suggestions on how to introuduce you kids to a new boy friend

Rebecca - posted on 09/19/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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hi i jsut recentl started to date again after i had my second child but the porblem is well not a porblem jsut i am more stumped is my boy friend watns to get to know my kids but im not sure how to introduce my second oldest to him since his all most 3 hes very attached to me because ima single parent and he is very picky about the people he has around him how could i make this trasition easyer for him my younget is only 4 months old so i am not sure if shed ever realie this yetbut my all most 3 year old is extreamlt smart

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Rebecca - posted on 09/21/2009

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Quoting carrie:



Quoting rebecca:

and your not a single mother eather by the sounds of it.. and really i dont need a doctor to tell me haven a chil riped away from you and up in to foster care isnt tramatic ....... in his mind he is scared ill nevere come back .......granted i got him back six monts later but the damage was done i can not jsut ignore his behavours due tot he fact it willscare him tiwce as much in tot hink im not gonna be ther for him its not so much mad i shouldnt have used that word but its a be fear and insacuraty with my son that he will never have his mommy again .. no guy is worth tramatizing my child any more then the foster care system all ready has and i wouldnt be a goodmotherif i didnt take how my babie feels in to consiteration






it's normal for any child who's a boy to be a mommy's boy, especially with your circumstances i certainly don't think you need to see a doctor. whats a doctor going to do anyway? they have no clue when it comes to kids and emotions unless it's a child psychologist, but then this is not a doctor. it must have been really hard for you having that happen. i once had the nursery call social sevices on my husband, i was so embarased and angry. my mum fosters that means i would not be allowed round her house! the system has got rediculus hasn't it.



 



yes it is rediculouse  how  the  system is but i have to jsut deal with it  but it sure makes meeting any one expecally males very hard  im trying to be mind full of my son and respect his felings as well  i guess  if you dont havea child that has  had  something tramatic happen to them i guess maybe you dont know   how hard it is  jsut to deal with it every day im ntoo saying my baby boy is bad or horrible  it  just  tough only  haven me and no   one else  to help support   the kids  like by the sounds of it  the rest of you ladys have  and even then  if something bad  happend  god forbid to  you babies im sure youd have  your other half with you  ...... i have talked to a  infant mental health worker and well we are working on it but its not all going well  there are still moments that  are  not so good so im  really at my  rops end im trying  very hard to make things better and it seesm like there not going well :( sigh





 

Carrie - posted on 09/21/2009

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Quoting rebecca:

and your not a single mother eather by the sounds of it.. and really i dont need a doctor to tell me haven a chil riped away from you and up in to foster care isnt tramatic ....... in his mind he is scared ill nevere come back .......granted i got him back six monts later but the damage was done i can not jsut ignore his behavours due tot he fact it willscare him tiwce as much in tot hink im not gonna be ther for him its not so much mad i shouldnt have used that word but its a be fear and insacuraty with my son that he will never have his mommy again .. no guy is worth tramatizing my child any more then the foster care system all ready has and i wouldnt be a goodmotherif i didnt take how my babie feels in to consiteration



it's normal for any child who's a boy to be a mommy's boy, especially with your circumstances i certainly don't think you need to see a doctor. whats a doctor going to do anyway? they have no clue when it comes to kids and emotions unless it's a child psychologist, but then this is not a doctor. it must have been really hard for you having that happen. i once had the nursery call social sevices on my husband, i was so embarased and angry. my mum fosters that means i would not be allowed round her house! the system has got rediculus hasn't it.

Rebecca - posted on 09/20/2009

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and by the way my son was 1 and a half all most 2 when that happend so he knew by then who his mommy is i cant imagin how he felt

Rebecca - posted on 09/20/2009

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and your not a single mother eather by the sounds of it.. and really i dont need a doctor to tell me haven a chil riped away from you and up in to foster care isnt tramatic ....... in his mind he is scared ill nevere come back .......granted i got him back six monts later but the damage was done i can not jsut ignore his behavours due tot he fact it willscare him tiwce as much in tot hink im not gonna be ther for him its not so much mad i shouldnt have used that word but its a be fear and insacuraty with my son that he will never have his mommy again .. no guy is worth tramatizing my child any more then the foster care system all ready has and i wouldnt be a goodmotherif i didnt take how my babie feels in to consiteration

Betty - posted on 09/20/2009

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Maybe you should talk to his doctor about that issue. It's not healthy behavior and should not be catered to at all. What do you do when he gets mad? My step daughter does this once in a while and I ignore it, unless it gets out of hand, then it's time for a nap or something. Maybe it's easier for me because I'm the step mom though.

