 02/11/2013

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Telling them to call him Daddy will not make them more bonded to him. If he wants to use that word himself, that's great. But don't pressure him.

I would say tell him 'it's OK if you call your stepfather 'Daddy', and it's OK if you don't. It's your choice'. Let him know because he might be thinking he's not supposed to call him Daddy.

Rosa - posted on 08/15/2011

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Its his choice hey, don't force the kid. all u can teach him is to love and respect him as if it was his own father and vice versa.

Inthiany - posted on 08/14/2011

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Step parenting is hard because you have to try to win the children's heart first and that's something that has to come natural! It shouldn't matter if the step parent is called mom or dad because in reality they are not the real parent. My suggestion to you is have a talk with your husband first and see how he feels about your son and what's preventing him to not have such a close relationship with your son and then do the same with your son. Once you get their opinions you can get a better idea of what's going on with the two and try to help them get closer!

Camillia - posted on 08/12/2011

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The answer to ur question if ur son daddy haven't been in his son live than you bring another man in that's helping him and doing things that a father and son should do even tho he's not his real daddy. It is very importantfor him to call him dad cuz since his biology father is not with him he should call whoever took care of him daddy and it might take some time.

Lauren - posted on 08/12/2011

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Thanks so much everyone!

I actually talked to my husband about this and it seems that he really wishes my son would call him something, even if it was just step-dad over his first name. I didn't know that it meant that much to my husband.

I think I'm going to try to talk to my son about the option of calling my husband something, some term close to daddy and let him know that if he wants to, then it's okay to call him something.

Jenni - posted on 08/12/2011

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I'd personally leave it up to him to decide what he feels comfortable with calling him. But maybe you could let him know the option is there, or rather have your husband let him know that he would be comfortable with it if your son wishes. But ultimately, it should be his choice.

I think in cases where the the bio parent is uninvolved, your partners commitment to the family is long term (ie marriage) and your son's sister is blood related to him that it would be kosher.

But if your husband is willing to take on the commitment of father he should fully own it. If, godforbid, you were to divorce your partner should be willing to still play the role of his father. It would be hard enough on your son to lose one father, let alone a second time.

Rufaro - posted on 08/12/2011

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Hie i have a six year old son and have been with my boyfriend now for close to three years. My son calls him uncle and tells me that he has two dads...maybe you could try introducing the word uncle and see how your son takes it...hope this helps.

Keri - posted on 08/11/2011

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Your son is old enough to know your husband isn't his dad, so your husband and your son should have a little talk about how they will talk to each other. If they agree on how to interact with one another, maybe one day your son will "slip" and say dad. My cousins are not my uncle's biological children and I can remember them calling him by his first name for a long time (even after he adopted them). Eventually he became Dad.

Benchinique - posted on 08/11/2011

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when i was younger my step father made me call him daddy and it felt like i was choking everytime i said it so i avoided speaking to him as much as possible ( we did nit have a good relationship at all) i would have ure son and ure husband sit down or go out on their own and really talk about y they have been having small issues and where they stand with each other. if they talk about it without u it may help to establish a better parental relationship and help them to understand and appreciate the relationship that they have

[deleted account]

I think it should be left up to your son. If he wants to all your husband "Dad" then he should be allowed to.

Kristina - posted on 08/10/2011

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what ever your son is comfortable calling him is best. you can talk to ur son and see how he feels about calling his step father daddy. just dont push the issue. i have a step father and i have always called him by his first name but he also became my step father when i was 13. ur son is young enough that in time when he is ready he could change his mind and start calling him daddy. it could take a few years. and the issues the 2 have with each other im sorry to say will always be there. it has been 13 years that i have had a step father and we still have our issues. other term of endearment could be papa.thats what my lil sisters call my step father(their dad)
good luck to you

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