this could be the end of us!!!

[deleted account] ( 73 moms have responded )

ok.. so ill start by explaining my family situation.. i had a 1 1/2 yr old boy when i met my husband but he took him on as his own.. our son has never known any different.. and me and my husband have a 10 months old daughter together.... our son is 8 and has ADHD. we are finding it extremely hard to cope with him. it is taking a strain on us as husband and wife.. he is very insensitive towards me and says very hurtfull things that you should not say to your wife.. tonight is the worst night so far... He said that i let things get to me too much and that i need to learn to take things in my stride.. well that caused a full scale argument in which he said he does not love our son and that he does not think of him as his own.. i was in tears and screaming at him that he is a bad dad and would leave our daughter screaming and hungry in the morning just to get me out of bed as im fat and should not lay in. i said that i deserve a lay in because of the stress i get on the weekdays.. especially now its the school holidays.. i told him i needed a break. after alot more arguing he threw his beer all over me. well as im typing i have just got out the bath to get rid of the beer smell and am in bed by myself as my husband has decided to sleep on the sofa... i thnk our marriage is falling apart. im sorry to go on for so long.. i dont know what to do to sort this out.. thank you in advance for any help you can give.

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Momma - posted on 07/27/2009

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Trust me when I say that your not the only one. My daughter is 2 1/2 and my fiance isn't her "real" daddy but weve been together since she was 4months old and hes taken her in as his own. Every time we get into a fight he tells me that he doesn't love her and says really nasty things to me as well. The last huge fight we got into he threatened to hit me (while I was holding my daughter) and I told him that he doesn't have the balls because he knows I will fight back. But he as well thru his drink at me, tho it wasn't beer but it got into my eyes and left it so I couldn't see for about an hour. He will wake me up after I've only had 2 hours sleep to do something that he is too lazy to do himself. He will allow for his family to tell me really nasty things and walk all over me. Like today his mother decided that she was going to "check" my cleaning and then resumed to tell me that I've been very lazy with the cleaning, regardless of the fact that I've a really bad cold at the moment. She went as far as seeing how clean I keep my hand bag and telling me how to keep my wallet after she re-arranged my wallet. When ever I told her that she hasn't a right and basically told her to fuck off, my fiance again was telling me that he doesn't want my daughter or me and that I'm just a cunt. I think that some guys start to regret the choices they made when they are with women that already have kids. I ask myself every day if I really love him or not and is staying with him the best thing for my daughter. The more I ask myself that, the more I tell myself no and that he isn't worth it and my daughter doesn't need to grow up one day thinking that her "daddy" doesn't really love her. I would advise you to ask yourself the same questions and if you find yourself answering no all the time, then do the right thing for your son and leave. Your son is in a situation that he needs a stable environment. I finally had my breaking point and I'm saying enough is enough. I'm making my arrangements to go back to America to give my daughter the stability that she needs and deserves. If you don't follow your heart in a situation like this your going to end up resenting your partner more than you may or may not at this point. That will only put a stronger strain on your kids.

Jeanine - posted on 07/28/2009

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girls please dont make excuses for a mans HORRIBLE behaviour .... love yourself and your kids enough to rise above that their is NO EXCUSE in the world for a man to put you down or your child .. of call you a trashy whore or hit you even lightly???????.my goodness .... would you want a man to treat your daughters this way ...??????? there is no excuse in the worls i dont care how much stress he is under or how much is hurting ... welcome to the real world that DOES NOT give you the right .. to hurt children or a woman ..... girls be strong ... dont let them think this is ok

Stefanie - posted on 07/27/2009

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Your son is not to blame for your marital issues. Your son, especially those with "behavioral disorders", feed off of the environment they are in. It's more likely that the fighting between you and your husband are aggravating the situation with your son.
You both need counseling and you both need to start fighting "fair". No threats, no name calling or putting each other down, no violence, no aggression. That alone will show vast improvements.

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Kara - posted on 07/31/2009

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im not in your situation but i am an understanding person. dont leave him over 1 fight! people make mistakes to see what they can get away with and to learn from thier mistakes. with my hubby we sit and talk every night at dinner with the kids but then when there is somethiing going on betwen us we save it till the kids are in bed(i believe its ok for kids to see people disagree in a healthy way). u can make it!

