This is more of a question about myself being a newer mom.. I am having trouble getting back in the mood to have sex.. it has nothing to do with my fiance at all.. I don't feel any differently about him but I am finding it hard to get into the mood.. I don't want to force it and our son is almost 10 months old! I don't think I am being fair to my fiance and it is starting to hurt our relationship.. HELP!!

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Sophia - posted on 04/04/2009

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This is totally normal the way you feel! I went through the same thing but everyone is different and some last longer than others. You just need to talk openly with your fiance about it if you havn't already, and honestly he needs to be a little bit more understanding about this, not saying that he isn't, but maybe he could be a little more than he is. Its shouldn't all be on you, both of you have to work through this. You are tired, learning new things, and just getting used to being a mom, so try not to be to hard on yourself. Talk to him about trying new things if you would like, but don't force something that your body and emotions are not ready for yet just to satisfy him. Take some time to yourself, a warm bath, or a dinner with the girls, get dressed and just go... and let him watch the baby for a couple of hours... and when you get back and see him sleeping or watching over the little one.... it just might be the turn on you need. Our hormones are so funny, sometimes all it takes is the right thing, whether its more understanding, or compassion to get us on the right track. But your doing great, it will get better!

Erin - posted on 04/04/2009

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Yes it is completely normal to feel that way, after giving birth, with both my kids, I didn't even feel like myself for a while, but you should try getting dressed up and going to have drinks with a girfriend and then maybe when you come back home to your man you will be more relaxed and it might kinda rejuventate you and make you feel a little more like your old self. I thinked thats what worked for us, just taking a minute to rest and take our minds off of everything made it so much better. Its good if he is understanding and does not rush you but being intimate is a usually a pretty important part of the relationship, and a lot of times it helps you to always keep the connection and that chemistry between you guys. Anyway hope these things might have helped

Laura - posted on 04/03/2009

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try not to build the moment up. your a tired new mum learning new things and all the things you have to do for bubba. i found i stressed myself out about it thinking about all the negatives but after a frank talk with my partner he backed off and we just fell into it one night when she fell asleep and it was just right for both of us. it's still not as regular as before but it's right for us and i find the kedy is to talk talk and talk some more. never lose communication it's what keeps us intune with each other. it's all perfectly normal he loves you and will always understand i've learnt my partner is just as tired and stressed by all the new things as i'am. couple time is also as must even just a nice meal and streching out on the sofa is really lovely maybe someone you trust can take bubba for the night, no need for it to lead to anything just some couple time to reconnect with feeding and crying inbetween. xxx

Arlene - posted on 04/03/2009

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I felt the same after my son was born. I just couldnt get in the mood. It wasnt him but sex just didnt interest me anymore. My husband was understanding but I know frustrated. We talked to see what the problem could be and it helped to change the routine. Try different things, that maybe you wouldnt do normally. That may help.

[deleted account]

it is totally normal but everyone is different dont think you should be all ready to give it a go when your body isnt, your be tiered and allsorts took me about 4 months to have sex after my last baby, and still after nearly 2 years sex life isnt the best purely coz im tierd etc .... try not to worry relax and maybe have som romantic time as a couple x

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Lindsey - posted on 04/09/2009

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This is completely normal.  My son will be 3 in September and I am still struggling with this.  It's hard being tired, dealing with the kids, and everything else life throws at you.  I just went to my doctor a couple months ago and turns out my hormones are still off balance from having my son.  Some women need medicine to straighten it out.  Concider having them checked.  Also some doctors can give you medicine to put you in the mood.  Usually after taking them for a very short time you get back on track without needing them anymore.  But since it hasn't been long since you've had your little one i'm sure you're body is still readjusting.  I once heard that it takes a womens body 2 years to get back the way it was before she got pregnant...hormones and all!

Krystal - posted on 04/09/2009

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My son is 2 months and 2 weeks old. After he was born, I could not get enough of sex with my hubby but all of sudden now, I'm just not in the mood. When we went out for the first time together with friends to a club and drank. I just was turned off by the whole scene. I wasn't that girl that could easily have sex with her man like that anymore. I wanted romance and I guess I realized that there really isn't much romance in our relationship anymore after being together for 2 years and having two kids. He thinks it's might be stress that's causing me not to be in the mood and it might be. We haven't had sex in almost a week. That's not normal. I guess you can say I'm just afraid of actually getting into the mood and finding out I maybe pregnant again... Everything changes so much after you have kids and you just have to communicate to find out how to make it work.

