the mother in law

Katie - posted on 07/28/2009 ( 4 moms have responded )

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i'm having a difficult time finding a way to tell my boyfriends mother back off....politely. I understand that she's the grandma and happy to help in any way but it's getting on my nerves. She takes the baby from me when she is crying (without asking), she overfeeds her (even when i giver her a schedule) and she tells me what i should and shouldnt do with my daughter...etc it makes me feel like i'm not a good enough mother in her eyes. i don't want to seem disrespectful because i appreciate all she's done but she's driving me crazy!!

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Lindsay - posted on 07/29/2009

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I have the same problem. My mil has literally refused to hand my child to me. It's very fraustrating. She also requests my kids for the weekend like were a divorced couple. My husband is currently deployed so it is even harder!! I am also not as aggressive as I should be when it comes to telling her how I feel. I think that's the only option though, my husband has already said stuff to her and now I think its my turn. You just have to call her out on it. When she goes to take the baby just turn and say "Thanks but I got her." You can start politely and if that doesn't work get more aggressive, after all, she is your child. Even use your last line *I appreciate all you do, but I know how to handle my own daughter!"

Good luck!!

Tessa - posted on 07/29/2009

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I agree with Tara, get your partner on side. It might make him uncomfortable, but he's the only one that will wake his mum up to the fact that she's doing the wrong thing.
I have the same problem, but I also speak my mind, mostly.... until it comes to MIL and in our case her mum too (GMIL) I do try to remind them that "this is my child and I know what is best for my kids... THANKYOU VERY MUCH" (with a scowly face) This puts their nose out of joint a little, but they usually are pretty good about the same thing I told them off for after that and have now learnt to ask what is ok and what is not. Well... MIL does, not GMIL

Tara - posted on 07/29/2009

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:) lol! The dreaded mother in law story! I hope I never become one but who knows. I can relate... First you have to have your boyfriend on your side with this one. It's his mom so he needs to take the reins! He needs to lay down the first set of words. Like "mom I dont like the way you treat Katie when it comes to our baby, I can tell it puts her down, and she a good mom" After it has been stated nicely, and if it happens again.. cause it probably will, lay it down tell her tell her exactly how you feel.. shes a mom so she can relate in some manner even if she doesnt admit that to you :) Hope this helps, I am not sure if this is your first kido but the mother in law thing for me seemed to get better when I had more kids and she obviously saw I had the hang of things even though it wasnt her way!

Tara - posted on 07/29/2009

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:) lol! The dreaded mother in law story! I hope I never become one but who knows. I can relate... First you have to have your boyfriend on your side with this one. It's his mom so he needs to take the reins! He needs to lay down the first set of words. Like "mom I dont like the way you treat Katie when it comes to our baby, I can tell it puts her down, and she a good mom" After it has been stated nicely, and if it happens again.. cause it probably will, lay it down tell her tell her exactly how you feel.. shes a mom so she can relate in some manner even if she doesnt admit that to you :) Hope this helps, I am not sure if this is your first kido but the mother in law thing for me seemed to get better when I had more kids and she obviously saw I had the hang of things even though it wasnt her way!

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