Lauren - posted on 07/30/2009

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I would tell him that the behavious he has had is completely unacceptable,and there is no excuse for it. I would appologize for any out of line things thatI said, and I would then explain thatI will not tolerate this behavior. Tell him you will leave if he can't behave like a loving husband and father, and that you will not stand for him treating your son any differently than your daughter. I would tell him he has one more chance to be kind and loving to you, or you will leave.

Jenny - posted on 07/30/2009

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i just have to say i am sorry that you and your husband had such a huge fight like that. I think that if you feel deep down that walking away is the right thing then you should but if not then you should fight for you marriage..my husband and I have been through...quite a lot in the past two years that we have been together. there were times when i wanted to walk away...also...truly in the end...it comes down to...how you truly feel about the situation and whats best for you and your children

Rebekah - posted on 07/30/2009

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No mountain is immovable. You do need to get to the heart of things sooner rather than later though. Be open, communicate honestly and make it all meaningful. I firmly believe that any two people on Earth can work out their problems. Just find the problems and don't take the easy way out by putting band-aids on them. Help each other find happiness and your kids will reap the benefits.

Tiffany - posted on 07/30/2009

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I think you can try to work it out but a lot of times if someone will, even in anger, say some of those things and throw something at you than it is very likely they will continue to do it. And it's not your fault or your childs fault. And remember that your kids feed off of your feelings, even if they didn't hear or see anything if you two are stressed they can feel it too, and with a boy with ADHD he will react to his surrounding. And I believe a good husband can try to understand and support your feelings, you are not letting things get to you too much. it is hard work taking care of kids especially with ADHD. And you DO need to have a break and rest. I don't know you or him but I think there is always truth to some degree of the things we say in anger it may just be misdirected. Don't ever be sorry for having to get things that are bothering you off you chest, and you should be able to go right to your spouse with them, if you feel you can't then maybe you should rethink the relationship you two have. Marriage council may help. First and formost as a mother you need to think of what is in the best interest for them. You and your husband have to be able to talk about yourselves and anything that bothers you. That was our main problem and we had decided to seperate, until I was able to get through to him about communication! He has to be able to hear me out and he has to be able to confide in me. He would bottle every little thing up until it exploded. And he couldn't seem to handle that I was not that way to, I'd sit and talk until I had everything I had to say out. He's followed my lead and now he listens to me and he talks to me. Now we are much stronger a couple.

Ena - posted on 07/30/2009

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I felt like crying reding your note... you must of felt so bad that night. Ithink you were both really stressed and angry that night..I hope that things have resolved themselves in some way since then and that he has realised how much he hurt you, that he didnt mean those things and they were only said out of anger ( its still no excuse, but...)

Momma - posted on 07/30/2009

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Emma, Things are going to be hard but if you truly feel that your husband is the right person for you then its important that you do what feels right to you. Only you know where your breaking point is. I for one went thru a lot with my partner and all it took was for him to call me the one thing that I hate the most for me to say enough. 1 fight in 6 1/2 years is really good, most people have 1 in a week or two. I wouldn't listen to people saying hes abusive. Yeah OK, throwing a drink at someone isn't the most mature thing to do but its not really abuse, its just childish. Every relationship no matter the type is always going to have ups and downs. There is not one relationship that is perfect. I still say tho, that the second you start telling yourself that you don't love him and that he isn't the proper role model for your son, then its time to think about leaving. Until then, fight for your relationship and forget what everyone is telling you. I know its hard to get the real story of whats happening on the computer, but until someone has gone thru exactly what your going thru its impossible for them (including me) to give you sound advise. I don't know what its like having a relationship with someone and a child with ADHD. I could only imagine its hard but I don't know. Good luck.

Amanda - posted on 07/30/2009

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i am so sorry to hear emma, as i have not been in your shoes exactly however me and my husband have been seperated twice. it is so hard, the only thing that saved our marriage was God. i prayed everyday for God to change our lives and He did. i am a teacher so i know that it can be very difficult to handle children with ADHD. is he on medication because that may be an option. I am not one to suggest putting a child on medication but i have seen it help. the only advice that i would give is for you guys to reach out to Jesus with everything that you have and let Him guide you on what you are to do. I will be praying for you and your family.