Rebecca - posted on 09/20/2009

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well i have all so encountered the issue of my son being extreamly possesive of me as well he gets mad at me when i am with like mymom or my stap father etc so thats why i asked the question its not jsut new boy friends eather hes extreamly clingly to me hes a big momma boy so i have to conciter that as well or i will have one un happy boy on my hands

Sarah - posted on 09/20/2009

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Im a single mother, who has started back dating. I'm pretty picky about my daughter and trusting people, but You know in your gut and heart whats right for you. If it doesnt fell like the right time, then dont if it does then do. I'd keep it low key to start, but then way I see it is- If the guy you like doesnt like your kids then thats it, your a package deal. and if your kids dont like the guy, find out why, they might just feel like their losing you or something else. Good Luck to you, Remember its your kids and your life, just think about how you feel and go with that!!

Carrie - posted on 09/20/2009

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i met my husband when my eldest was 3. i intoduced him as a friend first, i think at this age you don't need to explain "oh this is mummy's friend" but just go out for meals, go for walks in town, play as a group like to the park or on trips to swimming etc... and gradually let him see you more attached to your boyfriend. at first my son was not happy, he was an only child and i was a single parent from birth, but he was also looking for a male role model. in psychology this age is where a boy starts to break the connection with the mother and go to the father to learn from them. it's so funny now, he's picked up all my husband bad habbits and the way he talks. it does take time but if your boyfriend is happy to take on a father figure role then it would be great. mine and my husbands relationship happened very fast. we met each other and he moved in just two months later to my new house, all the kids in the area said to my son is that your dad and he was like yes. not ideal he called him daddy from then on. but my husband didn't mind, then we got engadged 6 months after we met and 9 months after i was pregnant and 12 months after we were married. my son had alot of changes to deal with. on top of this my son has epilepsy and behaviour problems. but believe it or not he was horrendus for 3 months and now his bad behaviour is non existant. i believe this is because he was looking for a father role model. it's perfect now. we are a complete family.

Betty - posted on 09/19/2009

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I think it's fine for them to meet him. They are part of the package and he should be able to meet them and see what they are like. Just keep it casual. Just ask your son, "hey I want you to meet my friend today what should we do with him?".
A hike or a trip to the movies might be nice. Don't force your toddler into talking to him or anything. Maybe a small gift from him will show the kids that he is a nice guy to have around.
I'm a step mom so I know what it's like to be in this guy's shoes. Just explain to him how the kids are around new people and give him a few tips on how to impress them.
My step daughter was very stand offish at first so I would just help out with her by fixing her and my babe dinner while the two of them played together. That way I was around her but out of her face. Pretty soon she was asking me to read to her and take her to the park.
Good luck. Trust you instincts. If he ends up being the one than it's better they all get to know each other now. My husband and I were married after only 6 months of dating. It would have been hard on my step daughter if we had not bonded early on.

Valerie - posted on 09/19/2009

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Well, in my personal opinion you do not need to be introducing your kids to a "new" boyfriend at all. If you wanna go on dates, by all means do it. If you wanna even only date one specific guy, more power to you. Hell, if you just got an "itch" that needs "scratching" then by all means, have someone "scratch" it!! But you have no business bringing him around your kids until he proposes to you. Now, I don't think you should be all strict about it. After a few months or so, you can just introduce him to them, maybe a couple months later you and him can take them to the zoo together, or the park for a bit. I guess my point is to not have him around ALL the time, or God forbid, move in unless you guys are engaged with a wedding date set. So I guess just take it very slowly. You don't want him around so much that your son becomes attached and is then heartbroken if you guys ever break up. Also, I am very wary of moms who move in with their boyfriend of just a few months or let their new guy babysit her kids cause that is how so many kids get abused. So, just be careful and take it slow, k? Good luck to you hon!

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