The only question that really gets on my nerves!

User - posted on 06/18/2009 ( 20 moms have responded )

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The only question that really gets on my nerves is when people ask if both my children come from the same father. I am 23, had my first at 18 and second at 21. Most people are really shocked when i tell them how old i am, especially the mums at school, which i don't mind. If they think i am older i believe it's only because they think i am so mature. lol. but then they always come out with 'are they from the same father'. Who cares if they aren't. They are from the same dad and we have been together for 7yrs now, but i hate the fact that because i am a young mum, they think i must have slept around to get pregnant so i can collect the money. It really annoys me. They don't stop to think that you don't actually get all that much money and what you do get goes to looking after the kids, so in theory your not really getting anything extra. my man earns a good wage so we aren't getting anything from the government. It makes me angry that there are so many narrow minded people out there that think because your young and have kids you must have slept around just to get the money. Is there anyone else that has the same problem? Do these views of young mums annoy anyone else? And how can we change this stereotype people have placed on us?

20 Comments

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[deleted account]

Unfortunately, that's the nature of the beast. There are many girls out there who did get pregnant to get the money, and I know a few of them myself. I just think it's sad. Not only for your reason, but it basically means that the mother in question doesn't view her child as a person, but rather as a commodity. I am a single mum now but I fully intended for my child to have his dad in his life. I know I will be judged by this, I already have been. Someone in my circle even circulated a rumour that I didn't know who the father of my son was. I'll smile and laugh them off... but I'll also be ready with a clenched fist to defend my son's honour and integrity.

Anywho, I'm off track. Yes, I'm unemployed, but I'm also a web and graphic designer, so I'm working towards getting my pc up to speed so I can work from home. I'm making every effort I can to become self-sufficient so I don't need to worry about any judgments made upon myself or, most importantly, my little boy.

Anyway, in closing, just try not to let it get to you. People judge by their own standards, which doesn't say much for the perpetrator of such comments. ^__^


Always,
T.

Timmi - posted on 06/22/2009

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My sister gets this from our Grandma! Of all people, though she is one of the those narrow-minded elders some of you have talked about. Her first 2 came from the same guy but they have different last names. Her son has his and her daughter has hers (she left the loser while she was pregnant with her). Then her third is a different dad who is now her husband, has his last name. Kinda confusing, but our grandma swears that all 3 of them came from different guys.

Cristina - posted on 06/22/2009

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I don't have quite the same situation. I am 23, had my 9 month old when I was 22, but I look about 17. The thing is that I got married at 19, so we were married for two whole years before we even considered a baby. And then we planned it, and it was everything we wanted. But when I was pregnant, people would always look at my hand to see if I am wearing a ring!!!

Kate CP - posted on 06/22/2009

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I have never had that happen to me but I only have one so far. I cannot believe how rude some people can be, though. It's such a personal question I would never DREAM of asking a woman that. I don't know if I've ever given anyone any strange looks because their kids are mixed race. My brother in law is mix and it's just a normal part of life for me and my family. I had the hardest time with my daughter calling every black man she met her uncle, though. That was a little awkward. :P

Tanith - posted on 06/22/2009

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So far I've always had it the other way round... I have 2 stepkids and my own little boy. When we're out together everyone I see always assumes that all 3 of the kids belong to myself and my partner. (I'm 26, my partner's 42 and the kids are 8, 3 and 2). Who cares whether the kids are biologically yours or not? Oh and I also have two little brothers who most people think must be mine as well - they're 12 and 6, i must look really old!! If people want to judge you let them get on with it. If you have a happy family the rest of the world really doesn't matter!

Megan - posted on 06/22/2009

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I get it all the time! I think it's pretty disrespectful. I am 28......my husband and I have been blessed with 5 children......they are close in age, but who cares! I'm a proud mommy of 5 beautiful kids!!!!

[deleted account]

I don't think it's necessarily because they think you must've slept around to have 2 kids at your age. I think it's probably because most people aren't with the same people at 23 years old that they were with at 17. True, it's extremely rude for people to come out and ask such a personal question, but don't think it's because they think you're a slut. Take it as a positive like, "Wow. Did this girl find the love of her life at 17? I just have to ask..."