Patrisia - posted on 07/30/2009

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Good Post Callie, we have to remember that we're all different and raised differently as well. So although to some it may be easy to pack up and go to others who were raised in stable homes it might not be or vice versa. Maybe not raised in stable homes therefore strive to provide something stable for their children. Bottom line is....Emma.... do what you think in your mind and heart is best for you and your children and family. God Bless

Callie - posted on 07/30/2009

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First off I would like to say I have read through the blunt of the responses on here to Emmas "fight" with her husband. This is a woman venting after her first "real" fight with her husband. There is no reason to agrue with her to leave her husband that is not our place to tell her. We don't know the whole situation! I know after my husband and I fight I have to vent to my girlfriends and I say OMG it's the end. And being my girlfriends and support team they know I'm just venting people. That said to you all who are making more of this then it should be I would like to say something to you Emma. Please don't feel like I'm taking sides, first off. My older brother is my half brother and my father*who my parents are now divorced* took in as his own and even gave him our last name. I was born when my brother was 5 and my father and him still got along like father and son should even my father's family loved him like one of their own. 6 years after I was born, Mama and Daddy had my baby brother. Everything changed between my father and my older brother. And my father's side of the family literally disowned my older brother. I don't want to air my family's dirty laundry on here but I will just say things were extremly bad between father and older brother. No that's not what caused the divorce but it did play a big role. My mother moved him out so they would stop fighting and it still did not help the matter at all. Just like I said before I am not taking sides....I only say please don't let it get that far. Take some Mommy and Daddy time just you and your hubby! Maybe that's what you need and I pray that's what you need. Try to get a sitter for the weekend and have a "mini" honeymoon:) I will pray that you and your husband get through this and that this is your only fight lol.

Selina - posted on 07/30/2009

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i dont know what to say i dont have a child with adhd but my husband has adhd or add i dont remeber right know and he said that it was tought for his parents when he was little he was raised by his father and stepmom whom was very paitent with him she says and so does my husband. it does still get in the way he is very forgettfull and he needs thing tighty ans in place at all times he said his step mom was very strict with him and would not let him do as he pleased and right know we are worried that are 3 month old might develo=pe this as well

i wish the best of luck and also know that your husband should not have acted that way

[deleted account]

I think that if you want to save your marriage, which it sounds like you do, then you should go to counseling. You can even talk with a minister if you can't afford professional counseling. I really hope that you can work things out. God bless.

Tina - posted on 07/30/2009

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I read the first little bit and was thinking WTF? If your husband can say that stuff about your child, esp with a medical condition he doesn't deserve to be called Dad. I'm sorry but thats some BS and there is no way in hell I'd put up with it! And you don't deserve to be treated the way hes treating you! If you would like to talk I'm hear, but just remember no mothers job is easy and we dont need any man thats not going to help and we sure don't need a man that is going to make everything a million times harder!

[deleted account]

there are alot of people on here presuming things and telling me to leave my husband.. i was copying and pasting ect.. but i have decided to just say thanks for all your posts especially the nice helpfull ones.. i find it amazing that alot are saying they would just pack up and leave no questions asked.. yeah right!! its easy to type it but i doubt you actually would over 1 argument.. he still has not appologised.. we have only been around each other for the kids.. not really spoke.. when the kids are in bed he goes upstairs to his PC and plays with his photoshop.. so we have not eben had a conversation yet..

Cara - posted on 07/30/2009

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Longterm Happiness is far more important than any school or home you can rebuild, I have done it and been totally homeless and hopeless with my first child!
You need to set firm boundaries with your hubby!
My hubby is not the father of my first born but has raised him. He would not dare to bring up that our son is not his own in a row - it is very disrespectful to a child who does not need his self esteem bashing down in that way! How awful for a child to hear those things! My hubby knows he would be out on the street!
Also the one and only time my hubby threw beer at me was enough for me to throw him out of our home for 2 years! A bit exteme I know but there was other stuff going on too! It's not behaviour i will tolerate.
Before he moved back in we made an agreement to stop a row if we get to name calling coz it's not productive (it's hard not to carry it on) we agree to rethink what we are trying to say and try to talk about it again later. Often it was just a heat of the moment thing where tempers were frayed and there is actually nothing to discuss - in a hurry to get somewhere, children trying it on, tempers rising we argue about silly things! I love my hubby and we found ways to work things out.
I hope you and hubby find a positive way forward
best wishes