Krystal - posted on 04/09/2009

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My son is 2 months and 2 weeks old. After he was born, I could not get enough of sex with my hubby but all of sudden now, I'm just not in the mood. When we went out for the first time together with friends to a club and drank. I just was turned off by the whole scene. I wasn't that girl that could easily have sex with her man like that anymore. I wanted romance and I guess I realized that there really isn't much romance in our relationship anymore after being together for 2 years and having two kids. He thinks it's might be stress that's causing me not to be in the mood and it might be. We haven't had sex in almost a week. That's not normal. I guess you can say I'm just afraid of actually getting into the mood and finding out I maybe pregnant again... Everything changes so much after you have kids and you just have to communicate to find out how to make it work.

User - posted on 04/08/2009

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I am having the same issues in my relationship with my husband. I am happy to hear that I am not the only one out there having this same issue...It makes me feel better about myself.

Rebecca - posted on 04/08/2009

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totally normal!! With all the things running around in your head to remember with being a new mum sex is the last thing you need to be thinking about. Instaed of worrying about sex what about having a 'date night' once a fortnight. Get a babysitter for a couple of hours and just go to a movie or go somewhere nice to eat. Spending some quality one-on-one time together is just as important as sex and you never know....you might get in the mood!

Ashley - posted on 04/08/2009

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I unforunatley did not have this problem. Two days after I got out of the hosptial after having my son (our first) my husband and I couldn't keep our hands off of each other, the attraction was worse then before. However, every woman is different and after having a baby you are tired and stressed and sometimes you don't feel sexy, especially if your fiance was in the delivery room (most are lol) Your sexual appetite will come back. Try new tricks in the bedroom and maybe you will find something exciting or have an extra date night a week. No talking about the baby and just relating with each other as man and woman not mother and father, it might bring back the spark. You are being fair to your fiance, however he isn't being fair to you if he is pushing you and making you feel rushed. Let him know how you feel and that you want to take things slow. Its is nothing against him, its just you are not ready yet. He should understand and sympathize with your feelings. Good luck and I hope everything works out very good for you! :)

User - posted on 04/08/2009

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ive heard it t do with nature...........something boout not getting pregnant again while ur baby is still totally dependent.............dont know how true it is. but its not unheard of, so chill.

Jamie - posted on 04/03/2009

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Thank you to everyone for the advice! I never thought by posting this I would get so many replies so quickly! All of these things everyone mentioned are things we actually discussed last night while lying in bed before we went to sleep. We are going to try different things and try to communicate better. I think thats where we fell apart.. we both got too stressed and never said anything to each other and it built up for the past couple of months and now its tearing us apart! Neither of us want it to be like this but we are still so in love and willing to try anything!! Thanks everyone for your help its made me feel so much better especially knowing that its normal and not just me :)

Charly - posted on 04/03/2009

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i felt the same but mine was more to do with how uncomfortable with my body i was but when i mentioned to my fella about this he said he totally understood and didnt want me to feel pressured about it, he said he understood how i felt and that he wanted to wait until i was 100% comfortable. If you have a chat about it, maybe over a glass of wine (just to relax u a little) then you can talk openly and you may find him begining to understand a little better once he has heard how you feel.

Melissa - posted on 04/03/2009

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Yeah it's normal to have that reaction after having a baby.. I'm hoping for your benefit that your fiance understands your feelings. But on the being "forced" part, I know that neither of you want that. I hope things work out for you...

Kyla - posted on 04/03/2009

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Sometimes our sexual appetite does change hun but its ok!!!! just try different things with your partner, see if not doing the norm excites u any more!! Also try n remember wat u really fancyed about him in the start of your relationship and see if any of that works. Are you tired alot? let me know!!!! xx Kyla

[deleted account]

I've been told this is totally normal the first year after you have a baby! I was the same way and my husband didn't even seem that interested in me either, but around the one year mark we both started regaining our interest.

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