Stress... I am a sahm of an almost 20 month old. kind of a ven, kind of need advice about how to deal with stress.

Kendra - posted on 12/05/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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So I am a stay at home mom of an almost 20 month old. And I am under a lot of stress right now. Mainly because I here at home with him almost all the time unless I have to go to the store or something of the sort and even then he is with almost all the time then. I can not go anywhere without him. I feel like I'm at my breaking point with him. and he has been extremly fussy for the past two or three days. I swear it's like he is starting terrible two's early or something. But I have been extremly stressed lately due to family drama from my in-laws mostly, also I've been stressed about stuff like bills and lack of time with my husband. Yes we have not had alone time or speacil time together in months, all my husband dose is work, he is a computer tech and it seems like that is all he dose is work. I understand that he needs to work to make money to support us but he never has a break. I am also really worried that him working so much is going to kill him because he has high blood pressure too. idk maybe I'm over thinking that last one. but I am just at my witt's end with all of this.... I know I am just in disbritt need of small break for a day or two but I can never get one...

So anyway what do you ladies do to releave your stress level when you can't get away from your kids?

No bashing please... I didn't come here for that....

Thank you in advice...

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Lorraine - posted on 12/05/2012

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I'm a SAHM of twins, and we don't have alot of money, so I'm pretty restricted on what we can do, too, since gas is expensive! My question to you is this-- do you have some girlfriends in your life, other moms, etc.? One thing that is awesome is getting some people together for a play group--you get grown-up time, kid gets play time, and it will also help with your son's separation anxiety if you're there with him because he'll have the luxury of sticking close to you until he gets used to the idea of hanging out with the other kids, and then he can go and play when he's ready.

Someone else posted just taking a walk, and that totally helps me when things are crazy at my house. Regular exercise also helps with stress. I do a workout video that I downloaded for free from youtube. In order to do that, I either do it while my boys are napping, or put them in their completely baby-proofed bedroom to play for the 30 minutes of the video, depending on whether they're actually going to take a nap today lol. I try to remind myself that taking that time for me is good for them because it makes me a better mom, and they are good at playing for that amount of time without me. I can also hear them very clearly if they do get into trouble. I absolutely stress the baby-proofing, though, especially for a 20 month old lol I think it would probably be beneficial to both Dad and baby to spend more one on one time together, but a big part of that is whether Dad is willing (and able, since he is working so much) to put the time in for your son to be comfortable with him. If he's not able to right now, then it would really help to find someone else that you can lean on for a break now and then. My husband gets up with our boys in the morning so I can sleep in a little bit (since I am a night owl) and then I take care of the rest of the day, and when he gets home, we bathe them, give them their bedtime bottles, and put them to sleep together. I don't know the situation, but any extra involvement by your husband will probably help tons! I read something when I was pregnant that has always shaped how we take care of our boys, and that's that as a stay at home mom, your job is to take care of the kids during the day while he's at an outside job, but when he gets home, it's the end of both of your days, so the kids become a mutual responsibility. Even just him taking over bath time while you take some time to regroup would probably help alot. I think too that it's possible that your husband probably even wants to spend more time with him, but thinks he's not needed or that his son doesn't want him. It would probably benefit everyone to talk to your husband about it in a non-attacking way, and see if there is any way that he could fit into your son't routine a little bit more. Even 15-20 minutes for a bath might be a welcome escape for a tired mommy!

September - posted on 12/05/2012

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First of all just try to relax. Your son may be fussy because he can sense your stress. I know it can be hard being at home all day every day with a small child. I stayed home with our son for the first year of his life and we had some tough days. I think what helped me was getting out of the house every day for a least a little while. I took him to play groups at our local community center, story time at our local library, took him to gymboree classes, went for a walk at the park, went to babies r us for a little shopping, took him to see his grandma, those sort of things really helped with the cabin fever which in turn helped lessen the stress. I also had a very supportive husband and family that made sure I made time for myself regularly. I would go out get coffee, get a haircut, manicure and pedicure or go out to dinner with a girlfriend or just take a nice long hot bath while reading a good book. As far as spending time with my husband, my MIL would and continues to watch our son every other Friday so that we can have a date night. I really look forward to that one on one time with him. Looking back on that year I spent with our son at home, I'm very thankful I had the opportunity to do so. Just be sure to get out of the house as much as possible and make time for yourself. Good luck!

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Kendra - posted on 12/05/2012

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Thank you both... I have tried many times to talk to my husband about doing more for or with our son, however at this time it still appears to me that my hubby just doesn't want to help out. I feel though that is because he feels, for the time being anyway, not wanted by our son... I have been told several times that he will grow out of it and want to spend more time with his dad, but some days I just don't know.



Yes I also understand that it is my job because I'm not working at the moment, to take care of our son for the most part, and also to do most of the house work. I do not ask my dh to do a lot of house work at all. I only expect him to help with the messes or what have you that he makes...



IDK what to do anymore about the whole situation though. I guess I'll just have to try and relax enough to talk to dh again about the whole thing... But I tell you some days I wander if my son will ever get to the point of wanting his dad more than me and if the two will ever start spending more time together like dh has said. Oh well I guess only time will tell won't it...

thanks again both of you....

September - posted on 12/05/2012

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Hang in there Kendra, it does get better. Maybe just going for a daily walk would help. It's nice to get some fresh air for both you and your son and it will boost your energy level too. I think you should have your son spend more time with his father. Although he doesn't like to the more time he spends with him the more attached he will get. It's good for him to be away from you from time to time. Good luck to you!

Kendra - posted on 12/05/2012

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Well thank you for the advice... But see one of the problems with me getting out is, well long story short, I don't have my lisence yet, granted I am working on getting, try to learn to drive...

Yes I do have family who will watch my son every now and then. My mother in law used to take him every sunday night until her work got to busy to do so, my husband's cousin takes him every now and then, but I think she is going through a few things right now, I'm not sure... anyway... thank you for the advice... but also one of the problems with me getting time alone or even time to relax in my own home is that my son is like super attached to me... he hates being away from me... see this is weird, he dosen't mind someone like my mom or mother in law or dh's cousin watching him but he can't stand dh himself watching him, he won't do anything for dh at all... that is also why I can never get away...

idk what to do anymore... but I will figure it out.... thanks though for the advice and kind words... I really appricate it...

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