Jules - posted on 07/30/2009

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My son is also 8, From a previouse relationship, We have the same problems, Except I have 4 shildren , 3 with my husband. We do have big arguments 2, But he shouldn't b calling you names or throwing his beer over you. Just tell him how that makes you feel. If you are like us, We talk about everything. We try to tell each other how we feel n try to leave out the name calling. I to have said hurtful things. I told him that I'm sick of being a single mum, It's not true he does help out when I ask, He may complain about it but he does help. We to can not find a baby sitter for our 8yo. He is dealing with a childhood psycologist, And have been told that if we need a break to put him in respite care. It might help you. Where abouts are you?

Mel - posted on 07/29/2009

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Posted by Emma Zalewskyj (1:04 am)

i would just like to thank everyone for taking the time to reply. me and my husband are not going to seperate over 1 argument.. we both said some awfull things. i am amazed that people think that he is abusive!! we still have not spoken about it.. but i think i may try tonight. i think we need to communicate alot more and talk about how we feel.. well... we'll see how it goes..



Emma, unfortunately alot of people presume things and also twist things , some one else posted on here about 6 months ago about her partner alot of people told her to leave him and that he was abusive etc and then after i told her to work things out i was even getting msgs from people saying dont u dare tell her to work it out with her hubby they dont change etc. she left COMs because of the way people judged her and her family but she is still on my facebook friends list shes a very caring lady and her and hubby are doing just fine now he hasnt hit her or anything since. sometimes you write things and then people twist and twist. i do hope you get the holiday you want and i wish i had some one to look after my daughter sometimes too. i mean i have in home care but they take her less then an hour because of her frequent feeding and it doesnt feel like much of a break. still good though i got to take what i can get. damian is a brilliant guy but i can see how people can think otherwise iwth some times i have written but what everyone needs to realise is people say and do things out of heat of the moment and its not at all who they are or how they have been raised to be. my partner is the most caring dad and he would always be there for me if i needed him, back before we began dating when i was 15-16 i always came to him when i had problems back then he was 22 i was dating some one else he would be online on msn at night and i would log on after my bf went to sleep because i knew damian would be there for me, he is such a caring guy and now i am so glad to be with him and never imagined id find a guy so committed, and so good with his daughter he loves children. sorry ive gone on a bit anyway I hope you guys sort it all out Emma and I have skimmed through most of what has been written here since my last post but i hope hs giving you an apology and told you he didnt mean it even if it is hard for a guy to do

Patrisia - posted on 07/29/2009

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I have four boys, 12, 7, 4, and 1 and my husband and I although we've never had a fight (many disagreements, just no fights) we go out atleast twice a month....dancing, movie night, lounging, you name it....just us.... its very helpful and fruitful to spend as much time as possible with each other. We've been together for about 12 years and I am soo blessed but remember, we reap what we sow. Invest, invest, invest and you will harvest.

[deleted account]

I'm not in your situation. I know my Husband and I have argued often to the point of not talking for days. I've also read statistic that having a child with a disability can put strain on a relationship just because of the added stress, not the child.



I think you're doing the right thing by spending some time apart and cooling off rather than pushing the issue. I'm sure he loves his Son just as much as always, it's just too easy to say something terrible in the heat of the moment just to get a rise I think.



Maybe going to a counciller a couple times just to clear the air with a neutral party would help. Your marriage doesn't have to be in complete shambles to seek help, an unbiased party can often see things or comminucate things clearer to both of you than you can to eachother sometimes. Nip this issue in the bud, and move on.



If it's your 1st major arguement in 6 1/2 years and you have a Son with a disability and a 10 month old daughter I say WOW I think my Husband and I would be nearing splitsville waaaay before that.



Hang in There!