Anne - posted on 06/22/2009

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I'm 25 and have a 7 year old. I was on the bus a few months back and this old lady said to me ure brother's a little cutie what's his name?, and when i told her he was my son she was like my god u only look 18, so young to have a grown up son. so i just said well in life u can't go by how young a person is, considering there is a lot of other mums out there older and are bad parents, it's how mature u are. And as long as ure child is happy and the parents support one another what more could u ask for in a young mother? And I train in a nursery so i'm getting my carrer behind me so i can support my child and his dad also works.

Laurie - posted on 06/20/2009

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ohh you don't know the half of it! lol....Do you know how many times ive been mistaken for my son's older sister at his school? I had my son when I was 16. I know what you mean about ppl not believing how old you are. You have to learn to grow up fast. And it's only made us stronger! I too get nothing from the government except I do get health insurance, but only for my son. I pay for my own from my work and dont get any food stamps etc, I don't even know whats out there to get! ppl say i should go get help because I work full time I am paying for everyone else to get things, but i would rather be able to say I did it on my own. I have no smpathy for girls who are on welfare, if i can do it they can. I am a single mom, diff from you, but very similar. I gradulated college with an associates in science, with a 6 year old. I never stopped working, and everything i have, i have earned so dont worry about what others say! or think! I just shut it out, and most of my friends are older, because you eventually dont fit into your own age group, socially, anymore. Not everyone has kids to get money your right! and it sux to get put in that category. just feel good that you are smarter than those ppl who think that and just laugh lol

Tamika - posted on 06/19/2009

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Quoting tashia:

both my kids are from diffrent dads bc my husbend passed away a year ago an the thing that gets me is how could i have a kid with out my husbend im 22 i had my first at 18 i was married but i get looks an people ask me if there my sisters im like no im there mom!!!



People alwasy ask me if my oldest son is my little brother also. I am 27 but I look young, I still get carded for cigaretts, so when my fist son was born I expected to the dirty looks. When my son was close to a year old I had one lady come up to me in tha mall and tell me I shoudl be ashamed of myself for having a baby at 16.  I laughed in her face and said "bitch mind you f@#king business I am 20 years old, I have a full time job my own apartment, and I raise my child by myself without qovernemt assistance. You should be ashamed of yourself casting stones when you live in a glass house".  The lady apologized and went about her merry way. I bet the next time she feels liks she wants to open her mouth she will think better of it.

Tamika - posted on 06/19/2009

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No one has ever asked my that. I had my first child at 19 and my second at 26. Yes they have different fathers, but not because I wanted to live off the qovernment, or because I was slept around. My first sons father put a hole in the condom to get me pregnant only to be a dead beat. I met my fiancee when my son was 5, we got engaged, moved in together and them suprise, I'm pregnant. I tried not to think about the stereotypes, because I dont fit into any of them. My fiancee and I bust our asses to makes sure we dont need food stamps, wic, or anything eles. The only qovernment program we use is medical insurance for the 2 year old. My fiancee Pays $70 a week for his benifits, I pay $122.56 a week for my oldest sons covarage and my own. We have the baby on the sata insurance because its free and there is no co pay. My oldest son was on the state insurance, until it was time for him to see the dentist and get glasses so we swithced him to mine . The state dental and vison sucks. Did I mention that my oldest sons Sperm donor has contributed nothing to his life.

Sabrina - posted on 06/19/2009

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no one has ever asked me if they have the same dad but i just turn 30 this year and i have six kids. everywhere me or if my husband is with me too they ask are they all yours. no i always like going out with the nieghborhood. or if i say yes they ask if i am the mom to all of them. yes trust me i carried each one for nine months and they all came out of me too. i think the reason i dont get the dad question is because 2 have blonde hair 4 have brown and 2 have hazel eyes 2 have brown and the last 2 are blue. what a combo. but my oldest i did have before me and my husband got together. but i get the dirty looks too. i which young or old poeple could go out in public and get along and not be criticised for their family. as long as we are taking care of our children and they are healthy then their shouldnt be an issue.

