This is a long question, sorry moms. I'm in need of some advice from you who understand.

[deleted account] ( 7 moms have responded )

Hi moms, I have a pretty personal question to ask. My son just turned 3, me and his dad broke it off a few months after our son was born. We went to court when he was only 3 months old and my sons father did get visitations and was told he had an obligation to pay child support of course. He went back and forth with paying child support, would pay some here and there but now he is in arrears, or "behind" quit a few thousand dollars, but he still does get his visitations because I do think my son deserves to have his father in his life. Just recently I found out my sons dad got his new gf pregnant. Talking to a few people about it I was told that I can take my sons dad back to court and will potentially get full custody of my son because he has a new baby on the way and he isn't able to support my son now. In no way am i trying to not allow my son to see his dad, but my son is still so young and I do feel like he needs one solid parent in his life and he needs some stability because he has already been through a lot only being 3. Does anyone have an information to if this may be true or not?

7 Comments

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Mommy - posted on 12/12/2012

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His girlfriend having a baby is not a reason for the visitation and custody order to be changed. The information you received is not accurate. I have 2 children with my husband, both born after his custody and visitation was set up with the court for his daughter with his previous wife, and the birth of our children has no bearing on that. He could, however, ask for his CS payments to be lowered to accomodate needing to care for another dependent.

Sarah - posted on 12/06/2012

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In the state I live in, if you have a child support order and a visitation order, they are separate entities and neither is dependent on the other. My baby daddy (for lack of a better phrase, my daughter is 17 so maybe teeny-daddy would be better, lol) has hardly ever paid child support though the order has been in place before my daughter was born. BUT, if I were to deny him access to the child for his visitation I would be in contempt of court because he is allowed that visitation whether he pays child support or not.



Perhaps, over time, his new family will pull him away from your child and solve you worrying about this problem at all. Or, maybe his new family will grow around your child who will benefit from having brothers/sisters in his life. Either way, the best things you can do are to be consistent with your child, set boundaries for his behavior, be careful not to say anything negative about dad or whoever else is in dad's life in front of your child and wait to see how it all works out. Of course, if he becomes violent or gets arrested or does anything else that would make him a danger to your son, then you should act on that. But, if he doesn't, let dad decide how the new baby will affect his existing son.



You cannot change what dad will do. You can only change your response to what dad does hopefully by being there- loving and consistent for your son!

Ashley - posted on 12/06/2012

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I wouldn't go to court for the sole reason there is a new baby coming, and whats the reasoning behind him not paying child support? If he's not paying for the sake of not paying, then i personally would consider going back to court for that and that alone, but if there is a legitimate reason behind not being able to pay support, then making other arrangements that would help benefit both sides would be more reasonable. I agree with the other moms, there is absolutely no reason to take an involved father out of the picture unless something drastic is happening (hes a danger to your child). Your lucky to have a father for your child who is willing to be a dad, there's LOTS that aren't.

Jodi - posted on 12/04/2012

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Child support and visitation are two totally separate issues. Your child will be fine. It sounds like dad wants to be involved. And so he should be.

Jessica - posted on 12/04/2012

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Um, well my husband has two sons and when we got together I was reluctant to get involved with his children because children are so impressionable and if it didn't work out, it's not fair to involve them. We've been together three years now and the boys are very much a HUGE part of our lives. We have one son together and a daughter on the way and the boys are super excited. There was point where the mother of the boys had wanted to take full custody of them and it hurt us pretty bad. She claimed it was for the same reasons you are just now stating. I don't know what the situation is on their side, but if it seems like they are serious and they are making a huge effort to be in your little boy's life then i would let it be. But I understand where you're coming from being that my son is 2. We were lucky enough to be able to resolve the situation with our boys mother and now we actually all get together and do things as a huge family. My son even gets to go spend time at their house and I expect that it will be the same with our daughter. We've all been able to be solid parental figures in their lives. I hope that everything works our for you and your little one. It's definitely a tough situation to be in.

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