Natalie - posted on 07/29/2009

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Oh and I know how hard it is to get time älone"(we have two girls under 18months).We quite often hop in the car-all of us-and go for a drive and talk things out(it means neither of us can storm off and arent distracted by housework etc).I know it may not be ideal for you as you have your son(as in he is older than my girls and will understand what you are talking about) but even if you went for a walk as a family or went to a park so your son could play while you chat to each other.Just an idea

Alexis - posted on 07/29/2009

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pray pray pray! the best thing my husband and i have found to reconnect was a book called the love dare. it is an interective book. it goes along with the movie Fireproof. it has turned things completely around. if that doesn't work for you i would look into your local churches about marriage classes and even a marriage retreat

Natalie - posted on 07/29/2009

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Hi Emma



I have really mixed feelings on what to say to this.

As you have said countless times,it was a once off,and who hasnt said something in the heat of the moment and in anger that you really dont mean and regret afterwards?Im not excusing your husband-heck I dont know him or you so who am I to judge?!

My husband and I dont fight alot,we disagree and in four years of marriage I am just now learning to hold my tounge.

When we first got engaged I had some issues and we were given this book "The Five Love Languages"by Gary Chapman.It is probably the thing that has repeatedly saved our relationship.I know alot of people say that but honestly it helped me to know how to love my husband in a way he understood and needed.Im not saying you dont know how to love each other but it might help open up communication a bit?Im sorry if Im rambling...



With him making you get up to your baby,I dont know aye.My husband has had to help with our girls from the word go as I had c-sections and didnt recover well.Five months on and I give him a little kick during the night when they wake and he brings them in for me to feed and takes them back to bed.Have you tried telling your husband that when he doesnt help how it makes you feel?I know alot of guys dont like to talk about their feelings or even hear their partners feelings...so maybe counselling would help?Ah flip I dont know...

I really do feel for you and Im sure you are a fantastic mum and wife.Keep trying to stay positive and if you ever want to talk or just vent about how your feeling please feel free to send me a post on my page.



Natalie :)

Krysta - posted on 07/29/2009

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Also, Him throwing a beer at you and not getting up to feed his own daughter. That tells me that he does not give a dam about anyone but himself. I ask my husband to go change my daughters diper in the niddle of the night or at 4 am, doesn't matter. He does it! He also helps out with cleaning. I do the cooking, because he can't and I also breastfeed so he can't do that either, but he helps out alot. Just because your son has ADHD doesn't give him any excusses for the way he's been acting. Their is medication that your son can take at his age, I would recommend taking him to see a doctor to find out which one would be best. My husband and I are stressed all the time, He works and I work, we work together, I have deadlines to meet and if I don't meet them my boss gets upset. It's a different stressed out but we ever through carp at each other, we get pissy and snappy but we always apoligize! I say leave him, he's not worth that kind of pain!

Krysta - posted on 07/29/2009

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THis is happening to early! The fight I mean. He should never say things like that ever. Speeking from experience from the child sperspective. My father, he is also not my biological father and also he is the only face I've seen and never saw a photo of the other man. He has just recently stared saying for a few years now, whenever someone complements on how beautifull his childern are he says that I'm not his reall daughter or that kaylan and I are not his his real kids, That hurts alot and I've confronted them about it and they gave me a really lame excuse. Also your son will be seperated from your daughter!

Krysta - posted on 07/29/2009

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For him to say he doesn't love your son because of that is sad. I have a dad who is not my biological dad, and I've have never met my birthfather and never seen a photo of him. I know that my brother and I have always been kinda seperated from my two younger sisters but I don't think it was intentinal but now when someone comments on how beautiful his kids are he say's that we are not his reall kids. Which is very upsetting to me, because he is the only face I know as a father and he is my father. He raised me, he was their my whole life. If this man is not willing to except him now when he is so younge he will treat him differently from your daughter and you'll will be trying to protect him for the rest of your life like my mother has done for my brother. That is not the life you want for you and your son or even your daughter. And if he's not going to get his lazy ass out of bed to feed your daughter once in the middle of the night when you feed or change her 90% of the time. Leave him, I know it's easier said then done, but he is not putting any effort to understanding or willingness to help you out and also help you find out what type of medication he can take to help him with his ADHD. Here is a site! Yes, your both stressed out, but thier is no reason for him to act childish by throwing a beer all over you. That's what makes me so mad. Their are plenty of guys out their who are loving and caring, it just takes time to find them. http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publicati...