Tashia Ann - posted on 06/19/2009

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both my kids are from diffrent dads bc my husbend passed away a year ago an the thing that gets me is how could i have a kid with out my husbend im 22 i had my first at 18 i was married but i get looks an people ask me if there my sisters im like no im there mom!!!

Jessica - posted on 06/19/2009

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I have an 8 year old and am now pregnant with my second. They do have different dads but I dont see why that is a bad thing or why that must mean I want money from the government.... especially considering I'm not getting anything from the government. I dont think its right for people to assume all young people with more than one child have a different father for each child, but I also do not think its right for people to think you sleep around just because you have two different dads for your children.

Jamie - posted on 06/19/2009

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Haha, I get that too. But mine are from 2 different dads. And my daughter is half hispanic, and my son is blonde hair blue eyes. Im like, um, they both just called me mom, so they must be brother and sister. But going out with my 2 and my stepson get a lot of looks because the boys both have blonde hair blue eyes, my daughter is the middle child and has brown hair, brown eyes and year round tan. I get wierd looks and can only imagine what they are thinking.

[deleted account]

I get amazement from a lot of men that ask (oddly no women have asked) if they have the same father. It doesn't bother me too much, I just say "YES! Of course they're both his! What kind of a girl do you think I am!??!" and then they get super apologetic and embarassed. Totally worth it. (no offence to girls with two baby daddy's I'm just trying to make idiot men feel bad...)

Tiffanie - posted on 06/18/2009

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I get this a lot. My daughter has bright red hair like her father and my son has dark hair like me, and my second son has a mix between red hair and brown hair. They always say are they brothers and sister? I am like ahh ya y? Well they don't like look like it. Now come on people wake up. I've been with the same man for almost 7 years, almost married for 3 and just becuase i am young ( I just turned 22) they think they all have difernt dads. Just becuase some people like to have kids for the money and supposrt doesnt mean that I do it too. Mind you there are some women that do do that. People judge becuase htey have nothing better to do than critique everyone else exept themselves.

Amie - posted on 06/18/2009

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you're not alone! not many people have actually come out and said those exact words to me (though it's probably because u only have to look at my kids to see that they come from the same dad!) but it's the disapproving looks that you get from some people that really annoy me. I'm 21 and have three kids ( a 2 year old and twin 1 yr olds) and some people really make it obvious what they are thinking. And not too diss elderly people but I have found that it is usually them that have the comments and the looks. People do need to get the thought out of their minds that young mums are irresponsible and only having babies for the money. All theyd have to do is have a conversation with one to see realise this is not the case.

Most young mums I know are the MOST responsible compared to others the same age. So I agree completely with you. It's not fair and people need to think differently. In my opinion, anyone who has kids for the money is crazy. Money doesn't go far when you are raising children. and as for age, it usually doesn't make a difference in parenting. if you are going to be a good mum you will be no matter how old u are. People need to stop judging and stop assuming.

MELISSA - posted on 06/18/2009

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I get the same thing everywhere i go.. my kids are only 2 years apart from eachother. 1 is 4 the other 2, they always ask me if they have the same father and it also bothers me.. iam 27 years old had my 1 at 22 not to young i think but right now people think if you have 2 kids before 30 you must want or need something from the government . i dont think there is anything we can do to stop people from saying these things thats just how some people are. so know i just say yes there are why do i look young thank you!!!

MELISSA - posted on 06/18/2009

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I get the same thing everywhere i go.. my kids are only 2 years apart from eachother. 1 is 4 the other 2, they always ask me if they have the same father and it also bothers me.. iam 27 years old had my 1 at 22 not to young i think but right now people think if you have 2 kids before 30 you must want or need something from the government . i dont think there is anything we can do to stop people from saying these things thats just how some people are. so know i just say yes there are why do i look young thank you!!!

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