The Difficult Transition to Motherhood...Tips Please

Lindsey - posted on 05/30/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am a 28 yo recovering hipster who spent most of my twenties dancing the night away and buying shots for everyone at the bar. (This is a terrible introduction. I'm actually quite responsible and only slightly sarcastic.) I always thought the "grown-up" part of my life would consist of me getting my master's degree and working a meaningful job at a non-profit, where I would one day take a break from saving all the homeless children in the world to raise my own offspring who would only wear cloth diapers and eat homemade baby food (and learn Mandarin by the age of three). I now have a beautiful, incredibly intelligent 2 yo who amazes me every time she opens her mouth and a husband who is hot, intelligent, and one of the most talented chefs in our region (seriously, off the charts). I am also two years short of by bachelor's degree, jobless, directionless and about one bathroom break down away from feeling completely hopeless. I went from being surrounded by friends seven days a week to talking to no one but a 2 yo for days on end (husband works A LOT); from feeling that my life had purpose to feeling that I am nothing but a human version of Rosie from the Jetsons (some days more robotic than human). I have nothing in common with any of my old friends because they are all living up the single life, excelling at their careers, backpacking across Europe, and not even considering settling down anytime soon. I, on the other hand, consider it a monumental achievement if I get to take two showers within one 72 hour period. I know this all sounds incredibly selfish and it just might be....but it's honest. I miss friends. I miss caring about how I look. I miss going through a day that doesn't involve me cleaning the kitchen three times, doing four loads of laundry, and avoiding buying groceries because I just don't want to go out in public. It just feels like Groundhog Day every morning. How do I get out of this rut?

I mean this in the most respectful way possible, but please no advice about how I should just realize that I am incredibly blessed to be a mom and have the opportunity to stay home with my child, etc, etc. I really do know AND believe that. If I could just slap myself happy, I swear I would. I just wasn't prepared for the drastic differences in my life before and after little one. It feels like my chance to make something of myself has officially ended and I will forever be the college drop out who got pregnant and fell off the face of the planet. Invisible is the best way to describe how I feel. Ringing any (selfish) bells??

My deepest apologies for the length of this post. Like I said, I seriously don't talk to anyone other than a 2 yo so I may have gone a little overboard.

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Shannon - posted on 06/05/2013

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I can completely relate! You don't sound selfish, you sound like a new mom. Yes life changes in the best way when you have a child, its the most amazing thing in the world, you should feel blessed... BUT it also changes in a way that flips your old life upside down, leaving you kinda wondering what happened and frankly feeling a little like you lost a part of yourself... and its ok!! When your life does a complete 180, you have to give yourself time to accept the changes WITHOUT feeling guilty about it!

I hate the term "date night" but if you have family or a trusted babysitter, give you and your husband time to revisit your "old" life (or even with an old girlfriend). Get dressed up, go out and have a good time. Have a no-talking-about-the-baby, I'm-going-to-care-about-me kind of afternoon. Ok, now I know so people will read this and take it all the wrong way like I'm being selfish or that I'm saying leave the kid at home and go party.. Thats NOT what I'm saying!! I'm saying taking care of you and allowing time to BE you, makes you a better mom!

You really do sound like you love your "new" life, but don't feel bad to miss your "old" life a little too. I am (still) a stay at home mom to my now 7 year old daughter, very happily married for 10 years and my life is fantastic!! My daughter is my world and everything I do is for her... but every once in a while, it's kinda fun to giggle with a friend while out for lunch, realizing I'm a "PTO mom" and share stories of yesteryear!

MissMommyMay - posted on 05/30/2013

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I defiantly know what you mean.
I had to leave my entire partying round the clock even when volunteering to better the world life and all of my friends move to a god forsaken area and now am have to raise my son while i try to finish my degree. The only hope i can possibly feel is during my dreams of what i will make of our future after school or when my young one smiles,...
I try to always appreciate that i have the ability to finish my degree and have my son in my life but its hard to be grateful sometimes.
One thing i try to focus on other than school to help fill up the time is enriching my sons mind with games, musical play, building edible art, walks etc...

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