Lyndsay - posted on 07/29/2009

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Maybe the beer itself has something to do with his behaviour? My boyfriend tends to be a rowdy drunk, one time we were drinking we got in an argument and he decided to show off in front of his friends and pour his liquor all over me. Then he went on and on about how I'm a fat lazy bitch with a loose you-know-what and he's disgusted by me. I recorded all of his tirade on my camera phone and showed it to him the next morning, and he's never gotten drunk since then and that's never happened again. Just throwing that out there.

Stephanie - posted on 07/29/2009

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Emma- I know u said in your other posts that u have no one to watch your kids so u could go away just u and your husband however is there someone u could take with u? Like a babysitter or a friend! This would make it so u could be there with your kids but spend some alone time with your husband(which sounds like u both really need it)! U could even get 2 rooms so that u and your husband could have nights to yourself! If u dont have anyone try and find a place that has babysitters on staff such as Beaches and or Disney World. I really dont think u need to consider leaving him! Fights happen and too many people give up too soon! Marriage is not easy(which i am sure u know) so if i were u I would look into talking to someone! It sounds like both of u were in the heat of the moment and said bad things which has happened to all of us! If u saw a counselor that person has nothing invested in your marriage and could really help u two talk through whats really going on! I am sure he did not mean what he said but he was thinking it to have said it so really talking to someone will help get to whats bothering him and most likely it has nothing to do with your son! Good Luck and hang in there and continue to work on your wonderful marriage:)

Rachel - posted on 07/29/2009

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I THINK PEOPLE NEED TO REALISE THAT THINGS GET SAID IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT THAT YOU DO NOT MEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously it was one argument and i think if the child in question heard what was said he would have said something by now and if he had'nt said anything then his actions would be speaking volumes. This is a question for Emma, has your son said that he heard or is he acting differently at all????? Now i'm only asking this because there are people on here that keep harping on the fact that you child may have heard what was said. Ok i also think that people need to remember that our actions speak louder than our words and also kids are more fogiving than adults. So if by chance your son did hear what was said then your hubby will have to prove thro actions that he does love your son and even if he did'nt hear what was said you hubby still has to prove to you thro his actions that your son is very impotant to him and that he does love your son.

We have no idea weather the child heard what was said or not so it makes it a moo point, so move on from this and help Emma with ways of talking to her hubby about the problem at hand. Weather the child heard or not is not our problem that's Emma's and her hubby's and they will have to deal with that IF AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS. Her hubby probably only said what he said to hurt her and not to hurt her child, he said it cause he was angry and so was she and he wanted her to feel hurt, it happens in marriages ya know people say things to the other just to get a response weather it's the one we want or not it's a response and he proabably did not mean what he said he just said it IN THE HEAT OF THE MOMENT.

Richelle - posted on 07/29/2009

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You live and you learn, and you grow. I still have faith in my marriage and my husband I think he can grow out of it and learn from it.

Richelle - posted on 07/29/2009

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You need some alone time once a week, date night!! also time with the kids individually might help, one day you take your daughter to the mall while he takes your son to the batting cages or something and then next time he takes his lil girl somewhere and you take your boy somewhere. And you need a vacation. Believe me we've all been at a point where we think its over and you know you still love each other but you think there's no way its gonna work, but you have to stick with it. I have been goin through the same with my husband, he's young, impatient, selfish, inconsiderate and sometimes mean but Ive noticed its usually when we have let the world consume us and get caught up in all the everyday stresses. He shouldnt treat you that way but sometimes men get so stressed its like their minds cant handle it so they just start saying whatever pops in there first and it may not be true just the first thought.Hang in there. Maybe try going to church or counseling. even just for yourself. Good luck!

Crystal - posted on 07/29/2009

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I'm sorry Emma of your situation!!! Your husband should not have thrown his beer at you or told you that he doesnt love your son and that you need to get up bc your fat!!!! That just isnt right!!! It does NOT matter if he has been stressed or whatever... That is very much so ABUSE as much as you love him and try to tell yourself that it was only once and that its not even abuse!! Seriously sweetie you deserve so much better then that!! You need to put your kids and yourself first and make sure that he understands that what he did and said to you is very unexceptable!! If he loves you he should not hurt you like that!! Me and my husband of 5 years argue every once in a while and he has never thrown anything at me or hurt me with words like that!!! Seriously that just isnt right!! You cant just ignore what he said. Your son is a big part of your life and if your husband does not love him why would you want to continue to be with him and have him raise your son as his dad!!!



Jeanine was only trying to make you understand the bigger picture of it all.... women should not just settle... and your kids should always come first.



My mom chose my step dad over me and I still resent her till this very day and can not have a normal relationship with her!!



I wish you the best of luck with everything that you are going through!!

Sarah - posted on 07/29/2009

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U need to talk to one another not scream and fight. Dealing with a child with ADHD is very hard and u have to have alot of patients. My son has ADHD and my husband and I were going though the same situation. So one day I told him to sit down and listen to what i have to say. It all work out for us in the end.

Patrisia - posted on 07/29/2009

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oh good, then you take it up with your husband as far as how you want to resolve your issues and allow the healing process in your life for a successful marriage. Blessings.

Jeanine - posted on 07/29/2009

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i just dont think its acceptable to tell an innocent child who thinks of you as his dad that you dont love him or think of him as your own ... i cant imagine .. how that would hurt a child !!! i dont know if he heared or not but .... maybe if it gets worst he will... this was the full quote where after i said that ... i wrote " i dont know if he heared or not "

Sarah - posted on 07/29/2009

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Wow, you guys all need to calm down! You know sometimes people say and do things they don't mean out of anger, now everyones acting like Emma's son is going to be scarred for life because of an argument his parents had while he was asleep! Kids in this world go thro far worse things...

[deleted account]

''NOW, I recommend that your husband (if he's sorry) he also apologize and hug your son until he is convinced that what daddy said was ..... '' quoting patrisia..



he does not need to do this as my son never knew it was said

Patrisia - posted on 07/29/2009

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ooooohhh I know....Counseling.... I suggest you go to counseling and find ways to resolve this issue and leave it in God's hands to mend and heal your heart and if your son heard his too.

[deleted account]

''i just dont think its acceptable to tell an innocent child who thinks of you as his dad that you dont love him or think of him as your own ... i cant imagine .. how that would hurt a child '' ........this is a quote from your previous post jeanine

Patrisia - posted on 07/29/2009

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I agree with you jeanine about taking into account the children's perspective. Emma, you yourself said that you weren't sure how you would forgive him ever for saying he didn't love your son...think about this... IF your son heard or feels the lack of love or concern from your husband...will HE ever forgive him for what he said or made him feel? How is this going to help your son improve knowing he is living with someone that doesn't care or love him? NOW, I recommend that your husband (if he's sorry) he also apologize and hug your son until he is convinced that what daddy said was ..... you know what emma, i'm not going to lie...but.... would a parent who loves their child ever even say something like that when their mad? i d k.... I can't even think of an excuse for your husband to come up with to help alleviate the pain your son might go through...I'm sorry. I don't think I can help on this one.

Brandy - posted on 07/29/2009

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i'm sorry to hear about your argument. i certainly don't think you should separate. i saw you mention that you never really argue and you keep your thoughts and feeling to yourselves. it is very hard and you might not always like what one another has to say, but you definately need to be very open with your feelings. bottling them up for so long almost always ends with an explosion. you and your husband need to brainstorm together on ways to cope as a family. and also be prayerful and willing to try each others ideas. after all, you never no what might work. i'll be praying for you and the situation. God bless you and your family!

Jeanine - posted on 07/29/2009

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yeh thats what i meant ... i said i wasnt sure if he heared or not .... i never said he did say it to his face ... but didnt it break your heart to hear that ...please dont take my posts the wrong way . i know this must be a heartbreaking situation . I told my husband when we got together and again after we had another daughter together ( i had a 2and half year old from a sperm donor) i told him if he EVER treated our children differently or if i saw it . or he said it whatever ....it didnt matter i was gone !!!!!!!!!! but me and u are different people what i would do and u would do will be different im sure ... just its good to look at a situation from various perspectives before making a huge decision

[deleted account]

no there is nothing else to my situation... it is our first big argument.. i dont know where you got the idea that my husband told our child he did not love him or that he does not think of him as his own.. he has never spoke to our son in that way.. he said it to me.. at half 11 at night..

Jeanine - posted on 07/29/2009

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I just wanted to clarify I wasnt in any way shape or form trying to be mean or disrespectful toward you .... i was just trying to get you to see it from ur childrens perspective not only from your own ...i was trying to help ...i know u never asked for advice on leaving him ....but this sounds a little extreme for a FIRST argument ....is there a little more to the story >????i dunno im just asking ???? i didnt realize you took my post as something bad ...????? i dont know how you could ????just sometimes ive learned the hard way that whats best for the mother( parents) is not always whats best for the child as i told you i know ......My parents together had a lot of money i lived in a big house with 4 cars in a nice area of town went to a great school ... and i would have traded it all for my mom and me to have some peace ....i tell her that all the time now.. the happiest moments of my life are when we lived together alone even tho we didnt have as much .........she said the same thing . she didnt want to leave cuz we would have NOTHING .... and i didnt care i would have took nothing and been happy ...all i was just trying to say was even tho you may love him even tho it may be hard..... im sure you are doing the absolute best you can .....but think about how ur kids might see this ????? i was just saying i think every woman deserves better than that ... sorry means nothing ... i was just trying to get u to look at it from a different perspective .. not from just your marriage perspective but your family as a whole!!! i was just trying to give u some insight into what it was like since i lived in a similar situation ..???? im not sure why u got mad at me ??? or took offense to my post ....i just dont think its acceptable to tell an innocent child who thinks of you as his dad that you dont love him or think of him as your own ... i cant imagine .. how that would hurt a child !!! i dont know if he heared or not but .... maybe if it gets worst he will .... all i was saying is out your children and of course your needs ahead of a man ...u may regret it in the end .... he obviously needs some help ...i wish u all the best ...

Patrisia - posted on 07/29/2009

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Emma, When I met my husband I had a 1 1/2 yr old son as well. Before we got married and even during the first couple years of marriage I would remind him what I always held dear in my heart. Should he EVER, I mean EVER say anything against, make feel bad, or disregard or humiliate in any shape or form my son...I wasn't and am not gonna care how many kids I had with him, it would be over. NOW, listen. my son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was in third grade as well. I have 3 other boys with my husband now. My son, like yours, calls him dad because that's all he knows as a father figure. My husband and I both sat down when he flunked 3rd grade and decided what tactic we were both going to use to help OUR son get through this. By now you can agree that its not just my son but his as well so he and I both were fully aware of the stress and time and dedication it would need to make our son and his siblings successful. Now my son is 12 and ADHD seems to be a past diagnosis because he is successful in all his classes. His problem was never behavioral issues it was more or focusing and fidgeding. Moral of the story is...have the most serious talk of your life with your husband but INCLUDE him in your thoughts about helping your son strive and succeed in order to have a healthy family. Now, I can not tell you what to do as far as him saying all those awful unexcusable things about your son because well, I have 4 boys and again, my take would be the same as I told my husband 10 yrs ago. Without a doubt in my mind. BUT you and I are different people. If you and your husband love each other and your husband regrets ever saying all those awful things and is willing to strategize with you...your call.. if not PLEASE leave that son of a &^%^& for he is not worthy of your love and your beautiful son. I just pray that your son never finds out through you or anyone else he ever said those things. Good luck and blessings.

[deleted account]

a holiday sounds great emily but we cant get anyone to have the kids.. a nice holday as a family may be good so at least then we get out of this town, out of the house and are in a different enviroment.. it may do us good and the kids would love a holiday :)

Emily - posted on 07/29/2009

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Maybe try therapy, a long vacation the two of you. I know its hard to be married sometimes. Sometimes talking to an outsider that can't judge you or situation is the best thing to do. Good luck

[deleted account]

i would just like to thank everyone for taking the time to reply. me and my husband are not going to seperate over 1 argument.. we both said some awfull things. i am amazed that people think that he is abusive!! we still have not spoken about it.. but i think i may try tonight. i think we need to communicate alot more and talk about how we feel.. well... we'll see how it goes..

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